Customer: “I’d like a venti java chip frappe.”

Me: “We don’t have that, sir. This is a local coffee shop. Were you looking for Starbucks?”

Customer: “You’re a coffee shop, aren’t you?”

Me: “Well, yes?”

Customer: “Then I’d like a venti java chip frappe.”

Me: “Sir, we only have what is on the menu behind me. That item you’re asking for is a Starbucks item.”

Customer: “You’re not getting it. I want my coffee. You’re a coffee shop. What’s so hard to understand?”

My manager comes over after witnessing this exchange and talks to me.

Manager: “Don’t try to fight stupid, [My Name]. It’ll only make you dumber.”

My manager then turns to the customer.

Manager: “Sir, you’re right in that this is a coffee shop. That means we sell coffees. We do not sell chunks of chocolate floating in a mass of ice and flavoring syrups. Pick something off the menu or leave.”

Customer: “You can’t talk to me that way! I’m going to call your corporate!”

Manager: “We don’t have one, but you’re welcome to try.”

The customer then gets his phone out and starts to dial.

Customer: “Yes… is that Starbucks customer service?”

I just stare at my manager, who just stares at me.

Me: “I don’t… I don’t think he gets it yet.”

Customer: *On the phone.* “Yes, it’s your [Street] location!”

Manager: *To me.* “I have things to do. Call me back if he won’t leave.”

Customer: *On the phone.* “What do you mean you don’t have a location there!”

Manager: *To me.* “Although I am tempted to see how this plays out.”

Customer: *On the phone.* “What are you talking about! It’s a coffee place! That means you own it!”

Me: “Oh boy…”

Customer: *On the phone.* “I want to speak to your manager!”

He was on the phone for another ten minutes while I served other customers. He finally hung up, looked at me with the eyes of a man who just realized as an adult that other coffee shops exist other than Starbucks, and walks out with defeat.

Related:
What The Frappe?!

I am checking out customers at the grocery store. I have finished scanning the items for a middle-aged woman.

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: *Immediately and super loud.* “No! You didn’t have my radishes!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. We have been having delays with our produce supplies this week but my manager has informed me that they should be back to normal by Friday.”

Customer: “Well that’s not good enough! I wanted my radish today! To… day! How are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, there’s nothing we can do—”

Customer: “I would hate to have to sue you! What will you do for me.”

Me: “Ma’am, as soon as you mention taking legal action, I am no longer allowed to discuss this matter directly with you. I will call for my manager and you can continue this discussion with them.”

Customer: “You’re really going to make me sue! This is unacceptable!”

I call my manager over using the code that means the customer has threatened legal action.

Me: “Ma’am, can you please step aside so that I can serve the next customer.”

Customer: “No! If I have to wait, then so do they!”

Next Customer: “Come on, lady! Why are you being an a**hole?”

Customer: “How dare you!”

With a feat of strength I was not expecting, the customer grabbed the next customer’s trolley and pushed it back on them. The next customer, not expecting this, falls out of the way and the trolley slides back into a display, knocking it aside and breaking some product.

The manager has just arrived and seen all this take place. He immediately signals for security and another coworker calls the police. My manager is checking on the customer that fell to the ground (she’s fine) while the offending customer realizes she might have f***ed up.

Manager: “You! You stay right there! The police have been called!”

Customer: “What?!”

Manager: “You almost injured another customer and damaged store property.”

Customer: “But I just wanted my radish! I’ll be back on Friday to pick it up.”

Manager: “You will stay right there, or you’ll be in more trouble.”

Customer: “This is a total overreaction!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you destroyed a display, almost injured someone, and threatened to sue us over a radish.”