Acting Like A Spoiled Princess

, , , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(My friend is on the tills, on a break between customers. A little girl comes up with a few items, including a fairy princess wand and another toy. She loads them onto the belt and starts to walk over. A woman rushes in, barges past, and loads her stuff on the belt.)

Friend: “Excuse me, madam. That young girl was here first.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just a child! She can wait! I’m in a hurry!”

(The girl is looking slightly confused by the whole thing.)

Friend: “No, sorry, she was here first and I’m serving her first.”

(He grabs the girl’s items and starts scanning them through. Deciding to keep the rude woman waiting, he starts talking to the young girl.)

Friend: “So, you’re a fairy princess?”

Girl: *smiling* “Yes!”

(The conversation goes on for a minute or two. The rude woman is getting crosser and crosser. My friend gives the girl her change, after slowly counting it out, and she happily goes on her way.)

Friend: *sweetly, to the rude woman* “Next, please.”

(She glared at him throughout the transaction, and didn’t say a word, grabbing her shopping and flouncing away. That will teach her for being rude!)

They Do Say Visa Is Accepted Anywhere

, , , , , , , | Working | July 13, 2018

(My wife and I are out for a meal, as it’s my birthday. We have got the bill and are just paying.)

Wife: *holding bank card* “Where would you like it?”

Waitress: “Up the bum, as standard.”

(My wife and I look at each other before bursting into fits of laughter as the waitress realises what she has said.)

Waitress: “Into the bottom of the machine! That came out wrong; I’m so sorry.”

Wife: “That’s okay; we’re always twisting comments like that.”

(As we left I gave a generous tip, and thanked the still embarrassed waitress for the laugh.)

Unfiltered Story #116456

, , | Unfiltered | July 12, 2018

(I’m in the middle of the high street arresting someone who was caught trying to steal a bunch of dvds. As Im about to put him in the car I hear a man comment)

Man: See *child*? thats what happens if you arent a good girl

Girl: (shouts) You shouldnt have been a naughty boy

(The man goes bright red and doesnt look up til I get him into the station)

Dirty Money

, , , , , , | Romantic | June 27, 2018

(I’m saying goodnight to my wife as I have to be up early for work. We are standing there hugging and I go for a cheeky feel of her backside. As I do, a 2p coin drops to the floor.)

Me: “Did you just poop out a 2p?”

Wife: “It must have got stuck to my bum.” *she’s not wearing pyjama bottoms*

Me: “Sure! Come on. If you can just do that with a few hundred rolls of £50 notes, I can give up work! You can be my golden goose.”

Wife: “I’ll goose you in a minute! I’m not pooping money for anyone.”

Checkout This Justice!

, , , , , | Right | May 30, 2018

(I’m grabbing some groceries. After I put my items on the belt, the cashier closes the checkout by turning off the overhead light and asking me to place a “Till Closed” separator at the end. [Customer #1] then puts her items on the checkout belt. The cashier tells her the till is closed, but as she only has a few items, the cashier agrees to serve her. [Customer #2] then approaches the checkout.)

Cashier: “Sorry, this till is closed. You need to use the other till.”

Customer #2: “Oh, but I only have one thing.” *makes puppy eyes and waves a single packet of ham*

Cashier: *clearly frustrated* “Okay, fine.”

(The cashier then turns away as she starts scanning my items. [Customer #2] waves her husband over with a full trolley and the two of them start firing items onto the conveyor belt as quickly as they can. The cashier notices them, but seems to ignore it. She finishes serving me, and while I’m organising my shopping opposite the end of the till, she also serves [Customer #1]. The cashier then gets up and starts walking away.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me! Where are you going?”

Cashier: “Home. My shift has ended.”

Customer #2: “Okay… So, will someone else serve me?”

Cashier: “No, this till is now closed. If you want to be served, you can go to the other till.”

(The cashier walks around and locks the gate between the end of the till and the exit.)

Customer #2: “Uh, you said you would serve me here! All my stuff is on the belt. I’m not putting it back in the trolley. The other till is really busy now, too.”

Cashier: “I only said I’d serve you because you said you had one thing. You lied, so I’m not helping you. If you had gone to the other till in the first place, you’d be finished by now.”

Customer #2: *fake giggling and playing cute* “Well, when I said one thing, I meant one trolley!” *giggle*

Cashier: “I don’t care. You can put everything back in your trolley and bring it to the next till.”

Customer #2: “This is terrible customer service! Get me the manager.”

Cashier: “I am the manager, and I’m going home. ” *walks away*

(As I was leaving, I saw [Customer #2] and her husband start putting her items back in the trolley. I really hoped they didn’t open another checkout before [Customer #2] had unloaded everything again at the next checkout.)

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