You Donut Know What I Have Been Going Through Today

, , , , | Hopeless | May 1, 2019

(The gym where I’m employed has a monthly fee and a smaller fee that’s automatically charged on the same day once a year. This fee is to help cover maintenance, new equipment, paint and tile upgrades, parking lot resurfacing, etc. I work at the front desk and, as this is my first year, this is my first time fielding questions regarding this charge. I have been dealing with dozens of phone calls and walk-ins from angry members for the past week when a regular member comes in carrying a box of donuts.)

Member: “I saw that you all charged me a fee on top of my regular monthly fee last week.”

Me: *preparing for the worst* “Yes, ma’am, if you still have a copy of your contract, you’ll see—“

Member: “Oh, I know. I read my contract after seeing the charge and found where it says you all need a yearly enhancement fee. I bet you’ve had to explain it to many angry people.”

Me: “You have no idea!”

Member: “Well, I was almost one of them until I read my contract again. I can only imagine what you all up front have had to go through with this. I thought these donuts might brighten your day, as well as that of the rest of the front desk crew.”

Me: “Wow! Thank you so much!”

Member: “No worries. Don’t let the bad ones get you down!”

(My faith in humanity and my club’s members was pretty much restored after that!)

Unfiltered Story #147162

, , , | Unfiltered | April 18, 2019

[I work at home as tech support for a major ISP. I take calls from people who have internet service and help them connect devices, retrieve passwords, etc. I also do basic  It’s Memorial Day]

Me: “Good afternoon and thank you for calling [ISP] how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working.”

Me: *Works in the internet department only, so that’s obvious* Okay, well we can definitely take a look and hopefully I’ll be able to get everything sorted out for you pretty quickly here.”

(We go through normal troubleshooting. And I resolve her issue within 15 minutes or so.)

Me: “So we’ve got the laptop connected to the network again, and you can get online. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: No, thank you. I’m sorry you had to work today.”

Me: Ah… I don’t mind too much. You have a nice rest of your day.”

Customer: You too. *hangs up*

Me: … *facepalms, thinking* And just who do you think would have taken your call if we weren’t working today?

It’s Not Even Just A Game To Them

, , , , , , , , | Right | April 12, 2019

I don’t have cable, and my favorite football team is playing their biggest rival on a Monday night, on cable. I go to my favorite sports bar which is down the block from our city’s downtown arena, where a big nu-metal concert is going on.

The bar is empty except for me, and in the third quarter a group of two older couples obviously coming from or going to the concert come in. They load the digital jukebox with nu-metal songs. The football commentary disappears and Disturbed songs take over.

The bartender, as invested in the game as I am — it’s an extremely close and hotly contested game, as games between these two teams tend to be — switches the audio feed back and offers the couples refunds.

For the remainder of the game, all four take up seats a foot behind me and loudly and vociferously decide they are adamant fans of my team’s rival. They’re not doing anything technically wrong that the bartender can kick them out for, but they’re being total jerks, including surrounding me to shout cheers for my team losing on a last-second field goal.

After I close out my tab, the bartender takes my pint glass, refills it to the brim, and leans in and says, “Kill that; don’t kill them,” and lets me keep the souvenir pint glass advertising my favorite seasonal beer.

Didn’t make the loss any better, but it helped deal with a group of real-life trolls.

Thinks He’s In Charge (Port)

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2019

(I work at an electronics repair shop — a highly-regarded one that deals with some pretty advanced repairs. A customer has a tablet that he keeps breaking the charge port on. He has broken it repeatedly and this is our fourth time fixing it. He has left the tablet with another tech for us to order the part. As soon as it arrives, I have it installed and call the guy. The wholesale cost of the part is $18, so we do have a tangible minimum cost to maintain.)

Me: “Hey, [Customer], this is [My Name] at [Shop]. I’ve got your tablet here. It’s all put together, fully charged, and working perfectly. You can—“

(I’m updating the work order and see the dates. He had picked it up three days before he dropped it back off again. It was an easy fix, and repeat customers and word of mouth are invaluable in this field.)

Me: “—oh, wow. You were just here. Let me drop that $20 labour charge for you real quick… And that totals out to $21.70 after tax now.”

Customer: “I’m not f****** paying that. You people gave me a bad part! All I did was plug it in once and it didn’t work! You’re going to warranty this, a**hole!”

(If he had worded this like a decent person, he could have easily gotten it for half of our cost. We don’t bend to abusive customers.)

Me: “The plug looks like the cable was put in upside down. The warranty covers defects in the parts and workmanship. If it didn’t work and was in good physical condition, it would definitely be under warranty, but this is physical damage. I’m already pulling the labour cost as a show of good faith.”

Customer: “No! You put some kind of ching-chong China part from some ‘tee-uh-wani’ place! Just admit it! I want an American-made part this time!”

Me: “It’s an original equipment manufacturer Samsung part. It’s all made in Taiwan, Korea, and Vietnam. You’re already getting the repair at half of what you agreed on when you dropped it off. I’m not charging you extra or anything like that.”

Customer: “F*** you! Who’s the manager there?”

Me: *fire and joyful demons cackling fill the background of the shop as I say my favourite words* “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Who else is there, then? Who’s in charge?”

Me: “I’m in charge here. I’ve got my assistant manager here.”

Customer: *now huffing in anger, effectively, over saving $20* “Yeah, well, we’ll see about that. When I get there, I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S IN CHARGE!” *hangs up*

(Ten or fifteen minutes go by. I spend the time updating the notes with the interaction, make paper copies of everything we did, and dig out the old part to show him. I mention to my other tech that I think this guy might be the type to do something violent.)

Customer: *storms in the front door* “Are you [My Name]?! You think you’re tough? Want to say it to my face that I broke that f****** thing?”

(I’m not the stereotypical nerd. I deadlift three times my body weight, bench almost double, and keep my core and reflexes tight by trail riding dirt bikes. I look like a meathead, until I open my mouth and start talking about how cool it is that we’re at twelve-nanometer silicon microprocessors already. This guy is the peaked-in-high-school, overweight forty-something who tries to dress like a Harley biker, but doesn’t ride.)

Me: “Yeah, I’ve got the old part here. You can see how it’s stretched out on the bottom from the wider top edge of the plug being put in upside down.”

Customer: *leaning across the counter, trying to intimidate me* “That doesn’t prove anything.” *smacks part out of my hand* “You faked that. Or it was like that when I got it.”

(Around this time, one of our regulars comes in — a sweet old lady who usually just needs basic tech support. She’s a time waster, but always nice. This is also the point when I stop being polite. As soon as he smacks that part out of my hand, I decide he is going to pay for his repair and be blacklisted.)

Me: “No, we did not. That’s the exact condition it was in when it came in here. It got like that after you broke it, again. And it takes a lot of nerve to come in here and make that claim when this is your fourth repair for this exact problem.”

Customer: “What did you say to me? Give me a refund, now! All those parts broke, too, and you’re going to pay for it now!”

Me: *quite firmly, hitting the sale button on the register* “The total is $21.70 after tax.”

Customer: “You know what?” *grabs the tablet off the counter, walks halfway across the room, and turns back* “Sue me.”

Me: “Oh, we will.”

(I point to one of the security cameras that got a clear shot of his face, and then I read off his license plate number out loud and write it down. He sort of runs out of the door.)

Old Lady: *in the most stereotypical, sweet, old lady voice* “Well, that man was just a f****** c***, wasn’t he? I had my hand on my pepper spray the whole time. You say the word and I’ll run out there and get him while his window is down.”

(The poor assistant manager is a pacifist and is shaking from how stressed even listening to the whole thing made him. The owner comes by after being called and filled in. Shortly after he gets there, we get a call from corporate saying they’ve got an angry man on the phone demanding I be fired.)

Owner: “Oh, you’ve got him on the phone? Great. Let him know I haven’t finished filling out the police report just yet, so if he wants to be an adult he can call me and we can settle this.”

(The customer calls back a few minutes later and screams at the owner. I can’t hear the whole conversation, but at one point I hear the owner say, “Yeah. And if you’d talked to me like that you’d have got a h*** of a lot more than rude. I went back to jail for less than that.” The customer hangs up. Maybe three minutes later, he calls back. This time he is put on speaker phone.)

Customer: “My lawyer just advised me to pay you. Do you want a credit card over the phone?”

Owner: “Lawyer, huh? That’s pretty cool your wife is a lawyer. Yeah, a credit card will work.”

(He paid, contested the payment, lost the claim, and took a hit off his credit score, plus the fee. He called back weeks later threatening to protest the store. Over $20. Pepper Spray Grandma never paid full price again.)

Unfiltered Story #141274

, , , | Unfiltered | February 21, 2019

Texting – me to boss: How much must a customer DESERVE it before I am allowed to pluck her left eye from her inconsiderate skull? … Hypothetically speaking.

boss to me: You can’t do that, my friend. Sorry you had a bad one.

me to boss: Can I convince you to do it for me?

boss to me: lol, I don’t know, man. I kinda need this job.

me to boss: I’ll talk you into it in the morning.

Typically a half hour before we close, I start turning off all the equipment and cleaning up, counting down the cash register till and such. Once the doors close I take my paperwork up front and get it signed off on and my shift is over 5 minutes after the store closes.

I am not obligated to keep the machine running until 1/2 prior to close; being a 1 hour lab, 59 minutes until close and I could start shutting down and cleaning, but I generally like my customers and want to give them as much up-time as I reasonably can.

In an effort to bend over backwards in exceptional cases, I can sometimes hold out until just 15 minutes before close to shut down the equipment…  but that’s about all I can really muster without going into unapproved overtime.  And now-a-days unapproved overtime is the only type of overtime there is, and it is frowned upon.

Tonight at T-minus 31 minutes until closing time, my phone is ringing.

I answer with my usual business greeting and on the other end of the line is a frantic mother who needs pictures tonight for her son’s Eagle Court of Honor in the morning.

“A failure to plan on YOUR part does not constitute an emergency on MY part.” I thought, but did not say.

She asks if she can get an order to me in the next 5 minutes, if I could still have it ready for pickup tonight.  I explain that it depends on how many images are in the order and what sizes she is ordering; without knowing that I can’t tell how long it will take to print.  She lets me know she needs about 30 5×7 lustre prints.  I tell her that IF she gets the order to me in the next 5 minutes I can still get that done tonight.

At 20 minutes until close she calls back and lets me know she just hit the send button, and asks if I have her order to print yet.  I do not, but manually tell my computer to pull new orders down from the server and it starts downloading…  all 174 images for her 4x6s, 5×5, 5x7s, and 8x10s…  I try to tell her I’m not certain this will all download and print before the store closes, and she says she’ll be here in 10 minutes and can wait for them if they won’t kick her out once she’s inside, then hangs up…  Well, Hell.

A part of me want to say ‘Eff-it’ and shut everything down.  “Tried to tell you it wouldn’t be done tonight, sorry.” But I have a reputation as a photo-miracle-worker, and my lab has a reputation of being one of the best in the metro, and my company is known WORLD WIDE for treating it’s customers exceptionally well… so I commit myself to making it happen…

I’m irritated but not at eye-plucking levels yet… But wait, there’s more.

She gets there a few scant minutes before the doors go down, and wonders around our closed store while I finish up her order.  I’m packing them up at closed+10minutes when she comes back by to pick them up and pay.  As I’m ringing her up she says “You know, I really did order more than I’m going to be able to use, I can return the ones I don’t need, right?” … … …

Are you serious!? … But, still, not quite there yet…

“Ma’am, we offer a SATISFACTION guarantee on all of the products we produce; if for any reason you are dissatisfied with the QUALITY of the work we did, we would offer you a refund for the product, but normally on a custom order of photographic prints we would expect you to want what you have ordered.”

“So if I return them, tell them that they are too fuzzy?”

NOW… now is when I’m thinking, It wouldn’t be homicide if I just ripped out one eye… she would live, she would even adapt to having a fairly normal life.  She could be a pirate for Halloween. She’s EARNED it!

“Ma’am, if your images a pixelated, and you clicked through the low resolution warning with out reading, or if they are out of focus, customer service will probably allow you to return those prints.”

“Thank you very much for doing this for me tonight, most people wouldn’t have.”
No kidding, most people wouldn’t have– and YOU’RE the REASON people don’t want to help people.  I bend over backwards for you and whilst I’m contorted so, you try to find a way to slip a knife into my back!  Your son may be an Eagle Scout, but you, madam, are an awful human being.

One of the managers I hold in high regard once said something that stuck with me…  and it kept ringing in my head tonight: At our company “we bend over backwards for our customers, but don’t bend over forwards for them!”  I feel like she’s trying to give it to me up the butt with this one.

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