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What’s Another Word For Thesaurus?

, , , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

Customer: “Can you show me where I can find a ‘thirk-tionary’?

Me: “I’m sorry, a what?”

Customer: “A ‘thirk-tionary.’”

Me: “Do you mean a dictionary?”

Customer: “No, but they’re kind of like a dictionary.”

Me: “Um, okay, let’s go take a look at that section.”

(I take her over to where we keep the dictionaries. She grabs a thesaurus off the shelf.)

Customer: “Ah, here it is!”

Me: “Oh! You meant a thesaurus!”

Customer: “Yeah, a ‘thirk-tionary.’”

Me: “Um… Okay. Well, let me know if you have any more questions.”

Customer: “I will, thanks!”

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Literally ROFL

, , , , , , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

Years ago, I was working at a bookstore with a cafe in it. I had always gotten along well with the cafe crew and liked to joke around with them. When the fad of drawing a mustache on your finger to hold up to your lip first became a thing, I thought they would get a kick out of it. One day, before my shift started, I went and stood in line in the cafe to get my drink, like I usually did, and when it was my turn at the register I smiled, held the drawn mustache up to my lip, and made my order.

My coworker let out a boisterous laugh, and then literally doubled over on the floor laughing. I was shocked at her reaction, as I was only expecting to get a chuckle out of her, not this kind of extreme response. I stood there embarrassed as the line of customers behind me was wondering what was happening. Another coworker in the cafe, upon seeing the cashier on the floor, let out a disgruntled sigh and stepped over her to come take my order, obviously annoyed with both of us. I sheepishly repeated my order, paid without a word, and stood to the side, red-faced and looking at the floor.

After that, I decided to cut back on horsing around with the cafe crew… At least where customers would be watching.

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Stephenie Meyer Wrote This One

, , , , , | Working | April 12, 2018

(A friend and I are at the checkout line in a department store. The cashier at the till adjacent to ours interrupts our conversation and starts talking to me.)

Cashier: “You! You! Hey, you! Yeah, you! What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: *wondering when that ever worked as clarification* “Nothing’s wrong with me.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but what’s wrong with your complexion?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Cashier: “You look like you’re paler than you’re supposed to be. Do you know what sun is?”

Me: “I have an interesting combination of genetics that somehow makes me immune to sunlight. I neither burn, nor tan, and no matter how long I am outside, I will not get darker.”

Cashier: “Oh, so, you’re a vampire.”

(I don’t think that means what you think it means.)

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Extreme Couponing Extremely Offended

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes, I can’t believe this item is on sale! And then there is another 25% off coupon on top of that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that coupon is not good on [Sale] items.”

Customer: “This is not a [Sale] item!!”

Me: “Here is the ad; it does show that this is a [Sale] item.”

Customer: “Well, the ad I got in the mail does not say that it is a [Sale] item! This is false advertising! I will never shop here again, and I am going to contact your corporate office!”

Me: “Let me find the mailer and double-check; if it is a misprint they will accept it.”

(I dig in the trash to find a mailer and realize that the item she has just happens to be on the opposite side of her coupon. I flip her coupon over, and the item is pictured on the back of her coupon. Sure enough, the item has a banner across it saying, “[Sale], no further discounts or coupons apply.”)

Customer: “Well, that is just ridiculous, and I will not be back!”

Me: “Would you like me to remove the item?”

Customer: “No, I’ll take it!”

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “That is just f****** crazy!”

Me: “I can still remove it with no problem.”

(The customer swipes her card, cussing and muttering the entire time. I bag her purchase, thank her, and hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “You really enjoyed that, didn’t you?!” *throws her coupon at me and storms out*

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Peppered With Emotion

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work the front desk at a hotel that offers complimentary shuttle service to local areas. Guests call the front desk when they are ready to be picked up.)

Caller: “I need the shuttle to pick up us.”

Me: “No problem. Where are you guys?”

Caller: “We’re outside Joe’s.”

(There is no business nearby called “Joe’s,” or even anything close to that.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say, ‘Joe’s’?”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “I apologize, but there isn’t anything close by called ‘Joe’s.’ Could it be something else, or are you possibly dialing the wrong hotel?”

Caller: *suddenly irate* “What the f***?! NO! Your shuttle dropped us off here at Joe’s Peppers less than an hour ago! I demand you pick us up!”

Me: *finally clicks* “Did you say, ‘Joe’s Peppers’? You mean, ‘Jose Peppers’?”

Caller: *silence for a few seconds then starts laughing maniacally* “I called it the wrong thing! Yes! Jose Peppers.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. The shuttle will be there for you in about ten minutes.” *hangs up*

Me: *to shuttle driver* “You have a pick-up. Careful, though; she’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster!”

This story is part of our Joe roundup!

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