When Education Costs You More Than The Fees

, , , , | Working | June 14, 2017

(I am one of the unfortunate former students of a for-profit college that was fined for massive student fraud and shut down. At the time of this incident, I am struggling to find a position in the career I graduated for, and have my resume posted on as many job search websites as I can find. I get a phone call one day:)

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “This is she.”

Caller: “Hello, [My Name], this is [Caller] from [Door-to-Door Insurance Company].”

Me: “Uh, I believe there’s been a mistake. I haven’t signed up for any talks on insurance.”

Caller: “Oh, no, we actually saw your resume online and believe we have a position that you would be perfect for!”

Me: *immediately suspicious, but I put on a falsely cheerful tone* “You have a position for medical administration? That’s great!”

Caller: *her own cheerful tone is suddenly forced* “Oh, uh, well, er no… but we DO have many positions available and—”

Me: “Oh, so you have a regular administration position open?”

Caller: *through her teeth* “Uh, no, ma’am. My position is the only position in our company that deals with administrative duties and it’s not available….”

Me: *no longer pretending to be cheerful* “So you saw my resume, a resume CLEARLY marked for ‘administrative positions only’ and you wanted to offer me a job that I’m not qualified for?”

Caller: “Well, we do have a class you can take that will certify you to sell insurance. It costs $1,500 to complete, but we waive the cost of the class if you graduate and if we hire you.”

(She said the ‘if’ parts really fast like she was trying to hide it.)

Me: “IF?! Are you being serious right now?! You want me to attend yet another school and accrue MORE debt, which will only be waived IF I graduate and IF you hire me?! You saw my resume. You should KNOW that my skills are specific to administration, and especially medical administration. Knowing that, why did you even call me in the first place?”

Caller: *half mumbling* “Actually, my manager read your resume and just gave me your contact info…”

Me: *coldly* “I think we’re done here.”

(And I hung up. Months later I was told that due to the aforementioned fraud, employers in my field don’t consider my education to be valid enough to risk hiring. I’m still waiting on the decision for loan forgiveness for my worthless education.)

Homeless Is Where The Heart Is, Part 8

| Alicante, Spain | Hopeless | March 6, 2017

I work in a fairly busy area, and as such have huge difficulty parking; however, there’s a seemingly homeless man who, without fail, will help people find spots. I make sure to give him some change when I can and he’s a genuinely lovely person.

One day I’m helping with the interviews and who should walk in but this man. He’s incredibly nervous, and the suit he’s wearing isn’t exactly his size, but he does great until one of the other interviewers asks for any character references, of which he seemingly has none.

I take this opportunity to mention how hard he tries to help people, and is there every morning without fail, and as I’m talking, the man’s eyes widen as he recognizes me. He was hired due to my reference and has not only become one of the hardest workers here, but has his own flat and comes in every day with a huge smile.

 

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Inter-Screwed

, , | London, UK | Right | November 30, 2010

(It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

(I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

(I consult my notes.)

Me: “Mr. Becker?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”

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Bureaucracy’s Hidden Benefits

, , , , | | Right | September 10, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.”

Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?”

(The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.)

Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.”

Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.”

Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.”

Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click*

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