(My seventh grade Social Studies teacher was known best for two things: his wacky, offbeat sense of humor and his equally wacky ties. He had a gift for getting students interested in learning history, too.This was by far his most notable class opening when I was a student:)

Teacher: “Okay! Who here knows the story of the first recorded streaker in history?”

(And that is how you get twelve-year-olds interested in Archimedes.)

(It is first day of my junior high biology class.)

Teacher: “We’re going to be discussing many things in biology and using terminology that some of you may not be familiar with like ‘organism’ which I know sounds like a different word. Do not get them confused ‘accidentally.’ It’s not funny or clever.”

(The class continues as normal for 15 minutes.)

Boy: “ORGASM!”

Teacher: *facepalms as the class kills itself laughing* “Yes, [Boy], that’s the word I told you NOT to confuse with organism…”

(After three years of watching classmates cross the stage to receive awards, at assemblies I am finally slated to receive one. It’s the last day and it’s my last chance. I go to school all dressed up.)

Principal: “So many students are going to receive awards that we don’t have time for everyone to get theirs at the assembly. Your home-room teachers will pass them out.”

(A few of the class’ bigger and meaner guys surround me as shop class is about to begin.)

Thug #1: “You are so dead.”

Thug #2: “Yeah, what’d you go and do that for?”

Thug #3: “Messin’ up our projects like that?!”

(I ask them, rather timidly, what the problem was. They show me. Each of us has a woodworking project, and my name is scribbled on theirs in green ink.)

Thug #1: “You have a green pen; you did it!”

Me: “Yes, but look…”

(I pull the green pen out of my pocket, and write on a piece of paper.)

Me: “See? The ink is black, not green. Whoever is trying to set me up didn’t do their homework. Besides, why would I want to put MY name on YOUR projects?”

(The cadre of thugs looked at each other, confused. They would have loved to give me a good beatdown, but they had no excuse, and were a little embarrassed to be fooled so easily. So they threatened me not to do it in the future, and went on their way.)

(This takes place in my geography class. We’re looking at Great Britain.)

Teacher: “Now, who can tell me what countries are part of Great Britain?”

(A few people raise their hands, including me, and the first couple of people get the question wrong. Finally, she gets to me.)

Me: “England, Scotland, and… Ireland?”

Teacher: “Close. It’s actually Wales, not Ireland.”

Other Student: *points and starts laughing at me*

Teacher: *glares at the other student* “You shut up. You guessed Italy and Germany were in there.”

This story is part of our Scotland themed roundup!

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Read the Scotland themed roundup!