When You’re Happy To Be The Messenger

, , , , , | Working | September 14, 2019

(While working as a volunteer at a charity store, I happen to overhear a coworker speaking on the phone to a customer.)

Coworker: *obviously pleased with what’s she’s hearing* “Yes… Yes, I see. All right, I’ll be sure to tell him. Thank you. Goodbye.”

(She’s grinning hugely as she puts down the phone.)

Other Coworker: “What was all that about?”

Coworker: “The customer just told me to tell [Manager] he’s an idiot. At last, I have official permission to say what I’ve been wanting to tell him all along.”

Other Coworker: “Just goes to show: sometimes the customer really is right!”

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Trouble On Aisle Me

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | August 29, 2019

(Whilst I’m at work, I spot some friends of mine browsing the frozen food aisle. As it’s quiet and I have nothing that needs doing, I decide to say hello.)

Me: *to friends* “Excuse me, madam. I’m going to have to ask you to leave as you’re causing trouble.”

(My friends laugh at the joke. However, a lady nearby doesn’t find it funny.)

Lady: “How dare you?! They weren’t doing anything wrong! The staff here are very rude; I want to complain!”

Friend: “Grandma, it’s okay; we know him! He’s joking!”

(My friend’s Grandma gave me a dirty look, and has done so every time we’ve met since!)

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Unfiltered Story #155586

, , , , | Unfiltered | June 30, 2019

[I am on the till, serving a customer whilst two more wait in the line. Customer #1, whom I am serving, is an elderly man who needs some help packing his bags and paying with his card. Customer #2 is a man in a suit who wants to buy a sandwich and a couple of other, chilled items. Customer #3 is a workman who is buying some eggs.

As I’m helping Customer #1, Customer #2 is getting more and more impatient. Finally, he picks up his sandwich, slams it back on the conveyor belt, and says whilst storming off…]

Customer #2: **** this.

[As he had chilled items which need putting back at once, I call over a supervisor.]

Me: Can you put these back, please? The customer… had to leave.

Supervisor: Some people have no patience.

[He grabs the shopping and heads off to put it back. I finally finish with Customer #1, and after gratefully saying his thanks, he leaves. Customer #3 steps up.]

Customer #3: Just the eggs, please.

[We look at the belt – but there is nothing there! I know the eggs had been there as I’d seen them earlier.]

Me: Oh no! I hope I didn’t, but I think I may have accidentally given them to [Customer #1]! I’m so sorry. We’ll get you some more.

[I ring my bell, and the same Supervisor from earlier appears].

Me: Can we have a box of 6 large eggs, please?

Supervisor: [to Customer #3] Oh, they were yours? Sorry! I thought they were the other guy’s so I put them back.

Customer #3: Don’t worry about it.

[Once the eggs are retrieved, Customer #3 pays and leaves, but not before we have a chuckle over it!]

Unfiltered Story #155580

, , , , | Unfiltered | June 29, 2019

(I am on the returns desk for a major electrical retailer, and am known for having a no nonsence attitude to difficult customers. Im currently serving a customer and theres a small line)

Man: Hi this radio dont work and I want an exchange

Me: Ok, if youd like to get in line and I’ll serve you when I can

Man: Sorry, Im late for football practice, I need to be quick

Me: As I said, Im serving another customer right now, but I will be with you shortly

Man: Hey, Ive just been signed for Gillingham FC! So serve me now!

Me: Good for you! Back of the line!

Man: I get more a day then you do a week! Im a professional sportsman god damn it!

Me: Well right now youre a professional jackass! And all the money in the world wont save you from me booting your ass out the door! So you got two choices, back of the line and show some bloody respect, or the door! You got five seconds before I come out from behind here and choose for you.

(Ive never seen anyone run so fast out the door in my life)

Customer: Thats a shame, I was looking forward to seeing him get booted out

Me: Yeah same here *to my feet* sorry guys, maybe next time

A Medium Rare Scare

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2019

(I work in a really posh town, and most of our customers are posh, upper-class people. Most are really nice and friendly, but some try to act posher than they actually are and treat the waiters like dirt. One regular who acts like this comes in and is, as usual, obnoxious.)

Regular: “This glass is dirty, boy. Get another.”

Me: “Sorry about that.”

(I go behind the bar and pretend to get another glass. As I take it over to him and his wife, I ask if they’re ready to order.)

Regular: “Yes, I’ll have a steak, medium rare.”

Wife: “That.” *pointing to what she wants on the menu*

Me: “Okay, I’ll bring your food out shortly.”

(When their food is ready I bring it over.)

Regular: “This is not done enough; your chef is crap.”

Wife: “And this isn’t what I ordered.”

Regular: “Kids like you should go back to the gutter where you belong.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ll get the head chef right on it.”

(Again, I bring out their food when it’s ready.)

Regular: “What the h*** is wrong with you people? This still isn’t right!”

Me: “I’ll go get the chef.”

Regular: “No! I want the manager!”

Me: “He is the owner, as well.” *calls over to the kitchen* “Hey, [Chef], someone has a problem with your cooking.”

(After a few seconds a figure appears at the doorway. Our chef is almost seven feet tall, and as he believes in trying all his food before it’s served, is a little well built. Plus, as he has just been chopping vegetables, he still has a long, sharp knife in his hand.)

Chef: “Sir, I have over forty years of experience cooking for Her Majesty, the Queen, all without one meal being sent back. Now, if my food is good enough for her, it’s good enough for your scrawny neck. And I can overhear everything that’s said to my staff, so the next time you open your mouth, picture me before you speak, you human question mark.”

(After that, no one’s had any trouble from those customers.)

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