After I was laid off, I was looking for a new job. I got an interview for a job that was above my experience level. I got a second, longer interview where I found out it was a bait and switch. I was an engineer (by degree as well as experience). Being laid off wasn’t a performance issue, and I had a letter of reference to back that up. They wanted me as a technician at just under half the salary they quoted for the original job. During the interview, it became clear that they had no ethics; they were asking technical questions about my former job, trying to get any information that they could use for their products. 

They gave me an offer and I turned it down. I explained that my fiancé had a job that paid much more than the technician position and it wouldn’t be cost-effective to take the job. I couldn’t believe they kept pushing. It was incomprehensible that they would expect me to take a job so much to my detriment.

Sounds like the end, right? Quite a bit later, I got a call from their Human Resources guy; they still wanted me. I told him I was making twice what they offered. He was cool. They made him call again and he made the offer but didn’t push. We got talking, and the company was on strike! He was having to work his job and in the factory!  

I told him about a good job at the company I was working for, and he said he was going to apply.

I’m interviewing for a vacancy. This candidate isn’t lighting the world on fire with his answers, but he does have some relevant experience. We finish up the interview and I ask if he has any questions.

Candidate: “Do you drug test?”

Me: “Yes.”

This was stated on the vacancy and job description we emailed out.

Candidate: “But it doesn’t matter if you fail, though? I mean, it’s like a formality?”

Me: “We don’t do drug tests for fun. If you are concerned about any prescriptions, that’s another matter.”

Candidate: “Oh, yeah, that’s what I meant. I have medicine.”

Me: “Okay, great. Well, just let the team know when they give you the form and I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

I hope he drops it. I don’t want or need to know what he’s taken or anything about his medical history — only if he gets hired, and then, only if it’s an impact on his job. He, however, wants to keep talking.

Candidate: “I mean, if it’s weed…”

Me: “Look, if you get an offer, it won’t be for another week, and the test won’t be until you start. We do random tests after that, especially if have any concerns. If you fail the first test after all that notice, chances are you won’t last here.”

Candidate: “Hmm… Okay.”

We wrapped things up, and he seemed to have a lot to think about.

I didn’t offer him a job, but another department did. A month later, he came in for his first day, did a test, failed it with a massive reading, and was fired that same week. He didn’t opt for a retest.

I get an email setting up a phone interview for a practical dream job.

The big day comes, and I’m hanging around my phone. It’s incredibly hot, and out of nervousness, I quickly open my refrigerator and gulp down some soda. My phone rings, I rush over and answer it…

…and this colossal, earth-shattering burp escapes from my mouth.

No, I didn’t get the job.

A friend of mine told me this story. It’s about half an hour before a hiring interview, and he’s talking with a coworker about the applicant’s resume. His second most recent listed job is as “Home Guard” for a company they don’t recognize, with a very vague description of what his duties entailed.

Coworker: “Did you say ‘Home Guard’?”

Friend: “What about it?”

Coworker: “I think he might have been unemployed for that period. You’d better question him about it.”

During the interview, my friend does indeed probe about that particular job. His coworker was right on the money; the applicant was, in fact, unemployed. His wife is an independent masseuse, and the “Company” that the candidate has on his resume is just the name she uses for her business. After the interview, my friend talks to his coworker again.

Friend: “You were right; he was unemployed. How did you know?”

Coworker: “‘Guarding my own home’ is a Japanese euphemism for unemployment. It came up in a manga I was reading.”

Who knew being an avid otaku would pay off in business?

I was made redundant from my previous job as a design engineer. As such, I look for any work just to keep the lights on. I get approached by an employer who offers competitive rates of pay and other perks. It’s a small company but I go for the interview.

When I get there it’s the grounds of a huge mansion. The interview is completed in the drawing-room and they offer to show me around. I assume we would be in an office or factory or working from home… I am wrong.

I’m taken out of the house to a small shack with no heating; inside are stacks and stacks of paper. When asked about this I am told the employer doesn’t trust computers… for a computer-aided-design based business…

Instead of running, I ask one final question regarding the perks: “Oh you get a Christmas dinner with us too and it’s compulsory and unpaid.”

I left so fast!

I got something far better three weeks later!