It’s No Laughing Matter

, , , , , | Related | December 7, 2017

I was in my bedroom changing when my six-year-old son started to walk in. I was standing right behind the door so the door only opened a few inches before hitting me.

I called out to him, “I’m changing!” and his reply, in that sweet innocent voice of a young child, was, “Don’t worry, Mommy; I won’t laugh at you!”

Gee, thanks…

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You’ll Need Counseling After Their Counseling

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(I’m the receptionist of a small counseling office. One of the counselors has been providing services to a married couple who have been rude from day one. They are easily one of the worst couples to come through in my time at this job, and to make matters worse, they always bring their two children, a four-year-old who clearly has no rules or boundaries, and an infant who is the only one in the family who isn’t a problem. Yet. This particular day, they only have the infant with them. I inwardly cringe when they walk in, but greet them like I do everyone else.)

Me: “Good morning! Here to see [Counselor]?”

Wife: *nods but otherwise makes no indication that she realizes I exist*

Me: “Great. Go ahead and have a seat, and I’ll let [Counselor] know you’re here.”

(While I’m paging the counselor, the baby starts to scream, and I hear the woman say that the baby has spit up. She comes up to the counter to grab some tissues and stands there cleaning up the baby. She makes no effort to move when I have to answer an incoming call, even though she’s standing with her screaming baby not even two feet from me. I’m forced to put the caller on hold and go to the other workstation, as it sounds like a crisis call and I need to be able to actually HEAR what the caller is saying so I can handle it properly. It is a crisis, and I transfer it back to the appropriate counselor.)

Me: *moving back to my workstation* “Do you need me to get you anything to help?”

Wife: *ignores me and goes to sit back down*

(The phone rang again, pulling my attention away, and the counselor got them about a minute later while I was still handling the call. When I finished, I notice that the woman left the spit-up covered tissues on the reception counter. There was a trash can literally right beneath the counter where she left them. I cleaned everything up and sanitized the hell out of the counter – and my hands – and prayed for the day when they were done with counseling.)

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Unfiltered Story #101123

, , | Unfiltered | December 5, 2017

(We have an EXTREMELY large locust tree that has begun to show irreparable dieback following some unavoidable root damage. I’m pretty sure it needs to be removed, but am hopeful for any slight chances that a local arborist can save it. I start calling several tree-removal and trimming services for their assessment and quotes. The first business I call has no answering machine, but the owner returns my missed call sometime later.)

Me: “I’ve got a large honey locust, and I need someone to give me an estimate on removal, or on saving it if possible.”

Owner: “When are you free for an estimate?”

Me: “I’ve got all day today, and tomorrow afternoon.”

Owner: “I’ve got [Employee] in the area. I can send him over pretty soon for an estimate. Just give me your email address, since that’s how we’re sending out our estimates these days.”

Me: “Great! My email is [address]. Just so you know, though, I’ll be around for only another hour and 15 minutes, and then I’ll have to run out quickly for about 30 minutes. But after that I’ll be home. Is that a problem?”

Owner: “No problem; he’s close. Just text me your info and I’ll send him over.”

Me: “Great!”

(Twenty minutes later:)

Owner: *texting* “On his way now.”

(Forty-five minutes later:)

Me: *text* “I have to leave and get my daughter from preschool. If [Employee] is still on his way, he is welcome to head to the backyard (tree is obvious) and fill me in when I get back around [twenty-five minutes later].”

(Ten minutes later:)

Owner: *text* “He is there now; I’m sorry.”

(Fifteen minutes later:)

Me: *text* “I have returned home and no one is here.”

(I figured he’d come and gone and I’d get my emailed estimate. But 30 minutes after THAT, [Employee] and an assistant show up. The assistant is wearing only flip-flops, which didn’t do her feet any favors when she tripped over my rosebush on the way to the tree. In contrast, the next set of arborists to show up for an evaluation were both dressed in really sturdy workboots.)

Employee: “That tree is pretty far gone. Removal would be about $[range], but we could probably save it with a crown reduction for [$500 less], if you found someone to take the firewood and didn’t pay us to haul it.”

Me: “Well, I sure would like to save it if you think it’s got a decent chance.”

Employee: “Yeah, I think it’ll do pretty well. I bet we could get it scheduled this Friday.”

Me: “I don’t want to schedule it yet. I’ve got a couple other companies coming to give estimates through the end of the week. Can you please email me an estimate, and I’ll get back to you Friday if I want to go ahead?”

Employee: “Sure, no problem. Here, write down your email address for me.”

(I do, but I get no estimate in my inbox. Friday, I get a phone call.)

Owner: “Hey, this is [Owner] of [Tree Service.] The rain delayed one of yesterday’s jobs, so I was wondering if we could reschedule coming out for your tree until this afternoon?”

Me: “I’m sorry; what?”

Owner: “We can’t make it at ten, is it okay if I come out at two?”

Me: “I’m confused; what are we rescheduling?”

Owner: “The removal of your locust tree. We had it scheduled for right now.”

Me: “I didn’t have that scheduled.”

Owner: “Do I have the right number? Do you have the honey locust at [street address].”

Me: “I do, but I told [Employee] I was still getting estimates. I never scheduled. He never even emailed an estimate.”

Owner: “[Employee] had you scheduled for today.”

Me: “I am not prepared to have this tree removed today, and I need an emailed estimate first in any case.”

Owner: “I’m sorry about that; can I get your email.”

Me: “It’s [address].”

(I ended the call with as little frost as possible (“cordially” was beyond my capacity at the time). I still haven’t received the formal estimate. It was the highest of the three I got by far AND the only one that didn’t include deadwood removal, so I’m not too sad about letting them go.)

Unfiltered Story #101109

, , | Unfiltered | December 4, 2017

I’ve just joined a checkout line and inadvertantly placed myself in the center of this altercation.

[Cashier]: Ma’am I’ve already told you it is store policy to I.D. everyone attempting to purchase tobacco products. You have no identification and simply stating “this is my card” will not allow me to complete this purchase.

[Angry Woman]: Listen here kid I’ve shopped here longer then you’ve been alive! How do you treat your elders like this and sleep at night?

[Cashier]: Ma’am I-


[Cashier]: “Okay”

The cashier then proceeded to turn off the lane open light and calmly waked away leaving the woman to scream incoherently until she was removed by security!

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Behaving Like The Animals

, , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(I work housekeeping at a motel. One day, there is a terrible snowstorm. A coworker and I are chatting with a truck driver who has stopped for the night.)

Trucker Driver: “I don’t like [Sleazy Motel down the road]. There’s too many lizards.”

Me: “Lizards? In the wintertime?”

(The truck driver and coworker just gave me a look. About 25 years later, I finally got it. And for those who don’t know, a “lot lizard” is a prostitute that caters primarily to truck drivers.)

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