Good Thing The Players Were Smarter Than Their Fans

, , , , , | Learning | February 12, 2020

(It’s the Friday before our local pro football team is going to play in The Big Game, and most students at the school where I teach are wearing team gear. One student comes into the classroom with the star quarterback’s jersey on, but has it on backward.)

Teacher: “Dude, [Student], your shirt’s on backward.”

Student: “Huh?”

Teacher: “Your shirt. It’s supposed to say [Player] on the back, not the front.”

Student: “Oh.”

Teacher: “If you want to go ahead and turn it around right here, you can; I won’t judge.”

Student: *spins on his heels and does a 360*

Teacher: “Never mind; go sit down.”

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Those Prices Are Barking Mad

, , , , , , , | Working | October 18, 2019

(I am traveling to visit family for a belated holiday as we were spread across the country during the actual holidays. Due to unexpected difficulties, I find myself traveling with five companions, so I choose to take a plane rather than drive across the country. I book online so I can read all requirements fully, as this is my first time flying, let alone with every member of my household. I am incredibly nervous so, per directions on the form, I fill in everyone’s names exactly how their paperwork displays it. This is the rather amusing discussion that takes place when checking in.)

Me: “Hi. I need to check in for my flight to [Location]. Is it still scheduled to leave on time?”

Booking Agent: “As of right now it is, but there is some expected weather so listen to the announcements just in case. Can I get your reservation, please?”

(I hand her my paperwork and wait as she pulls it up, frowns at the screen, does a lot of typing and clicking, frowns some more, and then prints out the tickets.)

Booking Agent: *folding multiple tickets together* “That will be [price eight times the amount I had been quoted online]. Do you want that charged to the payment method you arranged?”

Me: “Wait! What? No, I was quoted [price] online; how did it go up so much?! I don’t have that kind of spare cash on that card, anyway!”

(I am freaking out inside and scared I will miss the get-together as I had not planned over $8,000 just for the flights, let alone hotels and everything else.)

Booking Agent: “You booked tickets for [My Name], L. Milo Hamilton, Walter E. Disney, Ernest T. Bass, Bertram T. Cates, and Fredrick II, correct?”

Me: “Yes, myself and five companions. That is what I believe your website describes them as, anyway.”

Booking Agent: “Well, clearly, there was a mistake while you were booking your tickets; you booked one flight for one person with five animals. You need six tickets as you are six people.”

Me: *looking at the agent, absolutely bewildered* “Ma’am, do you really believe I am flying with five people named after: a famous — and now deceased — sports announcer, the father of Mickey Mouse, two fictional characters from the early 1960s, and what is widely proclaimed to be the last king of Austria? I think you need to reconsider that. Otherwise, I will soon be the richest person alive, as I have either created time-travel or mastered cloning.”

Booking Agent: “People name their kids random names all the time.”

Me: “Please, take a moment and look at the paperwork I handed you. It has proof that those five ‘people’ are actually two cats, a ten-pound dog, and two sixty-pound dogs.”

Booking Agent: *looks at paperwork for the first time, pauses, eyes widen, lots of typing and then the sound of a shredder* “Your price is [price I was originally quoted] and it will be charged to your form of payment set up online. Please take your pets to the agent beside the gate for boarding.”

(I headed off to the sound of lots of suppressed giggling from the line behind me and a wave of relief at the enormous price being dropped to what I had budgeted for.)

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So Angry He’s Blacked Out

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2019

(I work at a call center doing customer service and technical support for a major sports organization. We offer an online streaming service for customers to watch the games live, which is subject to what are known as “blackouts.” What this means is that the individual sports teams sell the rights to their games to the sports networks, like FOX Sports or ESPN, and the networks then have the exclusive broadcasting rights to those games in that area. This means that we cannot stream those games to customers in that market. Our service determines your location based on your IP address and blacks you out from the correct teams. On occasion, a person is blacked out incorrectly due to the Internet connection being routed through a different location than they are currently in. If this is the case, we can manually input the person’s location so they can watch the game they want to watch. There are a lot of customers who are very upset about the blackout policy because often, the blackout area extends beyond the actual area the game is broadcast to. I can understand this frustration, and I’m used to dealing with callers who are upset by the blackout policy. However, this call stands out as one of the most ridiculous calls I have EVER taken on the subject.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Sports Organization]. My name is [My Name]. Are you a registered user?

Customer: “I want to speak to a manager right now!”

Me: “All right, sir, I can definitely get you a manager on the line. May I please have your email address so I can pull up your account first?”

Customer: “Well, I want to complain about these blackouts! I’m in [City] and I’m being blacked out from [game that he shouldn’t have been blacked out from]. I want to talk to a manager right now!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, and I definitely understand your frustration. Give me just one moment to pull up your account.”

Customer: “Why do you guys do these darn blackouts? It’s inconvenient and you need to stop it!” *continues ranting while I pull up his account and look over the information*

Me: “I definitely understand your frustration, sir. Who—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No, you don’t! I want to know why I’m being blacked out from [game]! I’m in [City nowhere remotely near either of the teams]! I can’t watch the game on the television and you’re blacking me out! You need to stop it!”

(I am beginning to suspect that the customer has been incorrectly blacked out based on where he said he was and what game he was trying to watch.)

Me: “Sir, if you’ll just give me one moment to look into this, I can check the blackouts in your area. What is the zip code you are currently located in?”

Customer: *gives zip code* “Now, why do you black people out in the first place? It’s inconvenient and you need to stop it! When I was in [State], I was blacked out from watching [Team], and now I’m in [Other State] and I’m blacked out from [Team that he shouldn’t have been blacked out from]. You need to stop it! You need to stop blacking people out right now!”

Me: “Well, sir, the reason that the blackouts occur is that the teams sell the rights to their games to local sports networks, such as FOX Sports and ESPN. The networks then determine the area that is blacked out from each individual team.”

Customer: “So what? You need to stop it! You need to stop making deals with the networks and let us watch our games!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir. Sometimes, an Internet connection is routed through a different location than it is actually in. When this happens, the website reads you as being in a different location than you actually are. In your case, this seems to be happening. If you’ll let me, I’d be happy to help you and get you watching your game.”

Customer: “You need to stop it! You need to stop blacking people out because of some insignificant deal you’ve made with some insignificant networks! You need to stop it!”

(After about fifteen minutes going on like this, in between which I manage to get him to give me the necessary information to manually input his location, I finally get him watching his game.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, you can tell your boss to stop blacking people out! The number of people who are out to screw the networks is so small it’s insignificant, and you need to stop it!”

Me: “I will definitely notate your concerns in my notes from this call, sir. [Sports Organization] does read these notes, so they will be made aware of your concerns. Now, is there anything else I can do for you tonight, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, you can put lots of capital letters in your notes! You need to stop it!”

Me: “Well, thank you very much for calling [Sports Organization]. You have a great evening.”

(Note, from that entire fifteen-minute call, my notes read as follows: “Customer was very frustrated with the blackout policy and was yelling that we needed to stop making deals with the sports networks.” I then detailed the steps I took to get him watching his game. Also note that even if the customer had spoken with a manager, the manager would not have been able to do anything more than I did for the customer. This policy is due to multi-million-dollar contracts that we have made with the sports networks and it is highly unlikely it will change any time soon.)

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H2O Becomes H2-Why?

, , , , | Learning | August 25, 2019

(I am and have been a referee for two years. One thing I must watch for is if a goalie brings his/her water bottle to the goal with them in case they get thirsty during the game, and make sure the water bottle is behind the goal and out of the way. I am an assistant referee for this game and don’t notice the goalie has done this. The ball ends up hitting her water bottle. Of course, the team I am refereeing is U11 girls, so I don’t expect them to know this law, fully blaming myself for not telling her. During a water break, I politely tell the goalie to make sure she puts her water behind the goal so it doesn’t get hit by the ball.)

Me: “Hey, keeper, make sure you put your water behind he goal so it doesn’t get hit.”

(The goalie nods and does as I asked. A few minutes later, I notice what looks like her grandpa walk over to her and ask her something I couldn’t hear. She replies to him loud enough for me to make out.)

Goalie: “She told me to put it behind the goal so it doesn’t get hit.”

(The grandpa then mumbled something and walked to her water bottle, picked it up, and brought it over to the other side of the goal — opposite of me — and placed it so I couldn’t see it. I just sighed and knew I couldn’t do anything about it. The second half rolled around. The bottle got hit TWICE MORE. Please, listen to referees.)

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Unfiltered Story #160094

, , , | Unfiltered | August 12, 2019

I work at a high class movie theater and it’s a slow day, when suddenly an Indian woman comes up to me scared, hyperventilating, and demanding to see a manager.

Woman: I need to see a manager now!

Me: Why, what’s wrong?

Woman: I was sitting in my theater when a man in a uniform came up to me and asked what movie I was seeing, down at he know what I’m watching, I think he wanted to hurt me, I want this man fired for his behavior.

Me: Ok, let me call my manager.

I call my manager and he talks with her, she describes the mans appearance as a tall thin black man with long black hair, and the manager calls the General Manager of the store because the woman was becoming more aggressive in how she wanted the employee punished and fired.

Once the General Manager was called down he called for every employee in the entire building to come down to the lobby and do a police lineup to find this “dangerous man”.

After over an hour of questioning we finally figured out who the culprit was, her. She was constantly changing her story on what the man looked like, who did it, and by the end of it he became a short white guy with shirt blond hair.

When the staff left I offered her an apology.

Me: I’m sorry that you had go go through with that, we will find this man. Would you like something before you go?

Her: No, I know you had something to do with this, your all going against me, well I’m not falling for it, I’m leaving and never coming back.

Me: What just happened?