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First Impressions Lead To Confessions

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2011

(I’m in the store office. From the camera screens, I can see a young man shoplifting. I hit the record, gathering evidence as he goes around the store. He is putting things into his pocket, jacket, etc. He next comes up to the back of the store, and knocks on the door to my office. I put the chain on the door before opening it.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m [Name]. I’m here for the job interview.”


This story is part of the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!

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Read the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!

Application Confrontation

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2011

(I’m walking the floor. A customer walks through the front door and approaches me.)

Customer: *mutters* “Where do I go to fill out an application?”

(I have a walkie-talkie and headset on. When the customer asks her question, my manager begins to speak to me over the walkie.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t quite catch that.”

Customer: *raised voice* “Where. Can. I. Go. To. Get. An. App-li-ca-tion? Don’t they teach you how to listen here?”

Me: “Yes, they do. Someone was talking in my ear, so I didn’t hear you the first time. You can pick up an application over here.”

(I walk her to the application kiosk. About an hour goes by, and I get a call on the walkie that a customer wants to see me. It’s the same customer.)

Customer: “Oh, you again. I just finished my application. Is there a manager or human resources available to talk to? Should I repeat myself again?”

Me: “You’re talking to him.”

Inter-Screwed

, , | Right | November 30, 2010

(It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

(I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

(I consult my notes.)

Me: “Mr. Becker?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”


This story is part of the Bad Interviews roundup!  This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

15 Times Employees Were Pushed So Far They Had To Quit!

 

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Read the Bad Interviews roundup!

I Now Pronounce You Employed

, , , , , | Right | September 28, 2010

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, are you hiring?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a family-run business. Is there something you wanted to eat?”

Customer: “No. I wanted a job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot hire you. If you don’t want anything to eat, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We are very busy today.”

(The customer leaves, frustrated. Not ten minutes later, he returns.)

Me: “Hello again, do you want something to eat now?”

(The customer gets down on one knee.)

Customer: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Sir, please stand up.”

Customer: “Please? It’s my only hope of getting a job!”

May We Suggest Hire Education

, , , | Right Working | August 27, 2009

Customer: “Can I have an application to work here?”

Me: “We will need a copy of your resume before you fill out an application.”

Customer: “What’s a resume?”

Me: “A resume lists your work experience and contacts.”

Customer: “Where do I get one?”

Me: “You can find lots of books that tell you the correct way to fill one out.”

Customer: “Can you write one for me?”

Me: “I don’t think you’re gonna get this job.”