Unfiltered Story #141274

, , , | Unfiltered | February 21, 2019

Texting – me to boss: How much must a customer DESERVE it before I am allowed to pluck her left eye from her inconsiderate skull? … Hypothetically speaking.

boss to me: You can’t do that, my friend. Sorry you had a bad one.

me to boss: Can I convince you to do it for me?

boss to me: lol, I don’t know, man. I kinda need this job.

me to boss: I’ll talk you into it in the morning.

Typically a half hour before we close, I start turning off all the equipment and cleaning up, counting down the cash register till and such. Once the doors close I take my paperwork up front and get it signed off on and my shift is over 5 minutes after the store closes.

I am not obligated to keep the machine running until 1/2 prior to close; being a 1 hour lab, 59 minutes until close and I could start shutting down and cleaning, but I generally like my customers and want to give them as much up-time as I reasonably can.

In an effort to bend over backwards in exceptional cases, I can sometimes hold out until just 15 minutes before close to shut down the equipment…  but that’s about all I can really muster without going into unapproved overtime.  And now-a-days unapproved overtime is the only type of overtime there is, and it is frowned upon.

Tonight at T-minus 31 minutes until closing time, my phone is ringing.

I answer with my usual business greeting and on the other end of the line is a frantic mother who needs pictures tonight for her son’s Eagle Court of Honor in the morning.

“A failure to plan on YOUR part does not constitute an emergency on MY part.” I thought, but did not say.

She asks if she can get an order to me in the next 5 minutes, if I could still have it ready for pickup tonight.  I explain that it depends on how many images are in the order and what sizes she is ordering; without knowing that I can’t tell how long it will take to print.  She lets me know she needs about 30 5×7 lustre prints.  I tell her that IF she gets the order to me in the next 5 minutes I can still get that done tonight.

At 20 minutes until close she calls back and lets me know she just hit the send button, and asks if I have her order to print yet.  I do not, but manually tell my computer to pull new orders down from the server and it starts downloading…  all 174 images for her 4x6s, 5×5, 5x7s, and 8x10s…  I try to tell her I’m not certain this will all download and print before the store closes, and she says she’ll be here in 10 minutes and can wait for them if they won’t kick her out once she’s inside, then hangs up…  Well, Hell.

A part of me want to say ‘Eff-it’ and shut everything down.  “Tried to tell you it wouldn’t be done tonight, sorry.” But I have a reputation as a photo-miracle-worker, and my lab has a reputation of being one of the best in the metro, and my company is known WORLD WIDE for treating it’s customers exceptionally well… so I commit myself to making it happen…

I’m irritated but not at eye-plucking levels yet… But wait, there’s more.

She gets there a few scant minutes before the doors go down, and wonders around our closed store while I finish up her order.  I’m packing them up at closed+10minutes when she comes back by to pick them up and pay.  As I’m ringing her up she says “You know, I really did order more than I’m going to be able to use, I can return the ones I don’t need, right?” … … …

Are you serious!? … But, still, not quite there yet…

“Ma’am, we offer a SATISFACTION guarantee on all of the products we produce; if for any reason you are dissatisfied with the QUALITY of the work we did, we would offer you a refund for the product, but normally on a custom order of photographic prints we would expect you to want what you have ordered.”

“So if I return them, tell them that they are too fuzzy?”

NOW… now is when I’m thinking, It wouldn’t be homicide if I just ripped out one eye… she would live, she would even adapt to having a fairly normal life.  She could be a pirate for Halloween. She’s EARNED it!

“Ma’am, if your images a pixelated, and you clicked through the low resolution warning with out reading, or if they are out of focus, customer service will probably allow you to return those prints.”

“Thank you very much for doing this for me tonight, most people wouldn’t have.”
No kidding, most people wouldn’t have– and YOU’RE the REASON people don’t want to help people.  I bend over backwards for you and whilst I’m contorted so, you try to find a way to slip a knife into my back!  Your son may be an Eagle Scout, but you, madam, are an awful human being.

One of the managers I hold in high regard once said something that stuck with me…  and it kept ringing in my head tonight: At our company “we bend over backwards for our customers, but don’t bend over forwards for them!”  I feel like she’s trying to give it to me up the butt with this one.

Your Complaints Are Weightless

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(I am working at a popular amusement park. We have this one big roller coaster that has lots of big hills designed to make the rider feel weightless. After riding this roller coaster with his daughter, an elderly man comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello! How was your ride on [Roller Coaster]?”

Guest: “Horrible, actually!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What can we do better?”

Guest: “Tear down the [Roller Coaster]!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “It needs to be torn down because it is super unsafe!”

Me: “We have licensed inspectors from the State of Missouri inspect each of our rides every month, and we inspect our rides daily.”

Guest: “You need better inspectors, then!”

Me: “And why is that?”

Guest: “Because my daughter and I almost flew out of the ride!”

(By this point, the daughter, who is about fifteen, is walking down the exit line.)

Daughter: “Come on, Dad! Let’s go.”

Guest: “Hold on! I’m talking to this little s*** over here.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Guest: “What the f*** is it?!”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the ride.”

Guest: “No! I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’ll go get him. Please wait here to the side of the loading platform of the roller coaster.”

(A conversation goes on between the man and his daughter. The other two ride operators are busy loading the next group of riders into the roller coaster. I take a notepad and a pen from the ride operator’s backpack and go back to the angry guest.)

Me: “I just called the manager.” *I really didn’t* “He wants me to write down some information for you to file a complaint.”

Guest: “I have a complaint to file, all right!”

Me: “What is your name?”

Guest: “[Guest].”

Me: “And what is it you wanted to file a complaint about?”

Guest: “The [Roller Coaster] is super dangerous and needs to be torn down.”

Me: “I can assure you that all of our rides here at [Amusement Park] are completely safe. But why do you feel that [Roller Coaster] violated our policy?”

Guest: “I almost flew out of my seat during that big hill!”

Me: “You know it is supposed to make you feel like that, right? They’re called ‘airtime hills’ and they are designed to make the rider feel weightless.”

Guest: “Wait. What?”

Me: “The [Roller Coaster] has specially designed hills, called ‘airtime hills.’ They are designed to make the rider feel like they are ‘floating’ out of their seat. Each seat is equipped with both seat belts and lap bar restraints, and we have never had a malfunction with the [Roller Coaster]’s restraint systems.”

Guest: “Oh. So… it is supposed to be like that?”

Me: “Yes. The manufacturer of [Roller Coaster] built the track layout specifically for that purpose.”

Guest: “Oh, s***. My bad. I didn’t know. I thought that it was unsafe. I don’t like that ‘floating’ feeling.”

Me: “It’s okay. It is actually a pretty common complaint us ride operators get.”

Guest: “Oh. Thanks for understanding. Can you tell us any rides that don’t have that scary ‘floating’ feeling?”

(I look around the ride platform because you can see some of the other rides from there.)

Me: “I can recommend the [Ride]. It is pretty calm and gentle in nature.”

Guest: “What does it do?”

Me: “It is a river raft ride where you float around the river in small boats.”

Guest: “Okay. And it completely safe?”

Me: “One hundred percent.”

Guest: “Okay.”

(He then walked off with his daughter. Some people are just super dumb.)

Does Not Register All The Registers

, , , , , | Right | January 30, 2019

(I am working at a baby store that is closing our location, but keeping all other stores open. Because of this, ALL registers are open, with our best cashiers ringing and others bagging, and we still have more than 20 people in each line. It has been a long day, with many stupid people, but this one will forever stick in my mind.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Thanks for waiting. Did you find what you needed?”

Customer: “You know, you should really have more registers open!”

(All I could do was stare blankly at her… Seriously, are you blind?!)

Escalating The Call

, , , , | Working | December 15, 2018

(I have been getting robocalls on my cell for weeks. One gives the option to “press one to talk to an agent, or press two to be removed from our calling list.” I hit two every time, but still get calls. I get fed up one day and press one.)

Scammer: “Hello. My name is [Scammer]. How can I help you save money on your insurance today?”  

Me: “Hi. I’ve been getting calls for weeks from you guys, and I’ve always pressed two to be removed, but I’m still getting calls. I’m going to ask you one more time to remove me from your call list, or the next time you call, I’m going to contact my state attorney general’s office and report your business.”  

Scammer: “Well, I’d like to make my wife have multiple orgasms, but I can’t do that, either. Now… I could be a d**k and take your name and number and sell it to all the other insurance companies and put you on all of their calling lists, but since you’ve been so polite with me… I’ll remove you from my call list. GO DOLPHINS.” *click*

Me: “Well, that escalated quickly.”  

(On the positive side, I really haven’t received any more calls from this company.)

Complaining Right Out Of The Gate

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2018

(I work at a well-known baby retailer. Guests can return items bought off of their registry. The item will come back at whatever price was paid for it by the gift giver. After returning a baby gate that was given to the customer at her baby shower, she walks over to me.)

Customer: “The price for the gate came back at $19.99; it’s a sixty-dollar gate. I don’t understand.”

(I know she returned it off of her baby registry, because I walked past as the transaction occurred.)

Me: “The prices come back at the price that was paid for it, not exactly the price that is listed. If you want, I can pull up an electronic receipt seeing why there is a huge price difference. Most likely, the gate was on sale or she had stackable coupons. Let me take a look.”

Customer: *looking very frustrated* “I don’t understand! It’s a sixty-dollar gate!”

(I pull up the receipt online, and it shows the gift giver purchased the gate not only on sale, but had multiple coupons that brought the gate down to the $19.99 price.)

Me: “Looks like she got a great deal here; she managed to use coupons and get a sale price. Were you looking to exchange the gate? Was something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I’m just going to purchase a new gate. I didn’t use the old one. Uh, thanks.”

(She walks off, seeming to understand how the system works. Thirty minutes later, she walks up to the service desk with an $89.99 gate.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous that I have to pay out of pocket for this gate. I should’ve gotten full price for the other one!”

(The cashier calls me over to see if I can fix the situation. At my store we have a “say yes to the guest” policy. No matter how wrong the guest is, or how outrageous the request, we’re obligated to make sure the guest leaves happy.)

Me: “I’m sorry this happened. Let me fix this in the computer so you can have an even exchange.”

(I then adjust the price so that even though there is a price difference, she will not pay out of pocket for anything.)

Customer: “You did not have to do that. That’s not what I wanted. It’s just ridiculous that I would’ve had to pay out of pocket. That doesn’t make sense; you should probably fix your system because I am not happy!” *storms out still mumbling*

(I later received an email from my district manager saying I had pissed off a guest enough to where she called customer service to file a complaint. She demanded compensation for her time and for dealing with “such stupidity.”)

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