Your Boobs Are Practically Volcanic Today

, , , , , | Romantic | July 22, 2019

(My wife is nine months pregnant and is trying on new nursing bras in the bedroom. I’m sitting by the door, but in the living room.)

Wife: “Our bedroom smells like farts for some reason.”

Me: “Okaaaaay?”

Wife: “Wait, I think it’s just the plastic from my new bra.”

Me: “That… only raises more questions.”

(A few seconds later she comes out and basically pushes her chest in my face.)

Wife: “Random question: does my boob smell sulfury to you?”

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I Got 42 Problems And You’re One

, , , , , , | Related | June 11, 2018

(It’s well known that when someone, usually my wife, asks, “Random question,” my immediate response, without hesitation, is, “42.” Usually, she responds with an eyeroll. This morning as I am making breakfast, a random thought hits me…)

Me: “Random question.”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “SIXTY-FOUR!” *he is a fan of the Beatles… so it’s an easy mistake to make*

Me: “No… the answer to everything is 42. Anyway, I had a random question.”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “FORTY-TWO!”

Me: “No… a random question for your mother.”

(My wife, a Spanish teacher, gets that glint in her eyes as it’s FINALLY her turn… but her mouth is full.)

Me: “I know… cuarenta y dos, but seriously, I just had a question.”

Wife: *immediately grabs her plate and walks into the bedroom closing the door*

Me: “But didn’t you want to hear the question?!”

(For those still curious, my random question was this… “Do helium tanks get heavier, or lighter as more helium is used out of them?”)

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