Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

| Chicago, IL, USA | Health & Body

(After working for another company for 45 years, I have purchased a key shop and am now the owner. Needless to say all contacts with my previous employer are gone. My cell phone rings.)

Me: “This is the key shop. I am [My Name].”

Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

Me: “Pardon? What insurance?”

Caller: “Your insurance. Has it changed?”

Me: “What insurance?”

Caller: “Has your insurance changed?”

Me: “What kind of insurance? I have just started this business. Are you asking about my business insurance or my locksmith insurance? I just received my locksmith insurance renewal notice last week but have not opened it yet.”

Caller: “No, no, your insurance. Did it change?”

Me: “What kind of insurance are you asking about? I have two cars with insurance on them, home insurance, life insurance, and others, but my wife takes care of them.”

Caller: “Your insurance. We need to know if it changed.”

Me: “And who is ‘We’? Who are you?”

Caller: “I am from [Medical Office]. You have an appointment next week so we checked your insurer and they told us that you no longer have a policy with them.”

Me: “Well, no. I no longer work for the company that contracts with them for employee medical insurance.”

Caller: “So are you canceling your appointment?”

Me: “Nope, I am 65 and now have Medicare and also supplemental insurance. I am bringing my new cards to my appointment with you.”

Caller: “Why didn’t you just say that before?!”

Customer Variant #3: The Penny Picker

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(Everyone has had this customer. They must clone them somewhere.)

Me: “That will be $2.88.”

(The customer puts a dollar on the counter and out of her purse pulls a snap-top coin pouch and I know I am screwed. She starts rooting in it, pulling out one coin at a time.)

Customer: “5, 10, 20, 25, 26, 27…”

(I void out her sale and wait on the next customer. I ring him up and give him his change.)

Customer: “Why did you wait on him? I was first.”

Me: “Well, he had the mystical ability to hand me 3 dollar bills for his key and you are still trying to come up with $2.88, a coin at a time.”

Customer: “Now you made me lose count! 5, 10, 20, 25, 26, 27…”

(I wait on several more customers.)

Customer: “Young man…” (I am 59, btw.) “… can you tell me if this is a penny or a dime?”

Me: “It is a dime.”

Customer: “Oh, I want to get rid of my pennies…” *puts dime back in pouch, starts rooting in it again* “… 76, 77, 78…”

(I continue to wait on more customers until after what seems to be an eon…)

Customer: “Oh, I only have $2.86. I will have to give you another dollar.” *starts emptying purse on counter*

Me: “No, no, that will be just fine… $2.86, no problem.”

Customer: “But I am 2 cents short!”

Me: “Trust me, not a problem.”

Visions Of Dogs Chasing Their Own Tails

| Chicago, IL, USA | Top

Customer: “This electronic key does not work in my car.”

Me: “Does it turn in the ignition?”

Customer: “Yes, but it will not start.”

(I put the original and copy key in my magic decoder box and they check out fine.)

Me: “Well, let me have a look… where is your car?”

Customer: “At home.”

Me: “Well, you have to drive it here.”

Customer: “But the key does not work.”

Me: “Use your original key.”

Customer: “That does not work either.”

Me: “Okay, let me explain how this works. I make a copy of your key. If your key does not work, then the new key will not work either.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let me put it like this. If you copy a paper with misspelled words the copier will not correct the spelling, because it’s a copy! What happens when you try the key?”

Customer: “The dash says ‘Code not found’.”

Me: “Well, then the problem is the car, not the key. It is not reading the code on the key.”

Customer: “So make me another.”

Me: “The problem is the car. Are you going to pay when the next one does not work?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to pay for a key that does not work!”

Me: “So you want me to keep making keys for you until one works or I run out of them. But you will not pay for any of the keys that do not work even though the problem is your car, not the key.”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just not that stupid.”

Related:
Mission, Impossible

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