A Model Piece Of Motivation

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2017

(A model and actress has designed a line of clothing for our store and, as such, there are posters of her around the store, including one very big one of her in her underwear near the lingerie aisle. I’m in the food hall, nowhere near this poster, when an older man approaches me.)

Customer: *with a slightly creepy smile* “Hello.”

Me: “Hello.” *pause* “Can I help you at all?”

Customer: “Yes. You have a big poster of a lady over in your clothing section. I’d like to buy it.”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure if that’s possible. I can check?”

Customer: “Please.”

(I call the manager and explain the situation. She comes down and deals with the customer while I resume my job. Afterwards, the man walks off, and the manager heads to the lift area where she bursts out laughing.)

Me: “So, what did you say?”

Manager: “He offered me £20 for it. I said it would be up for a couple of months and he gave me his number and told me to text him so he could come in.”

Me: “What did he want it for, or do I not want to know?”

Manager: “He runs a gym, and wanted to put it on the wall to ‘motivate’ his clients…”

(The funniest thing? Another man came in later the same day, also wanting to buy the poster! He was told it had already been “sold”…)

Unfiltered Story #93134

, , , | Unfiltered | September 8, 2017

My friend shares his name with a well known celebrity. He is a volunteer at Canterbury Cathedral and his ID badge clearly states his full name. A tourist is chatting to him and notices his name.

Tourist: Wow, how many people ask you questions about your name? [realises, then smiles] Ooops, I guess I’ve just added one to that number! Sorry!

Unfiltered Story #93270

, , , | Unfiltered | September 6, 2017

(I’ve just done some work at a care home, and am just getting my sheet signed to say that I’ve been there)

Me: All done, just need a squiggle at the bottom

Woman: Oh don’t worry about that, we only put our sheet in the bin

(She pulls the sheets apart, giving the top and bottom pieces to me, and keeping the middle part)

Me: Oh I still need a signature

Woman: No need, its ok

Me: But I need a signature for office filing

Woman: Its a waste of time, it only goes in the bin

Me: I don’t really care what you do with your copy, but I need to get a signature to get it filed

Woman: This is just stupid *and begrudgingly signs*

Their Knowledge Of Steak Is In Need Of Beefing Up

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2017

(I work at a fairly nice restaurant on the till/ordering counter. Customers have to open a tab and order at the counter. After that they can pay, order drinks and desserts, etc. from their tables.)

Customer: *orders a rib eye steak*

Me: “And how would you like that done sir?”

Customer: *said loudly with explosive breath* “BEEF.”

Me: *thinking he misunderstood what I had asked* “Sorry, I meant how would you like that cooked?”

Customer: *same inflection* “BEEF!”

Me: “Uh… yes, sir, all our steaks are beef. How do you like your steak? Rare, medium, well done?”

Customer: “BEEF!”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes, with me trying to find a way to ask the customer how he wants his steak done that he would comprehend. Our manager has a policy that every customer has to confirm what they want before we cook it and he takes pains to check we are doing it right. The manager comes out to see why no order has been put through on my till for a little while and he sees I’m having an issue. He grumpily sends me to the kitchen while he tries to deal with the customer. Five more minutes pass.)

Manager: “Yeah… he wanted a beef steak. Go have a break.”