Customer: “How much is that bracelet in the display case?”

Me: “It’s $50.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s expensive, but it’s nice. I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, so your total is $50. We’re out of the store’s jewelry boxes, but I’d be happy to give you a gift bag for the bracelet.”

Customer: “But you have some nice boxes here on the counter, and the bracelets in them are cheaper than the one I’m buying. Why don’t the more expensive bracelets come in a box?”

Customer’s Son: *looking embarrassed* “Mom, she doesn’t decide the prices.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe there’s a wristwatch box that I can put this in.”

(I get a box from the watch department and show it to the customer.)

Me: “Is this box ok?”

Customer: “This box…” *points to the jewelry boxes on the counter* “…is so much nicer. Can’t you take the bracelet out of the box and switch it with this one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, those bracelets are attached to the boxes.”

Customer’s Son: “Mom, just take the watch box.”

Customer: “Can you at least switch the price tags?”

Customer’s Son: *looks at her mom incredulously*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it anyway, but I’ll have you know that I’m crying inside!”

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Earrings?”

(I show her some and she picks out a pair, then tries to put them on.)

Me: “Sorry, but you can’t actually try them on. You can hold them up to your ear, though.”

(She still tries to put them in and I move forward to stop her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot try those on due to health regulations. You’re only allowed to hold them up to your ears.”

(The customer looks at me, smiles sympathetically, and pats my hand.)

Customer: “But I’m German!”

(I’m filling out a return slip for a customer.)

Customer: “Oh! You’re a lefty!”

Me: “Err, no, this is my right hand.”

Customer: “But it’s on my left!”

Me: “It’s still my right hand.”

(A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)

Me: “It needs to be charged with eight hours of direct sunlight or lamplight before it will keep time.”

Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Don’t-Understand-Science-themed roundup!

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Customer: “I’m hoping you have a particular red stone that I’m looking for…”

Me: “Oh, garnet?”

Customer: “No..”

Me: “Ruby?”

Customer: “NO! I want red! Those aren’t red!”

Me: “Um… yes, they are.” *shows garnet ring*

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s a stone that sounds like it should be red.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I think it’s actually blue…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What blue stones do you have that sound red?”

Me: “Um… topaz?”

Customer: “No, it’s not that one.”

Me: “Lapis?”

Customer: “No. Oh! Sapphire! It sounds like it should be red, you know?”

Me: “No… I’ve never thought that.”

Customer: “Well, it should be!”

Me: “…you know, there is a pink sapphire.”

Customer: “Oh. Who would want that?”

Me: “Not to worry, we don’t have any.”

Customer: “Any sapphires?”

Me: “No, any pink sapphires.”

Customer: “Well, that name should belong to a red stone anyway. They should think about these things when they name them. Who would I talk to about that?”

Me: “Adam?”