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Job-Seek And Destroy

, , , , | Working | May 31, 2017

(I am the manager at a shoe store. We are hiring seasonal employees for the summertime. A teenage girl comes in to hand in her resume. I review it and a week later we set up an interview time via email.  However, when her interview time comes around a different girl comes in.)

Girl #2: “Hi, I’m here for my interview with [My Name].”

Me: “Uh, are you [Name On The Resume]?”

Girl #2: “Yes.”

Me: “Huh. I could’ve sworn it was a different girl who came here two weeks ago. She had bright red hair and cat eye-glasses. Did you change your look?”

Girl #2: “Oh, no, it was a different girl. I was studying for my finals so I had my best friend go around and hand out my resumes.”

Me: “You know that’s kind of misleading, right? A lot of employers place first impressions very high on their list. I agreed in an email to an interview with the girl who handed in the resume. You know she didn’t even tell me she wasn’t you?”

Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, I told her not to. I felt it would be too confusing.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(Her phone dings and she unlocks her phone right in front of me.)

Girl #2: “Oh, my mom just texted me that I should mention I’m going to be going away for most of July. We’re going to Cuba for my graduation gift. This won’t be a problem, right? You guys need employees and I can work for most of the summer. Well, until August… I think. Let me text my mom and—”

Me: “I think you should just go home.”

(Honest to God, this wasn’t even the worst possible employee that came in.)

Killed It At The Interview

| Working | October 27, 2014

(I am hiring new special needs assistants to work with autistic kids. We run a small, friendly, love-based program, and say so in the ad. I pick out a few with good resumes and meet at a cafe for an interview.)

Interviewee: “I can handle ANY kid. I used to be in the US Marines.” *whips out his VA card, even though we are in Canada* “Yeah, in 1982, I was in Libya and it was really life-changing watching my buddy’s head explode. I had trouble killing people before that, but not after seeing it just explode like a watermelon getting hit with a mallet.”

Me: “… I bet you can’t watch Gallagher shows.”

(I did not hire the guy who had no trouble killing people.)