(A woman is filling out a job application outside my office as I work. She knocks on the door with a question, and then pauses.)

Applicant: “Oh, look at your tissue box!”

(I glance at it. It’s a normal tissue box from a multipack, sitting on my desk.)

Me: “Yeah. My allergies are sometimes bad.”

Applicant: “Oh, but it’s perfect! It would match my living room perfectly! Where did you get it?”

Me: “[Grocery Store], a while ago. Looks like they are [Brand]. Do you have any other questions?”

Applicant: “No, no. Oh, I buy [Brand], too, but I never get a beautiful green design like that! It would match my living room so well.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Applicant: “I got an okay taupe color, but it only came in a multipack with a terrible red box. Did you get that recently?”

Me: “A bit ago, I guess.”

Applicant: “Oh, that’s a shame. The patterns are seasonal, you know.”

Me: “I… uh… guess I’ve never noticed… or cared. How about you finish your application?”

Applicant: “I would do anything for a box like that.” *sighs*

(She leans against my door frame for a bit, then goes back to her application and turns it in to the hiring HR manager. I make mention to the HR manager that she seemed off, but the applicant passes the initial interview and is hired. On her second day of training, I’m walking through the store when our trainer pages me.)

Trainer: “Okay. You’re not going to believe this, but one of my trainees was walking down the hall to our room and saw your office door was ajar. Before I could stop her, she ran inside, grabbed your box of tissues, and ran out of the building!”

(The applicant was fired for theft and banned from our property. I hope the mostly-empty box of tissues brought her joy, though!)

(I am a cashier in a locally-owned, market-style grocery store. Typically, when people come in and are looking for someone, they come ask a cashier since we are easy to find. During April and May, we do a small round of hiring for summer staff. A guy comes in and tells one of the coworkers he’s here for an interview.)

Coworker: “Okay, do you know with who?”

Guy: “I don’t remember his name.”

Coworker: “Do you know what department?”

Guy: “Uh… I think food.”

Coworker: “Well, this is a grocery store.”

(My coworker took him to meet the manager that was hiring when someone told her he was the only one with interviews scheduled.)

(We have a staff vacancy advertised in the window. Two people in their early 20s come in: a guy in a torn T-shirt with the word “BROKE” in huge lettering, and a girl. The girl comes up to the counter.)

Girl: “Hi, can you tell me what the hours are like for the job vacancy, please?”

Me: “Sure. It’s a 30-hour contract, but there’s usually extra overtime available. Shifts vary from week to week, but we do need you to be available to work weekends. Do you want to leave a CV?”

Girl: “Oh, it’s actually not for me; it’s him that’s looking.” *to guy* “Babe, did you bring any CVs?”

(The guy has been on his mobile the entire time, walking around the shop, prodding things on the shelves. He doesn’t even acknowledge us.)

Guy: *on phone* “I properly f***ed up on that one, mate… Nah, he didn’t find it yet.”

Me: “Umm, okay, no problem. You can apply online if you go to our website.”

Girl: “That’s great. Is it just [Shop].com?”

Me: “That’s right; there’s a tab at the bottom that says, ‘careers.’”

(The guy is still on phone, even louder now. Other customers are staring at him.)

Guy: “You know what, bruv? You go ahead and smoke it. Might as well get it smoked, innit?”

(He holds the phone to his shoulder to mute it, turns to the girl for the first time since they came in.)

Guy: “We done, girls?”

(The girl gave me a look that says she knew how awful he was, and they left. But not before he clicked his tongue and winked at me. I rather wish he HAD left a CV, so I could have given head office a name to avoid!)

(We are currently hiring for a large number of open positions, so we will take interviews from pretty much anyone. I am calling a job applicant.)

Applicant: “My roommate is looking for a job, as well; can I refer her to you?”

Me: “That would be great, actually! Can I have her phone number and name?”

Applicant: “Her name is [Roommate], and this is our landline; you can reach her at this number.”

Me: “All right. When would be a good time to reach her?”

Applicant: “She is standing here with me, right now. After we are done, just call back and she will pick up.”

Me: *pause* “Would it be possible for you to hand her the phone?”

(I’m looking for a new job and have an interview with a recruiting company. Please note I’m a trained secretary and know what I’m doing in an office setting. The current job situation in my city means I can pretty much choose from several job offers. This company has good reviews, but when I come in:)

Receptionist: *bored and barely looking at me* “All right, you must be [My First Name]. Please follow me.”

(I’m a bit taken aback, as it’s very uncommon here to call people by their first name without being invited to, but I hold my tongue and follow her to the interview room. It’s all right, if a bit minimalistic with the only “refreshments” being a bottle of water.)

Receptionist: “Take a seat where you like. Well, preferably that one. Help yourself to water if you want; the bottle is not even open yet. Oh, and the glasses are clean.”

(She left without a further word. I was completely taken aback because… why would you even mention that the glasses in your meeting room are clean? I really hoped they always were! To top it off, the “personal information questionnaire” I was asked to fill out included questions such as, “Are you in any debt?”, “Do you smoke?”, and “Are you planning on having children?” These are things no potential employer is allowed to ask. Needless to say, I didn’t stay very long.)

This story is part of the second Job Interview roundup!

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Read the second Job Interview roundup!