Mission: Impossible

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Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”

Me: *I pick up some stuff* “Not a problem. I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”

Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”

Me: “Open your car.”

Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer—you can’t touch it!”

Me: “Then how do I open it?”

Customer: “That’s your problem.”

Me: “Actually it’s not; I didn’t lock the key in your car.”

Customer: “You have to open it.”

Me: “Watch me not open it.”

Customer: “Okay, then, but if you make any scratch or mark at all then you will have to pay Mercedes to repaint the whole car. That will cost thousands.”

Me: “So, If I’m successful I get $5.00, but if I make the smallest error it will cost me thousands of dollars?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Your car might just be there forever.”

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How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2

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(Note; electronic ignition keys sell for $25 to $90)

Customer: “I want to return this key. Here is the receipt.”

(The electronic key is worn from use; the receipt is 2 years old)

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Well, let me go out to your car and see what the problem is.”

Customer: “I sold that car.”

Me: “OK, but it looks like you’ve been using the key for a long time. It must have worked.”

Customer: “Well it did work, but I sold the car and I don’t need it anymore, so I want my money back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry sir, but we sell keys; we do not rent them. When you sell the thing the keys fit in, you either give the keys to the new owner or toss them. And even if we did rent keys, the rent for two years would be more than the purchase cost–so actually you would owe us money.”

*customer runs out the door*

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