I am a college teacher at a school that has a lot of international students. I have decided to try giving my students online quizzes this semester.  

After a particular quiz, one of my international students comes up to me, complaining that she has answered every question correctly, but was marked wrong. I log into the system we use to administer these quizzes to look at her quiz. I quickly identify the problem: she answered the yes/no questions correctly… in Portuguese.

I gave her full credit and asked her to use English for these quizzes in the future.

Me: “Hey, [IT Guy], I had to change my password to log onto my computer yesterday, and, like an idiot, I forgot what I changed it to today, and I am locked out. Can you fix it for me?”

IT Guy: “Sure.”

(Twenty minutes later…)

Me: “So… how’s it going?”

IT Guy: “Oh, yeah, I sent you an email.”

Me: “…My email is on my computer. The computer I am currently locked out of.”

(We’ve told our kids that we email the Tooth Fairy regularly whenever they lose a tooth, to schedule a payment. My son has just lost his second tooth, and I pretend to email the Tooth Fairy about it. He tells me about the tooth, and, as we have run out of money due to unexpected expenses, I tell him that I’ll email the Tooth Fairy, but that the weeks before school are especially busy. Right after a pay day, when our budget has been stabilized, this happens:)

Kiddo: “Hey, Mom, when is the Tooth Fairy going to come?”

Me: “Oh! I think she’s got you down for tonight, if you’re sleeping on schedule. So, go to bed, okay?”

Kiddo: “Okay! Goodnight!” *runs to bed*

(About a minute later:)

Me: “Oh! She emailed me!”

Kiddo: *looks out from doorway*

Me: *holds hand over monitor as I minimize the email window*

Kiddo: “What? What’d she say?”

Me: “Confirming details, like pillow shape, sleep time, and such.”

Kiddo: “Oh. Well, hopefully she can come tonight!” *goes back to bed*

(I’ve got to remember to stop spending my cash, so the Tooth Fairy can come on time more often.)

(I’m getting ready for work, putting my things on my locker, when the personnel lady walks by me.)

Personnel: “You’re probably going to want to start cleaning out your locker.”

Me: *internally* “Why?! What do you know!?”

Personnel: “Because we just got a bunch of new seasonal employees, and you’ll probably have to share.”

(I am a fitting room attendant at a big box store. A customer comes in to try on some clothes. The customer is putting the items back into her cart when a coworker comes along. The customer’s back is to us. Coworker accidentally bumps into her.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry.”

(The customer doesn’t respond.)

Coworker: “How are you doing today? Are you finding everything okay?”

(The customer doesn’t respond. A few minutes after that customer has left:)

Coworker: “She was rude.”

Me: “I think she was deaf.”

Coworker: “Oh.”