(A friend and I are at the checkout line in a department store. The cashier at the till adjacent to ours interrupts our conversation and starts talking to me.)

Cashier: “You! You! Hey, you! Yeah, you! What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: *wondering when that ever worked as clarification* “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but what’s wrong with your complexion?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Cashier: “You look like you’re paler than you’re supposed to be. Do you know what sun is?”

Me: “I have an interesting combination of genetics that somehow makes me immune to sunlight. I neither burn, nor tan, and no matter how long I am outside, I will not get darker.”

Cashier: “Oh, so, you’re a vampire.”

(I don’t think that means what you think it means.)

(I work the front desk at a hotel that offers complimentary shuttle service to local areas. Guests call the front desk when they are ready to be picked up.)

Caller: “I need the shuttle to pick up us.”

Me: “No problem. Where are you guys?”

Caller: “We’re outside Joe’s.”

(There is no business nearby called “Joe’s,” or even anything close to that.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say, ‘Joe’s’?”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “I apologize, but there isn’t anything close by called ‘Joe’s.’ Could it be something else, or are you possibly dialing the wrong hotel?”

Caller: *suddenly irate* “What the f***?! NO! Your shuttle dropped us off here at Joe’s Peppers less than an hour ago! I demand you pick us up!”

Me: *finally clicks* “Did you say, ‘Joe’s Peppers’? You mean, ‘Jose Peppers’?”

Caller: *silence for a few seconds then starts laughing maniacally* “I called it the wrong thing! Yes! Jose Peppers.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. The shuttle will be there for you in about ten minutes.” *hangs up*

Me: *to shuttle driver* “You have a pick-up. Careful, though; she’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster!”

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(I work in a big box store in the clothing department. I am also cashier trained. The fitting room attendant asks me if I would cover her lunch break at 7:30. A few minutes before 7:30, I decide to use the restroom up front before I take over for her. As I am walking up front to the restroom, I am stopped by a cashier. This cashier has a customer standing there with her items on the belt.)

Cashier: “Are you here to take over for me? It’s time for me to go home.”

Me: “No, I’m just going to the bathroom.”

Cashier: “Can you take over for me? It’s time for me to go home.”

Me: “Just enter [code that summons a manager].”

Cashier: “I don’t want to make the customer wait.”

(I’m thinking, “Then don’t make her wait; ring her up while you waiting for a manager,” but I don’t want to argue in front of the customer.)

Cashier: “Can you take over for me? Are you cashier trained?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Cashier: “But what? It’s time for me to go home. I don’t want to make this customer wait.”

(After a while of him arguing that it is time for him to go home, and the customer not getting rung up, I eventually agree to take over for him, because I want the customer to be taken care of. After he leaves, I call over a manager, and explain to her what happened.)

Manager: “So, he just left?”

Me: “Yep.”

(While I was explaining to the manager, the customer kept apologizing. We kept assuring her that she was completely not at fault.)

(I am helping a customer shop for pantyhose.)

Customer: “I don’t know what size I am.”

(I take a package and show her the size chart on the back.)

Me: “It’s based on your height and weight. How much do you weigh?”

Customer: “[Number] pounds.”

Me: “Okay, based on your weight, you should get [size].”

Customer: “But I’m not six feet tall.”

(The customer points to the height next to the weight. I point to where it says 4’11” next to 6′.)

Customer: “But I’m not 4’11”, either.”

Me: *inwardly face-palming* “It means it fits people between 4’11” and 6′. This is the size you need. This should fit you.”

(I only live a few minutes away from my work, so I stop there frequently for a bite to eat. The previous night, when I was working, the machine that handles all of the mochas, lattes, etc., was broken, so I keep that in mind when I find a coupon with a deal giving you a free coffee drink when you buy a big sandwich. After I pull up to the speaker and get the greeting…)

Me: “Is your coffee machine working?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I’d like to get [sandwich] and a mint mocha.”

(I get the total, pay at the first window, and go to the second window to get my food. I get my sandwich, but when my second coworker hands me my drink…)

Me: “Uh, I asked for a mint mocha, not a mint shake.”

(My second coworker looks a little confused, and the shift manager comes over to see what the deal is.)

Me: “I asked for a mocha, not a shake.” *holds up the wrong drink*

Manager: “Oh, the machine is broken.”

Me: “I even asked if it was working before I ordered.”

Manager: “I don’t have the smartest people on my shift today.” *walks away*

(I drove home with my correct sandwich and incorrect drink, still a little confused. I went to the survey website and gave my two cents about my experience, but I really couldn’t get too annoyed, as it was a free drink.)