Backordered Compliments

, , | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’ve gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first one?”

Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

Customer: “I know that! I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

Me: “Er… thanks, I guess?”

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Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

, , | Right | May 20, 2009

(A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

Customer: “My usual, please.”

(I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

Me: “Oh, that’s [Name], our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

(I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

Me: “Actually, [Name] made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

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The World: America’s Theme Park

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2009

(Note: this takes place at our cafe in Kuranda, Australia.)

Tourist: “Lady, how about we make a deal? I wanna buy this bottle from you.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. We only have four of the blue ones and they’re not for sale.”

Tourist: “So you’re telling me I can’t buy this?”

Me: “Yes… I know it’s a nice bottle, but we do need it for the water.”

Tourist: “Lady, I don’t think you understand what I’m getting at.”

(The tourist pulls a wad of US money from his wallet.)

Tourist: “I got REAL money here!”

 

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America’s Next Top Model Customer

, , | Right | May 13, 2009

(The cashier I was bagging for is a very pretty blonde girl who likes to make herself up, while I’m a fairly plain and simple girl.)

Customer: *to cashier* “Oh, my, you’re beautiful! You’ll have it made; you’ll have everything you’ll ever wanted! You’ll do well in life.”

(The customer then looks at me and pauses.)

Customer: “…you? You’ll do all right…”

Me: “…”

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This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

, , , | Right | May 1, 2009

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want no god-d*** Chinese serving me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Get me an American.”

Me: “Sir, I am American.”

Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f****** blind? Go back to China!”

Me: “Right, one second…”

(My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)

Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”

Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*

Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*

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