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An Eleventh-Hour Interview

, , , , , | Working | May 11, 2020

I apply for a job at a restaurant that is famous for having girls in skimpy outfits as waitresses, but is supposedly “family-friendly.” I don’t hear back for a week, so I figure I’ll just forget about it.

Late at night, I’m browsing the Internet and I get a message saying that I’ve got a new email.

“We would like to meet you in one hour to interview. Please reply if yes.”

It’s 1:00 am. Of course, I don’t reply! Luckily, they don’t email me again. Guess they aren’t so friendly!

All Aboard The Rocket Train

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2020

I’m interviewing for a shipping clerk job that says there’s no experience required.

Interviewer: “So, do you think that you can do this job?”

Me: “Yes.”

Interviewer: “Are you sure? Since you don’t have any experience.”

Me: “But you train, right?”

Interviewer: “Yes!”

Me: “So, yes, I can learn.”

Interviewer: “But do you really think so?”

Me: “I mean, it’s not rocket science!” 

Interviewer: *Nodding* “Right! It’s not.”

I never got a call back. You decide why.

Taking Some Tips From A Certain President

, , , , | Working | May 7, 2020

I’ve applied for and am waiting to interview for a receptionist job at an office. I have experience and the interview is supposed to be at three. I’m right on time and the receptionist asks me to take a seat.

Okay, maybe the interviewer is busy.

I wait and wait. Thirty minutes go by and I’m trying to figure out how to leave. Just then, the interviewer is finally ready and apologizes for the wait. He’s a middle-aged guy with a crazed look in his eyes. We go to his office and sit.

Interviewer: *Fast* “I’m the new manager here. I just got transferred from [Nearby City] and there was a whole bunch of staff here. I fired them all! So, now I’m looking for new staff.”

Me: *Blinks* “Okay.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, they were all horrible, dreadful people and needed to be fired instantly! But I do need new people. So, you’ve worked in an office before?”

The interview went normally after that, but all the while, I kept picturing him pointing at me and saying, “You’re FIRED!” I’m sure he had his reasons for firing them, but I definitely do not want to work for someone who is so keen on taking people’s livelihoods. I went home and told my friends and family and they agreed. What do you think?

Crippling Her Chances Of Getting The Job

, , , , , | Working | May 5, 2020

I work in the same office as my brother. He had an injury as a child and finds it difficult to move around without a wheelchair. We are doing interviews today.

Brother: “[My Name]! Can you help, please!” 

I turn and see him being wheeled away by someone I have never seen before. My brother is trying to keep the brakes on, but she is pushing so hard it is wearing them down. 

Brother: “She isn’t listening to me!”

Woman: “Now shush. You shouldn’t be talking!”

Me: “Excuse me! What on earth are you doing? 

Woman: “Oh, I’m just taking this differently-abled person for a walk. They need extra special attention!”

I’m speechless.

Woman: “Do you mind holding the door?” 

Me: “I do, actually.”

I move to grab the chair and she pushes me hard into the printer behind me. 

Woman: “Excuse me, misogynist! You do not have permission to touch me!” 

Brother: “And you don’t have permission to touch me!”

The woman actually pokes his cheek.

Woman: “SHUSH!”

Me: “All right. I’ve had enough. [Coworker], call security. This woman is to be removed.”

Woman: “Oh, how typical. The woman has to leave because the misogynist assaulted her.”

Me: “You are physically moving my brother against his will. You’re lucky I’m not getting the police involved.”

Woman: “Whatever. I’m actually here for an interview.”

Me: *Laughing* “Well, I doubt you’ll be getting that job. What is it for, anyway?”

Woman: “IT technician.”

My brother starts laughing hysterically.

Woman: “Poor boy. He’s obviously depraved.”

Me: “No, he’s laughing because he’s the IT manager. He would be your boss if you got through the interview.”

Brother: “Not a chance in Hell!”

She gawks at him and stutters a garbled excuse for her behaviour. As security arrives and escorts her out, she finally says something coherent. 

Woman: “WHO WOULD WANT TO WORK FOR A CRIPPLE, ANYWAY?!” 

Half The Office: “ME!”


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An Employer Who Pales In Comparison To Decent Ones

, , , , | Working | April 23, 2020

(I’m applying for a job at a tanning salon via an external agency, from which I have an assigned job coach. I have to say, I’m not exactly the beauty-guru type, and working at a salon was a questionable option for me from the start, but my job coach keeps telling me I’m perfect for the job.)

Job Coach: “It’s only a hostess type of function anyway. You know, welcome the customers, point them to their tanning booths, and make coffee.” 

(The job coach is there for the interview and we both arrive at the same time. The employer lets us in, but we are followed by a man who I think is another employee. Once the employer gets us set with coffee and tea and he strikes up a conversation with the man… which takes him about 20 minutes.)

Employer: *to the man* “Did you see the state of our windows? They really need some cleaning. I guess I’ll have those broads who work the desk here do that this week. All they do is sit on their a**es anyway.” 

(Finally, just when my job coach and I wonder if this is a job interview or a tea party, the employer says goodbye to the man he was talking to — a friend of his, as it turns out — and directs his attention to us. 

He describes a bit of the job and I’m mildly interested. It all sounds like something I could do. Then, my job coach asks him about the controversy surrounding tanning, and how you can get skin cancer from it. Cue a long tirade from the employer on how tanning is very healthy and it’s actually sunblock that causes cancer, followed by an equally long tirade on how big pharma is a conspiracy, global warming isn’t real, and vaccines cause autism, expecting us to agree with him at every point. 

The conversation finally ends and I’m expected to tag along for a day or two to see if this job is a match. I’m too baffled to counteract anything, and I let it happen, but once my job coach and I leave the shop, I express my concerns.)

Job Coach: “So, what do you think? Do you want to give it a shot? It could be a fun job!”

Me: “With all due respect… I don’t think I want to work for an employer who refers to his female employees as ‘those broads,’ displays a very unprofessional demeanor by yapping with his ‘friend’ for twenty minutes, and has so many wrong views on the world that I can only foresee a lot of arguing if I ever were to work for him. So… thanks but no thanks.”