Sadly, He’s A Part Of Your Future

, , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(One of our regulars is an old man notorious for talking to anybody and everybody in the shop about his opinions on politics and religion. For fun, I have put up a little sign that says, “Happy ‘Back to the Future’ Day! OCT 21 2015 07 28,” because it is now the date that Marty, Doc, and Jennifer traveled to in the movie.)

Regular: “So, what’s going on with ‘Back to the Future’?”

Me: “Well, have you seen Back to the Future?”

Regular: “What?”

Me:Back to the Future.”

Regular: *nonplussed*

Me: “Have you seen that movie?”

Regular: “Nah, I don’t go to movies.”

(He then puts his head down and proceeds to act as though he does not care to hear or understand me while I briefly explain why I put the sign up.)

Regular: “They haven’t made a good movie since [Movie Title I have never heard of]. They don’t make ’em that way anymore.”

(I proceed to ring him up.)

Regular: “Hate to tell you that, but…”

Me: “Well…”

Regular: “Don’t buy into their garbage.”

(He looked at me as though he was really pleased to have “burst my bubble,” and walked away.)

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This Should Be Parenting Bread And Butter

, , , , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(I work at the bakery in a somewhat upscale grocery store. We, annoyingly, allow customers to try a “sample” of nearly anything if they ask. When we get new product, we always cut up samples and put them out. We’ve recently started making four new breads, so we put out four paper bags with the cut-up bread and a sign stating what each bread is, its ingredients, and its allergy information. Two young boys walk up with their father.)

Father: “I’m looking for the best bread to make garlic bread with.”

(His kids start eating samples, and I help the father pick out bread. They leave, and a few minutes later the father returns, looking angry.)

Father: “Which one was it?”

(The younger of the two kids points to a bag.)

Father: “[Bread]? Which one is the [Bread]?”

Me: “This one.” *I hold up the bread*

Father: “Are those sesame seeds?!”

Me: “Yes. But it is the same bread as this one.” *picks up different bread* “It just has sesame seeds on top.”

Father: “My son is allergic to sesame seeds!”

Me: “Oh. So, do you—”

Father: *interrupts* “How could you let him eat this?! You should warn people with allergies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The allergy information is posted right here—” *gestures to the sign* “—on top of the bag.

Father: “My son can’t read!”

Me: “Well, then, as the father of a son with allergies who is too young to be able to read, shouldn’t you be paying more attention to what he is putting into his mouth?”

Father: *glares and storms off*

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Your Argument Doesn’t Have A Bare Foot To Stand On

, , , , , | Working | April 4, 2018

(I’m walking by a small corner store not far from where I live. I see someone get kicked out for not wearing shoes or socks, as it “breaks the health code.” This upsets me, as there is no health code violation for being barefoot absolutely anywhere. I talk to the person and bring them back in, as there is no sign forbidding it, and there is no health code entry for it. I take my shoes off, as well, to help defend the argument.)

Employee: “Didn’t I just tell you to leave?! And now you brought another one?! Get out of this store!”

Me: “Actually, I came to inform you that you are discriminating. There is no health code violation anywhere in all 50 states saying you can’t be barefoot in a store, and there is no sign stating that there is a dress code violation. I’d like to see your manager on behalf of [Person].”

(The manager comes out and we explain what happened.)

Manager: “I’m having trouble seeing the big deal here.”

Employee: “It’s simple! You can’t just walk around outside without shoes! Your feet get all dirty, and its bad!”

Manager: “That’s not true at all. I barely ever wear shoes outside of work, and the only reason I wear them here is that there could be sharp things on the floor, since you don’t do your job at keeping the floors clean!”

(The employee gets flustered, and started looking embarrassed.)

Manager: “As long as you guys promise not to hold us accountable for any foot-related injuries you may obtain, I’m fine with it.”

Employee: “God, you people are a sin!” *runs out of store*

Manager: “God, I hope he quits. I do not want to send him a severance check.”

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No Ice Cream Gets Repeat Business

, , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(At the fast food restaurant where I work, our smoothie and frappe machine and ice cream machine both have to go down about once a week for cleaning. It never fails that as soon the machines go down, all people want is ice cream and drinks we can’t make. Most people are okay ordering something else, but some people get nasty about it, like this lady does.)

Me: *taking the order through my headset* “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: *in a fairly rude tone* “I want three ice cream sundaes with nuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we actually can’t do sundaes because our machine is down for cleaning. Can I get anything else for you?”

Customer: “Wow, really? All I wanted was ice cream. No, thanks.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. Have a nice day!”

(I expect this to be the end of it, but at the window where I’m handing out food, a car pulls up with their window open. Expecting this to be my next order, I smile and go to hand them their order.)

Customer: “No, not mine. I wanted ice cream.” *drives off*

(She stopped at the window JUST to tell me that. Really, lady?)

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Your Own Personnel Hell

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(I work as an apprentice for my father’s electrical contracting business in a small town in the rural South while in high school. It doesn’t take long to realize that the general contractors who subcontract with us often demand things of the electricians with attitudes they never would DREAM of using with my father. In one particular case we are experiencing a construction boom in the area and Dad doesn’t have enough electricians to fully man all of our worksites.)

General Contractor: “We had to make a change to the work order, and we need the electrical roughed in to the out-building by Monday when the drywallers come in.”

Electrician: “Can’t. We’re already scheduled on another project this weekend.”

General Contractor: “No, you will. The drywallers come first thing Monday morning, and that electrical will be roughed in.”

Electrician: “No, we won’t. We’re already working seven 12-hour days a week. We can’t drop everything because you made a work order change. We just don’t have the manpower for it.”

(He is absolutely right. I helped make the schedules myself. We’ve hired everyone in a 50-mile radius with any electrical experience at all and we are still barely making our obligations.)

General Contractor: *sneering* “That sounds like a personal problem.”

Me: “Actually, it’s a personnel problem.”

General Contractor: “…”

Me: “Two Ns and an E. Personnel. Easy words to confuse.”

General Contractor: “…”

Electrician: *tries not to laugh*

Me: “It means manpower. We don’t have the personnel. Personnel Problem.”

(Everyone on the job site tries not to laugh.)

General Contractor: *quietly turns around and walks away*

(To this day, I’m not sure if I got away with that because I was the boss’s son or because he couldn’t think of a reply.)

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