Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”

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Haphazardly Placed Vowels Does Not A Language Make

, , | Right | August 12, 2008

(I’m a customer and see an employee is waiting on another customer. The employee speaks perfect English and actually looks Hawaiian.)

Customer: “EL POLO ICE-CREAMO!”

Employee: Umm… yeah?”

Customer: “I want some choco-lato ice-creamo. GRASSIOS!”

Employee: “I speak English fine. What size do you want?”

Customer: “Oh, you are doing so good. Good job, boy. Umm… I want a GRAND-AY!”

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Smoked

, , , | Right | August 9, 2008

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I want one single cigarette.”

Me: “No problem. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “What? Do I look 14 to you?”

Me: “No, you look 18, but unless I get ID I can’t sell them to you.”

Customer: “Why can’t you sell me the beer and a cigarette?”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I could lose my job if I sold it to you without ID.”

Customer: “Oh, I am sure your job is sooo great and pays you a lot?!”

Me: “I’m not the one who can’t afford more than one cigarette.”

 

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I Know You Are But What Am I

, , , , | Right | August 1, 2008

Debtor: “It’s not my fault the payment didn’t go through; your system stuffed up.”

Me: “No, it didn’t; the message from the bank we have here clearly states ‘Invalid Transaction.'”

Debtor: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: ” Actually, it does. I see here your credit card has expired.”

Debtor: “No, it hasn’t.”

Me: “I mean, the one we have on file. I can update this right now.”

Debtor: “It’s not my fault. You refused the payment.”

Me: “The bank, your financial institution, reversed the payment.”

Debtor: “No, they didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, they did. Why would we refuse a payment? Your bank reversed it. We need to update those details.”

Debtor: “No, you don’t.”

Me: “Please stop simply contradicting me.”

Debtor: “I’m not contradicting you.”

Me: “Yes, you are.”

Debtor: “No, I’m not!”

Me: *eye-twitch*

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If It’s So Easy, Do It Yourself

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2008

(We get a phone call on a Thursday night in December, the busiest season in catering.)

Customer: “May I speak to the owner?”

Me: “This is the owner. How may I help you?”

Customer: “NO, I mean the guy who is the owner.”

Me: “That’s my husband. I’m sorry, he is busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I need a catering menu emailed.”

Me: “I can certainly do that for you. When is your event?”

Customer: “Saturday.”

Me: “This Saturday? Like two days from now?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I apologize but we are completely booked for this Saturday.”

Customer: “That’s why I wanted to talk to the other owner. I spoke to him two weeks ago and he said you were not booked.”

Me: “We weren’t booked two weeks ago, but we are now.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve already sent out the invitations, and I need food for my party.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are completely booked. We already have three large parties, and we just couldn’t possibly take on a fourth.”

Customer: “Can you recommend another caterer?”

Me: “Not really. I’ve never used another caterer, so I can’t recommend one.”

Customer: “Haven’t you ever been to a party catered by another caterer?”

Me: “We’re caterers. We don’t go to parties. We work at other people’s parties.”

Customer: “IT’S ONLY TWENTY-FIVE PEOPLE!”

Me: “Um… okay.”

Customer: “You said you have three parties. Couldn’t you just make enough extra food for 25 people and come over and serve it?”

Me: “You mean cater the party?”

Customer: “No, just make some food and bring it over and serve it, and clean up afterward. It’s fairly easy, isn’t it?”

(I adore it when people tell me my sixteen-hour-a-day job is easy.)

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