Five or six years ago, I was working in the IT department of a non-profit. Staff started leaving after the new Chief Information Officer came in. He brought in his own management team! We were desperate to backfill Linux administrators since half the team left.

This resume came through Human Resources. The work history seems a bit off: short-term contracts, a few months there, a few months here. We had doubts even before we contacted him for a phone interview.

Coworker: “How do you rate yourself as a Linux admin, on a scale of one to ten?”

Applicant: “To be modest, I’m a ten.”

I muted the phone and we both started laughing. I unmuted the phone.

Me: “So you know the OS well. How would you extend a logical volume?”

Applicant: “Oh, I don’t do the day-to-day stuff. I just create a ticket for the other team. I mainly do architecture.”

My coworker muted the phone.

Coworker: “Is this guy serious?”

We chuckled and got back to the interview.

The next few questions were all pretty simple, but the applicant gave variations of “I have no idea” deflections.

I muted the phone again.

Me: “If he doesn’t know the basics, there’s no point in continuing the phone interview.”

But I decided to give him another chance

Me: “How would you set up passwordless SSH?”

Applicant: “Why don’t you stop asking me basic questions? Ask me about troubleshooting.”

At this point, we gave up and gestured a thumbs-down.

Coworker: “We have no further questions. Do you have questions for us?”

Applicant: “When will you decide to fill the position? I have great confidence in starting this new opportunity.”

A manager came around our office looking for anyone who knew a guy he was about to interview. No one seemed to know, but the name was very familiar. It bugged me like crazy; I was sure I knew him. But from where?! I spent the evening thinking it over, and I checked his social media. We clearly hadn’t worked together or lived near each other. His face looked so familiar, too.

A few days later, I see the guy come in for his interview, and then it hits me. I know now where I know him from.

I manage to catch the manager later that day.

Me: “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about the guy you interviewed.”

Manager: “He seemed like a really good fit. You think you know him? It would help him settle if there is a familiar face.”

Me: “I just realised today that I interviewed him for a position at another company. Offered him a job.”

Manager: “And?

Me: “We checked his references afterward and none of them were real. Like, some of the companies didn’t even exist.”

Manager: “What did he say?”

Me: “He lied about it and told me that they must have all closed down since he left. But I checked, and they never existed in the first place. The guy lasted a week, and then he stole several office items and didn’t return his IT equipment.”

Manager: “Ah, okay. Well, I’d best check that out.”

Sure enough, he had done the same thing. All his references were fake, and the offer was withdrawn. It takes some guts to lie so blatantly like that!

Many years ago, I was working as a chef and de-facto kitchen manager at a nice French-Italian restaurant in London. I was a part of the interview process for our restaurant’s front of house, as well as the kitchen. One morning, we’re wrapping up the interview of a young waitress.

Me: “Okay, this all looks good, and your references check out, so we’ll see you Monday morning at six.”

Waitress: “Huh?”

Me: “Didn’t [Front Of House Manager] explain our policy on cross-training?”

Waitress: “Oh, that. But I don’t want to cook food, just serve it.”

Me: “That’s fine, if you don’t want to work in the kitchen you don’t have to.”

She gets all smiley again.

Me: “But all front of house staff do their first week in the kitchens, and all members of kitchen staff do a week out front. This helps us all to understand what folk are dealing with.”

Her face fell.

She never came in for her first (or any other) shift. Over the years, I enforced that policy (despite wailing from all departments at first). It remained the smoothest and least resentful relationship between front of house and back that I can recall in any restaurant.

I’m working in the box office on a slow day when a man who looks to be in his mid-fifties enters the building and walks in.

Man: “Are you hiring?”

Me: “Not at the moment. We just finished hiring new employees the other day. But if you’re interested in working here, keep an eye out on our website, as we usually hire new employees multiple times a year.”

Man: “Well, that’s the thing. I heard you were hiring and applied a month ago, and I wasn’t selected to be interviewed.”

Me: “Ah, I’m sorry. We usually get a lot of applications when we are hiring, so I wouldn’t take it personally. If you’re still interested in working here, I’d say just keep putting in applications, and chances are, sooner or later, you’ll get an interview.”

He narrows his eyes and becomes suddenly furious.

Man: “I demand to know why I didn’t get an interview!”

Me: *Taken aback* “I’m sorry?”

Man: *Shouting* “I need a job! And I demand to know why I didn’t get an interview!”

Me: “Sir, I have no way of knowing why you didn’t get an interview. It could be any number of factors. Plus, like I said, we get a lot of applications, and we can’t necessarily interview and hire everyone.”

Man: “I need a job! And I need money! I’m new in town! And I don’t have anything! I want a g**d*** interview!”

Me: “Sir, please do not shout in our lobby.”

Man: *Continuing to shout* “Why wasn’t I given an interview?!”

He then starts swearing and screaming weird, excessively detailed tragic stories from his life for about a full minute — people he knows who died, people he knows who are in jail, etc.

My manager hears the racket and comes out of her office. She calmly talks him down and asks him for his name and phone number so she can “check his application and see if we could fit in an interview for him.” This seems to please him and he finally leaves.

Me: *Shocked* “Are you honestly going to give him an interview?”

Manager: “No, I just needed his name so I can flag it in our system and put out an alert to ignore any applications from him in the future. There’s no way in h*** I’m giving that guy a job. I’m not having someone that volatile working with you guys. If he comes back and acts up again, get me and I’ll call the police.”

To his credit, he came back about a week later and offered a genuine-sounding apology for his behavior, which he attributed to a recent family death putting him on edge. He also made it clear that he knew he wouldn’t get a job with us due to his outburst. We haven’t seen him since. I do hope that he’s getting over his issues, though.

I put in an online order to pick up some cat litter at my local pet store for curbside pickup. When I get to the store, I click in the app that I’m there, but after several minutes, no one comes out, so I go inside to collect my order. 

I’m wearing a ratty T-shirt and gym shorts, my hair is barely brushed, and I have my headphones around my neck as I was going to do some yard work after this quick errand that I didn’t expect to get out of my car for.

When I walk in, there is a line of seven or eight people at the only open register, and there are no other employees in sight. I stand behind the open register and wait to catch the person’s eye so they can radio someone, and they look over.

Employee: “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

They finish with the current customer.

Employee: “Are you here for the interview?”

Me: “No, I have an online order.”

They looked disappointed and then radioed someone who came from the back and got the cart with my litter. 

I went to their website and they are hiring at $10 to $11 an hour. That might explain why they are short-staffed, but if people are showing up in yard work attire, that might also explain it.