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All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 1, 2010

Customer: “I need to return these flowers. They died.”

Me: “This appears to be a bag of soil.”

Customer: “Well, I pulled them up a week ago, I guess they fell apart.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just need your original receipt.”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but to return plants I’ll need a receipt.”

Customer: “Your signs say that you have a one-year guarantee!”

Me: “Yes, we do, but you have to keep your receipt because the price of plants changes so often.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager.”

(I call the manager of the garden center inside, and he tells the customer the exact same thing I did.)

Customer: “Well, you should really post it somewhere that you have to keep your receipt.”

Me: “It is posted in the–”

Customer: “Where? Somewhere no one can find, I bet!”

Me: “Actually, it’s posted in the garden center immediately outside the doors. It’s to the right.”

Customer: “In tiny letters, right!?”

Me: “No, the sign is about six feet tall. It’s also printed on the back of every receipt. I’m sorry if you missed it.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt anyone can find it. I’m shopping at [Competitor] from now on!” *starts to walk away*

Me: “Sir, you left your plants.”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag of dirt!”

(The customer tries to exit through the entrance doors. They don’t open automatically from the inside.)

Me: “Sir, those doors don’t open from this side.”

Customer: “Well, they shouldn’t say ‘EXIT’ on them, then, should they?”

Me: “The door actually says ‘NO EXIT’.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my phone is frozen and I can’t seem to get it to do anything.”

Me: “Seems like we need to do a soft reset. Take off the back cover and look for a little hole that says reset next to it.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Okay, follow the line down to it that’s next to the battery.”

Customer: “I still can’t find it.”

(After many minutes and several failed attempts at trying to find the reset button…)

Customer: “Oh, wait a minute… I think I know why. The lights are off in here.”

Me: “The… lights are off?”

Customer: “Give me a few moments and I’ll walk to the next room.”


This story is part of our Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!

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Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

, , , | Romantic | December 31, 2007

(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

Me: “They are ten-inch pizzas, sir.”

Husband: “Well how big is ten inches?”

(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about ten inches, dear.”

(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

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