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Karma Offers Cash Back

, , , , , | Right | January 17, 2018

(A customer is checking out at a self-checkout. She is about to leave when the attendant notices that she didn’t ring up a pair of shoes.)

Attendant: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to pay for those shoes.”

(The woman runs out with her items, leaving behind her $40 cash back. The attendant then tells the manager. The customer calls saying she accidentally left her $40 cash back at the register, and is transferred to the manager.)

Manager: “I can’t help you over the phone. You’ll need to come in and get it.”

Caller: “Can I send my son in?”

Manager: “No, we don’t know who your son is or what he looks like. You’ll have to come in yourself and get it.”

Voice: *in the background of the call* “I guess you’re never getting your money back.”

(The kicker? The shoes she stole were only about $15.)

Not Feeling This Story Anymore

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

(I work in the fitting room. One of my duties is answering all incoming telephone calls. One day it is rather slow. A coworker is hanging out near the fitting room, and we are chatting.)

Coworker: “When I was in high school, my youth pastor would have us all over to his house and—”

(The phone rings.)

Coworker: “—I’ll finish my story after you get that.”

Me: *not really paying much attention to what I’m saying* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I feel you today?”

(My coworker bursts out laughing. I don’t know if the customer notices, because she doesn’t say anything about it, just asks to be transferred to a certain department.)

Coworker: “I’m not going to finish my story. It can’t compete with that.”

The Court Of Love Deems This Dream Guilty

, , , , | Romantic | January 3, 2018

(My boyfriend’s leg is digging into my thigh while he’s sleeping.)

Me: “[Boyfriend], move your leg.” *push*

Boyfriend: *mumbles while moving* “[Mumbles something] …your girlfriend.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: *rolls over* “Anything you say will be used against you in the court of love!”

(I busted out laughing. He had no recollection the next day, but he laughed, too, when I told him.)

The Need To Drone On About It

, , , , | Working | December 25, 2017

(For Christmas, I get a drone. I plug the battery in to charge, but when I put it into the drone after charging, a couple sparks and some smoke come out. My dad decides to take it back to the store it came from. While the battery is charging, we put the landing gear on but can’t get it off, so we just make holes in the packaging for them to go in when we take it back.)

Employee #1: “Okay, a replacement should arrive in two-four days. We’ll call you when it arrives.”

(Four days go by. No call. Another three days, and there’s still no call, so my dad decides to call the store himself to see if they got it.)

Answering Machine: *ring* *ring* *hangs up*

(He calls again.)

Answering Machine: “What department would you like to be transferred to?”

Dad: “Electronics.”

Answering Machine: “One moment…”

(Five minutes later.)

Answering Machine: *hangs up*

(Another call.)

Answering Machine: “What department would you like to be transferred to?”

Dad: “Electronics.”

(Ten minutes later.)

Answering Machine: *hangs up*

(This time he decides to go to the store to see if they have it yet.)

Employee #2: “How can I help you?”

Dad: “I returned a drone the other day, and guys said you would call me when you got another one, but it’s been a week since then. Do you think you could check to see if you got one?”

Employee #2: “Sure.” *takes receipt then disappears into the back*

(Ten minutes later, my dad goes into the back to see what’s going. He sees the employee just standing there.)

Dad: “Get me your manager.”

Employee #2: “Okay, follow me.”

(He then takes my dad to the manager’s office.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Dad: *explains the situation to her* “…and then your employee is just standing back there!”

Manager: “Okay, let me see if I can find it.”

(The manager then proceeds to spend five minutes on her computer to come up with this conclusion:)

Manager: “Well, that’s weird. It’s saying that we do and don’t have it. I’ll see if I can find it.”

(She and the employee then leave. Ten minutes later…)

Manager: “Alright, here’s you new drone!”

(My dad goes out to the car with the drone. But as he’s putting it in the trunk he notices that it’s already open. When he takes it out he discovers that the landing gear was already attached to the drone, with holes in the packaging for them to go into. He realizes that this was the broken drone that we turned in, so he goes back into the store, and straight to the manager’s office. When he gets there, it’s a different woman than before.)

Dad: “I just got a replacement drone for a broken one I received, but it was the same drone!”

Employee #3: “We’ll, that’s not my problem. I work in clothing.” *walks out*

(My dad tries to go find the manager again, but instead finds the first employee.)

Employee #1: “Hey, did you get the replacement drone?”

Dad: “No, they gave me the broken one I brought here.”

Employee #1: “Well, here… give me your receipt.”

(He then scans the code on the receipt, goes into the back and comes out with a brand new drone. And how long did this employee take? Only about thirty seconds.)

Your Girlfriend’s Vision Is Based On Movement

, , , , | Romantic | December 23, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are having guests over. I realize I’ve left something in our bedroom, on a high shelf, so I excuse myself to retrieve it, only to find my boyfriend following me.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I know the item is on a high shelf, so I came to help. You and your stubby arms!”

Me: “You’re just jealous because I’m one step closer to being a T-Rex than you are.”

(My boyfriend stops walking.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, my God… You’re right!”