Hulk Smash Weasel Customer

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. My name is Ken. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys make custom deep dish pizzas?”

Me: “If by ‘custom’ you mean like a chef’s choice, then yes, we do.”

Customer: “And how much is that?”

Me: “Well, a regular sized deep dish, with tax included, will come to $18.01. With that, you get a choice of three toppings.”

Customer: “Great, then gimme a pizza with half pepperoni, sausage, and mushrooms. On the other half I want roasted veggies, bacon, and spinach.

Me: “Okay sir, now I must warn you that your new total comes to $24.37 because you have six items total.”

Customer: “What? No, I have three items on each side. Therefore, I should be fine.”

Me: “Sir, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. While it is true that you have three items on each side, the items are on ONE whole pizza. So, we have to charge you for the three extra toppings.”

Customer: “Now listen here! One regular deep dish is equal to two individuals, correct?”

Me: “Yes, but–”

Customer: “HEY, shut up for a second! Now, two individuals are equal to one regular. CORRECT?”

Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

Customer: “Now using this logic, I should get my pizza for the price of two individuals.”

Me: “Sir, as much as I would like to agree with you, I simply can’t–”

Customer: “Let me see your manager. It’s obvious I can’t reason with you.”

(My manager comes up to deal with the situation. I walk away from the scene to seat some guests, when I hear…)

Manager: “HEY, THREE PLUS THREE EQUALS SIX! YOU HAVE SIX TOPPINGS, SO YOU OWE $24.37! HAVE A NICE DAY!”

(The guy quietly paid for his food and walked out like someone just threatened his life!)

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Fun With Idle Threats

, , | Right | May 1, 2008

Me: “Good afternoon. Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s the tenth time I’m calling in! Please just transfer me already.”

Me: “Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. Now transfer me to the right section.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Jesus, are you dumb? I just want you to transfer my call to someone who can actually help me.”

Me: “I’m not transferring your call until you tell me what’s going on, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s my statement. It’s wrong and I want a refund. Now transfer this call.”

Me: “What’s your cellphone number with the area code?”

Customer: “Just transfer this already. I’m responsible for your paycheck!”

(OH, SNAP!)

Me: “All right. Do you have your statement in your hands?”

Customer: “Yeah. Transfer the call!”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Does it?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “So you have nothing to do with my paycheck, I guess. Plus, you haven’t paid your last one and I still got my paycheck. Now, can I please check some information before transferring the call?”

Customer: *sighs* “Yeah, okay…”

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Thomas Jefferson, Colonial Hippie

, , , , , | Right | April 28, 2008

(A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:)

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.”

Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?”

Manager: “Uh… yes.”

Customer: “Well, if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”

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Not So Sweet Toothed

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2008

(The bakery has just closed. I just clocked out, and am on my way out of the store.)

Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

Lady: “I’m a dentist.”

Me: “Would you like to look at my teeth after your shift ends, for free?”

Lady: “That’s different. My job is hard. Anyone could do your job.”

Me: “Then you won’t mind taking that cake home and decorating it yourself.”

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The Straw Man

, , | Right | February 26, 2008

(Holding a large box of straws, I walk out towards the customers side of the registers during lunch time at a busy shopping center fast food restaurant, to refill all the straw holders.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir…”

(I walk up beside the customer, but still giving him some space despite the fact it was busy and crowded.)

Angry Customer: “To hell with that c**p. Why do you get to go first? I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m just…”

Angry Customer: “You’re just impatient; that’s your problem. Wait in line like the rest of us.”

(A lot of other customers are staring at him. He has clearly not even realized I am in uniform.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. I work here and I need to refill these straws. A lady complained before because all the straw holders had run out.”

Angry Customer: “Well why are you doing that NOW? Couldn’t you have picked a better time to do it?! I lined up here and all I want is a lousy meal and you’re in my way…” *continues on and on*

Me: “Look, it’s our policy to not hand out straws because of hygiene reasons, so I must refill the straws so the customers can take them themselves so they can, you know, drink?”

Angry Customer: *loudly* “You’re very rude. I want to talk to your manager immediately!”

Me: *sarcastically, as he has not noticed “MANAGER” on my name badge* “Hi, I am the manager on duty. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

(Other customers nearby giggle/laugh.)

Angry Customer: “Well, that’s just f***ing great. What a piece of s*** place anyway. F***!”

(He stormed off after wasting about 15 minutes of his life over some straws.)

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