(I’m the director of our small-town library. One of my summer volunteers is a sixteen-year-old girl who is diabetic. She works the lunch shift, and I allow her to eat her lunch at the checkout counter.)
Patron:*to the volunteer* “Hey, can you tell me if you have this book?” *hands over a sheet of paper*
Volunteer:*putting fork down* “Yes. It’s over here. I’ll go get it for you.”
(She walks away. I notice the lady at the desk sniffing the air. She looks around, clearly sees me staring at her, and proceeds to take a large bite of my volunteer’s food. She obviously doesn’t like it, and takes a large container of something out of her purse and dumps it all over the food. She takes another bite, and looks satisfied.)
Volunteer:*coming back* “Here’s your… wait. Why are you eating my lunch?”
Patron: “It was a free sample. And I must say, whoever made it is a terrible cook. It’s very tasteless. I have to put my entire container of salt on this to make it edible!”
Volunteer: “That was my lunch. I’m a diabetic, so of course it wouldn’t taste very good!”
Me: “Ma’am, you just ate her lunch. Why?”
(As I am talking the volunteer scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says, ‘Ignore what I’m about to do.’ She then falls to the ground, shaking and convulsing.)
Patron: “Oh, s***!” *runs out of the library*
Volunteer: “I learned how to do that to get my brothers in trouble.”
This story is part of the American States roundup!
(I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)
Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready, sir. That’ll be £2.80.”
Me:*handing over money* “Thanks.”
Other Customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first; that’s mine!”
Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”
Other Customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”
(I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)
Other Customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are you trying to rip me off?!”
Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”
Other Customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheeseburger on van shelf then walks off*
Server: *smiling, to me* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”
This story is part of the Impatient Customers roundup!
(I am in the middle of a long bus ride. A woman is talking extremely loudly on her cell phone. Several other commuters have already moved away from her.)
Driver: “Ma’am. I have to ask you to quiet down. You are disturbing other passengers.”
Woman: “Ugh.”
(She lowers her voice for about three minutes, then begins yelling again.)
Driver: “Ma’am, I told you once already. If I can hear it, it’s too loud. If you don’t take it down a notch you’re getting off at the next stop.”
Woman:*glares* “I am trying to have a private conversation! Will you give me a minute?”
(At this point, a man who had moved away silently stands up, removes the big “Be A Considerate Commuter” sign from the overhead rack, and sits pointedly across from her with it.)
Woman: “Hold on, Lita. Some a** is trying to get my attention.” *covers phone* “If you don’t like it, you can get off the bus! Stop eavesdropping on me!”
Man: “Well, ma’am, at this point, I think you could talk a little louder and dispense with the phone entirely.”
Woman:*flustered and angry* “Whatever! Okay, I’m back, Lita. So, anyway…”
(I hope the next stop was hers, because that’s where the driver left her.)
Funny True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue
