A Testing Accent

, , , | Right | April 6, 2020

(It is about nineteen years ago, and I am in high school. I’m in the FFA — Future Farmers of America — and my team has won our state Livestock Judging contest and gone to the National FFA Convention in Louisville. We are all from Connecticut, and this is our first — or at least MY first — experience hearing anything like a Southern accent from the locals. We all get up from the hotel one morning and walk to a nearby bagel shop to order breakfast.)

Me: “I’d like a raisin bagel with cream cheese, please.”

Cashier: “Would you like that tested?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Cashier: “Would you like that tested?”

Me: “Tested? Tested for what?”

Cashier: *rolling his eyes and exaggerating his speech* “WOULD YOU LIKE THAT TOAH-STED?!”

Me: “Oh! Yes, please. Sorry.” *turns red and feels like an idiot for the rest of the day*

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Karma Instantáneo

, , , , , , | Working | April 5, 2020

(I’m on a four-day high school trip. After we stop for lunch on the way home, I go with a friend to a nearby gas station/corner store so she can buy some candy for the remaining fourteen hours of the bus ride. While she gets her candy, I start looking for a cheap souvenir, since everything in the hotel gift shop was either ridiculously expensive or simply impractical to travel with. I’m still looking when my friend pays for her candy, so she stands outside the store while I try to pick something out. Finally, I pick something and bring it to the counter. The cashier, a friendly young black man, has been cheery with my friend and absolutely nothing at all notable has happened so far. Neither I nor my friend look even remotely Latino or Hispanic, so I’m a little surprised when he starts speaking to me in Spanish, just as happily as before.)

Cashier: “¡Hola! ¿Como estás?”

(I’m surprised, but I smile and speak with next to no trace of my American accent.)

Me: “Cansado. ¿Y tu?”

(The cashier is clearly thrown off.)

Cashier: “Oh, s***.”

(His coworker, who heard everything in the back room, started laughing so hard that I thought he was going to fall off the small ladder I could see him standing on. I quickly told the cashier that I spoke English and was taking Spanish as a second language. He said that he sometimes did the Spanish to have some fun with customers, and he definitely didn’t expect me to try to start a conversation. The back room employee kept laughing about how “you showed him!” while the cashier rang up my souvenir. He was still laughing when I said, “¡Gracias, adios!” on my way out. I sometimes wonder if the back room guy ever let the cashier live down that little Spanish encounter or if it became some sort of cautionary tale about not trying to confuse customers.)

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Unfiltered Story #191483

, , | Unfiltered | April 4, 2020

I work in a kid’s clothing store in a mall. The mall is in a more middle class area, so we get all types of people walking in and out. This one story occurred late one night during the week, while we were slow.

A man walks in.

[Me]: Hi how are you doing tonight?

[Man]: Hello!

He walks up to the counter, a giant bag from a restaurant in the mall in his hands.

[Man]: Do you have any bags?

Thinking he had a lot of items and wanted another bag to hold them, I pulled out our nice paper shopping bag. He lights up and grabs it.

[Man]: Yes, just like this!

To my utter confusion, he folds the bag and begins to stuff it into the larger restaurant one. It was then that I notice the bid bag is filled with other shopping bags like the one I’d given him. He looks up at me and my coworker and grins.

[Man]: What, you’re not going to ask why? No why the bags?

[Me]: Nah, I was just going along with it.

[Coworker]: Okay, I’ll bite; why all the bags?

[Man]: Well, it’s my sister’s birthday, and the other day we were out at this nice Asian restaurant and they had these nice bags, and she wanted one. So, I’ve been going around and getting her these!

My coworker and I politely nod and murmur about how nice that was and he went along his merry way. As soon as he walked out the door, we looked at each other and burst out into laughter.

Unfiltered Story #191444

, , | Unfiltered | April 2, 2020

I work in a fabric and craft store.
We have thousands of bolts of fabric, walls full of sewing notions and a whole wall of yarn.
An older woman came in one morning and was there for a long time, browsing and picking things up.
Finally she walked up to me and we had yo following conversations.
Customer: where are your hair products?
Me: I’m sorry, what are you looking for. We have combs and headbands over here.
Customer: no I mean hair products. I need hair dye and mousse.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am, were a fabric store.
We don’t carry anything like that.
Customer: but my sister said you carry all that stuff. Did you stop carrying it?
Me: ma’am I’ve worked here two years and we’ve never carried hair products in that time.
Customer: no, my sister said the fabric store in this shopping center carried hair stuff.
Me; did she mean the beauty supply store a few doors down?
Customer: no, she said you had it.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t. But you should find what you need at the beauty
Supply store. They’re just about four doors down the mall.
Customer: I’ve shopped here for years, I’ve never seen them before.
Me: well they are probably your best bet for hair care.
Customer walks off huffing and puffing about what a terrible store this was and what was the world coming too,
I was left wondering how a customer who had shopped here “for years” would think
A fabric store would carry hair care products and never know about the beauty supply store that had been in the same location got over 20 years,

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Unfiltered Story #190978

, , | Unfiltered | March 30, 2020

(My family and I decide to take a trip to Tennessee from Indiana for the weekend and it is my first time driving that long at one time. My mother is in the passenger seat and as we are crossing the Kentucky – Tennessee border we get stopped in a sobriety checkpoint.)

Officer: Ma’am I’m going to need to see your ID. This is just a safety check.

(I dig out and give him my license and my mom talks to him as I do.)

Officer: Thank you. Have you had anything to drink tonight?

Mom: I haven’t.. oh I guess you should be answering that.

Me: Only for a wine tasting and that was 4 hours ago.

Officer: Alright you have a good night now.