The Key Is To Check The Key

, , , | Working | January 16, 2019

Many years ago I was working at a city-owned community recreation center. As I was often the first one to enter the building each morning, I had a key to the front entrance and the access code to call to have the alarm disabled. One day I unlocked the door, called the alarm company, and then started to put my keys away, only to realize I’d just let myself in with my own house key!

My next call was to the city maintenance department to report what had happened. The locksmith they sent told us that the tumblers in the lock were so worn that any key of the same make would have unlocked that door, and it was a good thing an authorized employee had been the one who discovered it rather than someone with no reason to be entering the building!

1 Thumbs
580

I Got 99 Problems And Your Change Is One

, , , , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(A customer comes in to buy a key for a car. I make the key, and the total comes to $5.01, and he gives me $6.00. I ask him if he has a penny or nickel so that I do not have to dump a lot of change on him. He says no, so I give him 99 cents in change. Less than five minutes later, he returns.)

Customer: “That key worked really well. When I went elsewhere they could not get one to work, so I want another one.”

(I make another key, and of course it is the same price.)

Customer: “Here is six dollars.”

Me: “Can you give me a penny?”

Customer: “I have no change.”

Me: “Didn’t I just give you 99 cents in change?”

Customer: “Oh, right.” *hands me a penny*

(I have no idea what he was thinking.)

1 Thumbs
493

Needs A Key To The Real World

| Right | April 23, 2016

Customer: “I need you to make a copy of my car key. It barely works at all and I need a new one that works perfectly.”

Me: “You do know that we make a copy of your key? The new key will work just as well or poorly as the key you give to me.”

Customer: “No, it will be a new key so it will work just as well as my key did when it was new.”

Me: “That would be true if you were bringing in your key when it was new. However I can see that your key now is very worn and we copy what you give us.”

Customer: “No, I want it made better. Is that so hard?”

Me: “Okay, let’s assume that instead of a key you were copying a document that had several misspelled words on a copier. Do you think that the copier would correct the spelling of the words on your new copies?”

Customer: “Well, it should!”

Me: “Here we learn the difference between ‘Should’ and ‘Reality.’ And I am sorry to say that reality is all we have here. So I am going to have to turn you down for making you a key.”

1 Thumbs
1,011

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

| Right | November 8, 2015

(After working for another company for 45 years, I have purchased a key shop and am now the owner. Needless to say all contacts with my previous employer are gone. My cell phone rings.)

Me: “This is the key shop. I am [My Name].”

Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

Me: “Pardon? What insurance?”

Caller: “Your insurance. Has it changed?”

Me: “What insurance?”

Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

Me: “What kind of insurance? I have just started this business. Are you asking about my business insurance or my locksmith insurance? I just received my locksmith insurance renewal notice last week but have not opened it yet.”

Caller: “No, no, your insurance. Did it change?”

Me: “What kind of insurance are you asking about? I have two cars with insurance on them, home insurance, life insurance, and others, but my wife takes care of them.”

Caller: “Your insurance. We need to know if it changed.”

Me: “And who is ‘We’? Who are you?”

Caller: “I am from [Medical Office]. You have an appointment next week so we checked your insurer and they told us that you no longer have a policy with them.”

Me: “Well, no. I no longer work for the company that contracts with them for employee medical insurance.”

Caller: “So are you canceling your appointment?”

Me: “Nope, I am 65 and now have Medicare and also supplemental insurance. I am bringing my new cards to my appointment with you.”

Caller: “Why didn’t you just say that before?!”

1 Thumbs
1,340

In A Tsary State

, , , , | Right | September 30, 2010

(Two women come into my grandpa’s locksmith shop and are saying really obnoxious things in Russian.)

Woman #1: “Careful, I think he may speak Russian.”

Woman #2: “That oaf? No way.”

Woman #1: “Maybe he does.”

Woman #2: “He doesn’t.”

Grandpa: *in Russian* “He does.”

1 Thumbs
6,738