Not Even Offering Them A Deal(ership)

, , , , , , , | Legal | August 29, 2018

While driving my parents’ car on a long trip at night, the engine just stops and all the warning lights come on. I’m able to get the car off the road and open the hood. There is a massive amount of smoke and steam coming from the engine and after checking, I find that there is no coolant at all in the reservoir. I get to wait by the car while arrangements are made to pick both the car and me up.

The next day after examining the car, it is determined that a coolant hose came off while I was driving, and that caused the engine to overheat and seize. Over the next few days, my father acquires a new engine and swaps out the old engine with the new one. We then find out that my brother had taken the car in for some repairs a few days before my trip to dealership, and it was one of the hoses they worked on that came off.

My father is in contact with the dealership, but they say they are not at all at fault and refuse any kind of compensation. So, my father decides to take them to small claims court.

After a few months, we are all at the courthouse. The judge comes in and the case is read to her. As soon as the dealership’s name is mentioned, the judge asks for the lawyers — both ours and the dealership’s — to come forward and have a private discussion. This seems very odd, but all we can do is wait for our lawyer to come back and tell us what’s going on.

After a few minutes, our lawyer comes back with a smile on her face. Apparently, the judge is also having “issues” with the dealership, so she has to remove herself due to a conflict of interest. We can’t believe it.

Once the judge has officially removed herself from the case, the dealership settles for everything we wanted.

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This Judge Is A Joke

, , , , , | Legal | August 27, 2018

(I am a prosecutor in a small-town traffic court, and the judge is seeing walk-in defendants about their traffic tickets. A sweet-looking elderly lady has a ticket for an expired registration on her car, a very easy matter to deal with. As she approaches the bench, for some reason the judge’s sense of humor kicks in and he greets her with the following:)

Judge: “Hello, Mrs. [Lady]. It says here you’ve been charged with theft and attempted murder. How do you plead?”

(The poor lady goes wide-eyed, clutches her chest, and staggers backwards. As the bailiff rushes up to keep her from falling, the judge quickly back-pedals:)

Judge: “I’m sorry! It was a joke! I’m so sorry! Case dismissed!”

(I never witnessed him try to “joke” like that again.)

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The Judicial Blintz

, , , , , | Legal | August 19, 2018

(This takes place many years ago. My great-grandmother is in court to become a US citizen, when this happens.)

Judge: “What are the three branches of government?”

Great-Grandmother: “Executive, Legislative, and Jewish.”

Judge: “You’re Jewish?”

Great-Grandmother: “Yeah.”

Judge: “Do you know how to make blintzes?”

Great-Grandmother: “Yes, of course.”

Judge: “My wife tries to make them, but they always fall apart. What should she do differently?”

Great-Grandmother: *gives blintz-making advice that sadly has been lost to time*

Judge: “I’m approving your citizenship application. Congratulations.”

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