Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Wishy-Washy Analogies

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2010

(I work for a place that sells towing systems.)

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if my car needs to be there when they install the mounting brackets for the tow-bar?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Since the mounting brackets are installed on your car, your car will need to be there.”

Caller: “Why? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, sir, the mounting brackets are permanently attached to your vehicle. In order to attach them to your vehicle, we will need your vehicle to be there.”

Caller: “I’m not sure if I follow.”

Me: “Well, sir, say you come to my house so I can wash your car, but you ride your bicycle. Since your car isn’t there, that means I can’t wash it.”

Caller: “Oh, I get it now… I think.”

Me: “Great, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “So, you all have to wash my car to do it. That’s why it has to be there!”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

How About A Sample Of Maturity

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2010

(I am working at a shaved-ice stand.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like today?”

Customer: “My son would like to try a root beer shaved ice!”

(I make a root beer in a sample cup, but the customer takes the cup instead and tries it herself.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “This tastes like CLOVES! Ewwww! I don’t like CLOVES! This is GROSS!”

Me: “Would you like to try another flavor?”

Customer: “My son would like to try s’mores.”

(I make a s’mores flavor in a sample cup, and just like last time, the customer tries it instead of her son trying it.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is GROSS! I don’t like this!!”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “He’ll take a medium lemon-lime wedding cake flavored shaved ice. Oh, can we get a straw too?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I hand the customer a plastic bendy straw, who sticks it in her son’s shaved ice and takes a sip.)

Customer: “EWWW! This is gross! This straw tastes funny!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. How does it taste funny?”

Customer: “It… it tastes like PLASTIC!! Ewww!”

Between A Rock And A Hard Head

, , , | Right | April 9, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “What is a pebble?”

Me: “Well, it’s a very small rock… generally smooth.”

Customer: “Fine, where do you sell pebbles?”

Me: “Right at the back of the garden section, sir.”

Customer: “Are your pebbles heat-resistant?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I could call one of our garden specialists to help you.”

Customer: “Never mind! I need heat-resistant rocks!” *he shows me a rock* “Is this rock limestone? Limestone is heat resistant.”

Me: “I can’t tell if it’s limestone just from looking, but limestone has a lot of calcium in it, so if you dip it in vinegar and fizzes up, it’s probably limestone.”

Customer: “Forget it! You are worthless! I’ll just stick this in the microwave and see if it’s heat resistant!”

(He storms off. He came back the next day… for a new microwave.)


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

All Signs Point To Duh, Part 2

, , , | Right | February 1, 2010

Customer: “I need to return these flowers. They died.”

Me: “This appears to be a bag of soil.”

Customer: “Well, I pulled them up a week ago, I guess they fell apart.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just need your original receipt.”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but to return plants I’ll need a receipt.”

Customer: “Your signs say that you have a one-year guarantee!”

Me: “Yes, we do, but you have to keep your receipt because the price of plants changes so often.”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager.”

(I call the manager of the garden center inside, and he tells the customer the exact same thing I did.)

Customer: “Well, you should really post it somewhere that you have to keep your receipt.”

Me: “It is posted in the–”

Customer: “Where? Somewhere no one can find, I bet!”

Me: “Actually, it’s posted in the garden center immediately outside the doors. It’s to the right.”

Customer: “In tiny letters, right!?”

Me: “No, the sign is about six feet tall. It’s also printed on the back of every receipt. I’m sorry if you missed it.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt anyone can find it. I’m shopping at [Competitor] from now on!” *starts to walk away*

Me: “Sir, you left your plants.”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag of dirt!”

(The customer tries to exit through the entrance doors. They don’t open automatically from the inside.)

Me: “Sir, those doors don’t open from this side.”

Customer: “Well, they shouldn’t say ‘EXIT’ on them, then, should they?”

Me: “The door actually says ‘NO EXIT’.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my phone is frozen and I can’t seem to get it to do anything.”

Me: “Seems like we need to do a soft reset. Take off the back cover and look for a little hole that says reset next to it.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Okay, follow the line down to it that’s next to the battery.”

Customer: “I still can’t find it.”

(After many minutes and several failed attempts at trying to find the reset button…)

Customer: “Oh, wait a minute… I think I know why. The lights are off in here.”

Me: “The… lights are off?”

Customer: “Give me a few moments and I’ll walk to the next room.”


This story is part of our Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!

Read the next Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup story!

Read the Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!