The Number One Car Problem

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2018

(An older female customer calls with a complaint about her car.)

Customer: “Since you serviced my car last week, my tire is leaking. There is a puddle under it that gets bigger every day.”

Me: *trying to think what would leak fluid near the tire* “Have you been running the windshield washer fluid to clear the frost off the windows in the morning? The drain is near there.”

Customer: “No, I think the tire fluid is leaking.”

Me: *at a complete loss but thinking possibly brake fluid or a strut is leaking* “Bring it in; we’ll take a look.”

(The customer shows up with an obvious water stain on the outside of her tire. Our tech agrees to take a look and drives it into the shop. I give his analysis to the lady.)

Me: “The tech looked at your car, and that liquid is dog urine.”

Customer: “But the puddle gets bigger every morning.”

Me: “Once a dog finds a place to mark, it tends to become a popular spot for other dogs.”

Customer: “A dog is peeing on my car tire every day?!”

Me: “Looks like it.”

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They Can Be Found On Aisle 69

, , , , | Right | March 21, 2018

(I’m working on setting up an end cap for our “Back to Business” promotion when an attractive woman in her late 20s walks up to me.)

Customer: “I’m wondering if you have any cocks?”

Me: *after taking a moment to register what I thought she said* “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I’m looking for cocks and was told you might have some here.”

(Thinking I may have slightly misheard her, I assumed she was talking about caulk.)

Me: “Normally, we don’t sell the stuff, but occasionally an online order will get returned and find its way to the fastener section. Let’s go see if there’s anything floating around there.”

(We go to that section and, of course, I don’t see anything. That’s when the customer speaks up.)

Customer: “That seems weird. Why would waw cocks be put in with goo and binder kips?”

(Sudden realization happens. She has a slight speech impediment that seems to be preventing her from saying her Ls.)

Me: “Oh! Wall clocks! They’re right this way.”

(Most awkward conversation I’ve had in quite some time. Thankfully, she left happy and didn’t seem to notice my slight discomfort from the initial question.)

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