When Bygones Mean Bi-Gones

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2010

Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”

Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”

Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”

Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”

Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”

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Out Of Tune With The Conversation

, , , | Right | July 19, 2010

(I’ve worked at this camp on and off for a few years, and a lot of the kids remember me from previous years.)

Kid #1: “Why weren’t you here last year?”

Me: “This camp and band camp were at the same time, so I chose to go to band camp since it was the last time I’d be with my friends.”

Kid #1: “That’s so cool! What do you play?”

Me: “Clarinet in band, but I also play piano.”

Kid #1: “I play piano, too!”

(We continue talking about different instruments we play when another girl joins in.)

Kid #2: “I play an instrument, too.”

Me: “Really? Do you play piano, too, or something?”

Kid #2: “Well, I listen to Taylor Swift. Does that count?”

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Wishy-Washy Analogies

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2010

(I work for a place that sells towing systems.)

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if my car needs to be there when they install the mounting brackets for the tow-bar?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Since the mounting brackets are installed on your car, your car will need to be there.”

Caller: “Why? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, sir, the mounting brackets are permanently attached to your vehicle. In order to attach them to your vehicle, we will need your vehicle to be there.”

Caller: “I’m not sure if I follow.”

Me: “Well, sir, say you come to my house so I can wash your car, but you ride your bicycle. Since your car isn’t there, that means I can’t wash it.”

Caller: “Oh, I get it now… I think.”

Me: “Great, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “So, you all have to wash my car to do it. That’s why it has to be there!”


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How About A Sample Of Maturity

, , , | Right | April 15, 2010

(I am working at a shaved-ice stand.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like today?”

Customer: “My son would like to try a root beer shaved ice!”

(I make a root beer in a sample cup, but the customer takes the cup instead and tries it herself.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “This tastes like CLOVES! Ewwww! I don’t like CLOVES! This is GROSS!”

Me: “Would you like to try another flavor?”

Customer: “My son would like to try s’mores.”

(I make a s’mores flavor in a sample cup, and just like last time, the customer tries it instead of her son trying it.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS! I don’t like this!!”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “He’ll take a medium lemon-lime wedding cake flavored shaved ice. Oh, can we get a straw too?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I hand the customer a plastic bendy straw, who sticks it in her son’s shaved ice and takes a sip.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is gross!! This straw tastes funny!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. How does it taste funny?”

Customer: “It… it tastes like PLASTIC!! Ewww!”

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Between A Rock And A Hard Head

, , , | Right | April 9, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “What is a pebble?”

Me: “Well, it’s a very small rock… generally smooth.”

Customer: “Fine, where do you sell pebbles?”

Me: “Right at the back of the garden section, sir.”

Customer: “Are your pebbles heat-resistant?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I could call one of our garden specialists to help you.”

Customer: “Never mind! I need heat resistant rocks!” *he shows me a rock* “Is this rock limestone? Limestone is heat resistant.”

Me: “I can’t tell if it’s limestone just from looking, but limestone has a lot of calcium in it, so if you dip it in vinegar and fizzes up, it’s probably limestone.”

Customer: “Forget it! You are worthless! I’ll just stick this in the microwave and see if it’s heat resistant!”

(He storms off. He came back the next day… for a new microwave.)


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