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The Worst Helicopter Parent To Have Ever Helicoptered

, , , , , , , , | Working | March 29, 2023

We are hiring for an entry-level admin assistant in the office. It’s a great opportunity for someone to get experience in an office environment, so we have a lot of candidates. To speed things along and to keep things initially casual for nervous first-time jobseekers, we run group interviews in an open green area next to our lobby.

It’s a lovely spring day, and each candidate (about eight of them in attendance) is going through their introductions when a car screeches into the parking lot. The lobby is separating us from the lot (it’s a private green surrounded by the office building — nice and private) but the car is so loud we can all hear it.

We look over to see a harried-looking woman storming out of the car, illegally parked in front of the building. One of the interviewees suddenly goes pale.

Interviewee: “Oh, no.”

The woman barges past security in the lobby screaming about something. She looks past the lobby, through the glass doors, and into our little group. Her eyes go wide and she beelines for us.

Interviewee: *To me and the other interviewers* “From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for what is about to happen.”

The woman tries to make it to the green, but security finally stops her momentum. We can now hear her.

Woman: “That’s my son! I did not give him permission to be here without me present!”

We look at the now-red interviewee.

Interviewee: “Yes, that’s my mother. I’m also eighteen, as you saw on my application, so I don’t need her permission.”

Security may have stopped her, but she isn’t going anywhere, so I feel it best to step into the lobby and speak to the woman.

Me: “Ma’am, please calm down and explain to me your issue.”

Woman: *Not calming down* “That is my son in there! I am to be present at all his job interviews! I have made this clear on all the resumés I sent out for him!”

[Interviewee] approaches behind me.

Interviewee: “Mom! I sent my own resumé for this job! No one is going to take a resumé seriously when the mother demands to be in the room for the interview!”

Woman: “Nonsense! You are my son and—”

Me: “And he is also a legal adult, ma’am, and does not need permission from his mother to be here. This interview is for candidates and interviewers only.”

Woman: *To her son* “Come on now, [Interviewee]! This is obviously not the place for you!”

Me: “Ma’am, please leave at once or we will call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”

Woman: “I am not leaving without my son!”

Interviewee: *To me* “I’m really, really sorry. I know her, and she will get herself arrested rather than stand down. I don’t even know how she knew I was here. I’m going to leave with her. I am sorry to have wasted your time.”

He then grabs his mother by the arm, and they march out fast. He looks embarrassed and she looks triumphantly smug.

After a quick break, we continue the interview and eventually find a candidate. A few months later, another position opens up. Feeling sorry for that young man, I dig out the resumé and call him back up and ask him to come in for an interview.

Interviewee: “You… you remember me, right?”

Me: “Young man, I don’t think I could ever forget you.”

Interviewee: “You still want to consider me for a position after what happened?”

Me: “One of the requirements of the position is ‘can work under pressure’. Young man, if your mother is anything to go by, nothing in our office will compare to the pressure you must be under at home. Now, we can conduct a private interview, inside the building, away from the parking lot, at [date and time]. Would you be interested?”

Interviewee: “Oh, my goodness, yes! Thank you so much!”

He was early. He did not bring his mother. He got the job.


This story is part of our Even-More-Highest-Voted-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!

Read the next story!

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Kind Of Nice When They’re Up Front About How Much They Suck

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 27, 2023

Years ago, during a recession, I had a job interview with a computer parts company. It was one that hired at cheap wages and promised frequent promotions and raises. 

At the time, I had freshly graduated from university and was on contract for slightly over minimum wage. I was first interviewed by a Human Resources person. We exchanged niceties before diving in.

Me: “How do you enjoy working for this company?”

Her demeanor changed completely and she glared at me.

HR Employee: “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

I was shocked at the outburst, expecting her to highlight the positive aspects of the company. I don’t know why she thought I was asking something personal or offensive. It changed the tone of the interview. 

I continued to be polite, but then, she noted the salary of approximately $20,000 per year.

Me: “No one could afford to live on that salary. It’s barely above minimum wage, and it won’t cover rent or other expenses.”

When the hiring manager (who was pleasant) came in, I repeated this and walked out after twenty minutes. 

It’s the only time I’ve ever been bluntly honest in an interview. But the HR employee’s rudeness showed me that it was not a pleasant place to work and that she would have been miserable to work with. The company doesn’t exist anymore.

The Code To Getting The Job Is Honesty

, , , , , , | Working | February 20, 2023

I work for a huge entertainment company on a software development team. Recruiting is hard; even though we use agencies that take a hefty percentage, we get a lot of applicants who have clearly borrowed someone’s CV.

I can see the sense of this; if they can blag their way through the interview, then we will pay them literally hundreds of pounds a day. Even if you get sacked on the first day, you get paid for that day. £300 is not bad for a few hours of work when the minimum wage at the time is around £5 an hour. And I know my manager; he would give them more than a day because he wants his staff to be successful. Luckily, none of them make it through the interview. 

Because of the way we work, we can use anyone who has some basic programming skills if they are smart and willing to learn. Indeed, our best recruit had only done an introduction to programming course, and we were his first job. We only quiz people about skills they claim to have; if they demonstrate a good working knowledge of something they have used, we can feel confident they can learn the new skills they need. 

The most egregious liar I remember was [Candidate]. The young man’s CV ticked all the boxes, and I was excited to interview him. I did not notice my boss wildly (but covertly) signalling me not to bother when I went in to ask [Candidate] the technical questions at my allotted time, halfway through his interview.

Me: “So, your CV says you know Java.”

Candidate: “Yes, I know Java.”

Me: “How would you create a constant in Java?”

Candidate: “I don’t really know Java”

Me: “Ah, okay. Then I see you know SQL”

Candidate: “Yes, I know SQL.”

Me: “What command would you use to print all the entries in a table?”

Candidate: “I don’t really know SQL”

Me: “All righty, then. Do you MS-DOS?”

Candidate: “Yes, I know MS-DOS.”

And so on. He just kept on lying and didn’t seem to recognise the pattern. I am afraid I went through every skill he claimed to have while my boss was in agony; he had already discovered [Candidate]’s complete lack of knowledge in the first few minutes but had not been able to wrap it up before I came in.

Final hiring decisions are made in consultation with Human Resources, so we are not allowed to tell a candidate they have not been successful during the interview, even if it’s 100% obvious to us (and them). My boss couldn’t find a way to stop me that wouldn’t have told [Candidate].

After this interview, we came up with a test. Candidates who failed did not proceed to the interview portion. It saved us hours of time.

Should’ve Taken That Yes When She Had The Chance

, , , , , , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2023

I went for a job interview at a college for a position as a Lab Technician. The Ph.D. boss did mention that the lab techs all work eighty-hour weeks for a salary of $21,000, even though it was a big-name university. But the interview went well otherwise.

Me: “Yes, I’ll take the job.”

Boss: “I want you to wait a few days and think about it.”

A few days later, she called me and said the salary had dropped to $17,000 — actually standard for peon lab techs — but ever eager, I said:

Me: “Yes! I’ll take the job!”

Boss: “No, I want you to take a few more days and think about it, and I’ll call you back.”

The next day, I accepted a different $21,000 salary job, so when she called with a third offer of a $10,000 salary per year, saying that I could also work for another research lab to make enough money to pay rent, I politely declined. Cue the outrage.

Boss: “How dare you lead me on like that?!”

I ran into her and her terrified and stressed lab tech crew years later and confirmed that I had dodged a bullet when I walked away.

Luck Be A Lady (My Sister), Part 2

, , , , , , , , | Working | December 12, 2022

I submitted this story about my ridiculously lucky sister. Here’s another one.

My sister was going for an interview. It was for an internship in what’s essentially her dream company, so she was really really excited and determined to make the best impression she could. She was communicating with the boss via email and had arranged an interview slot on Friday afternoon.

As it was the summer holidays, [Sister] got up at noon with the idea that she’d do the interview at 1:00 pm.

At 12:45 pm, my sister got an email from the boss.

Boss: “Hey, sorry, I’m running late. Will be there at 1:15 pm. Feel free to help yourself to the snacks in the pantry while waiting.”

There was a long pause as my sister stared dumbstruck at the email.

Sister: “Wait, pantry? It was in person?”

Me: “Who even does that anymore? Everything’s on Zoom these days.”

Sister: “Um, okay. I know the office address. It’s [address]. Um…”

Me: “Get going, idiot!”

Sister: “Right! Right!”

She started running around, throwing on professional clothes, and packing her bag.

Me: “Our parents took both cars out.”

Sister: “I’m calling a [Rideshare]!”

Luckily for her, the [Rideshare] driver was right around the corner, so he arrived within a minute of being called. My sister then rushed off to the office. Luckily, it was only a fifteen-minute drive away, and luckily once more, traffic was nonexistent at the time.

At 1:10 pm, she sauntered in the front doors and pretended that she’d been there the whole time. The boss arrived barely five minutes later.

During the interview…

Boss: “What do you think is your most defining characteristic?”

Sister: “I’m lucky. Really lucky.”

Boss: “May I have a specific example?”

Sister: “I once bought four lottery tickets. Only four. And I won both the first and the third prizes in said lottery.”

Boss: “Seriously?”

Sister: “Yeah. My parents used the money to buy a new house.”

Boss: “Huh, that’s interesting.”

Sister: “And today, I was running late, so I was really happy when I got your email that you were also late.”

Boss: “Oh, wow. It really does look like the real deal.”

Sister: “Uh-huh. So, did I make the cut for an unpaid intern?”

Boss: “Unpaid? We don’t do that here. All of our interns receive a salary equivalent to the minimum wage. And yes, you’re hired.”

Sister: *Grins* “Lucky me.”

You see why I said she was a reality warper? I swear, the world seems to bend over backward for her. Like, my sister is so absurdly lucky that she literally uses it as a selling point for herself in job interviews. And it WORKS!

Related:
Luck Be A Lady (My Sister)