Good Thing You Didn’t Tell Them It Had A Virus

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I am working a slow shift at a tech repair shop in my hometown, when an angry woman marches in with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. How can I h—”

Customer: “Listen to me, kid!” *she opens the laptop to reveal a blackened screen with a good portion of it burned completely* “I’ve had this computer for a year, and nothing’s gone wrong. Today, the screen went blue and it wouldn’t let me keep shopping! My son said it was frozen, so I tried to thaw it out, but it just got f***** up! Fix it, d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am… Did… Did you put an open flame on the screen?”

Customer: “Well, duh! I put it on the stove to thaw it out faster. What do you think, I’m stupid or something?”

1 Thumbs
959

Return The Stuff, Remove The Staff

, , , , , , | Working | January 13, 2018

Me: “Could I return this, please?”

Cashier: “Oh, my God. That is hideous. Why on earth would you buy that?!”

Me: *not appreciating her attitude* “None of your business. Could I return it, please?”

Cashier: “No. This is punishment for buying something so awful.” *runs away laughing*

(I stare at her in shock while a manager comes from the other end of the checkout.)

Manager: *grinning* “Caught her, finally! Let’s get this refunded.”

(While doing the refund, the manager told me all about how the cashier and her two friends had been misbehaving, and that her spectacle with me was all she needed to finally fire them all. I’ve honestly never seen someone so happy.)

1 Thumbs
1,308

Have You (Bapho)Met?

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I wear a pentacle necklace with Baphomet, the “Satan” goat, every day. Today I’m in a craft store looking at nursery fabrics. I visit this store a lot and I know the basic layout. Two middle-aged women wearing crosses approach me.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, where are your Velcro strips?”

(I don’t work there. I’m wearing jeans, a Slipknot t-shirt, and arm warmers with belts on them. It couldn’t be farther from the store’s uniform.)

Me: “Oh, do you see the big racks with the big rolls of foam on them? The Velcro should be on a shelf right across from them.”

Customer #1: “Oh, thank you, sweethea—” *notices my necklace, crosses herself and the forehead of her companion, and shuffles away*

(I ignore them and continue looking at the fabric. The manager is manning the cutting counter a few feet away and I overhear them talking to him.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I want to file a formal complaint about your employee over there.” *points to me*

Manager: “Uh… Which one, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “That one, right there! The fat one!”

Customer #1: “She’s wearing the ugliest, most sinful necklace. She’s obviously a heathen that’s going to burn in the deepest depths of Hell, and I refuse to shop here while a servant of the Devil is here.”

(The manager stands there, confused and disturbed.)

Customer #2: “Are you just going to stand there staring at her or are you going to tell her to leave?”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, she… Uh…” *pause* “Well, if you continue with your shopping, we’ll handle the situation.”

Customer #1: “Good! I would expect that from a God-fearing Christian.”

(The women moved on happily and I never heard a word from the manager, even after having him cut some fabric for me. The cashier even complimented my necklace!)

1 Thumbs
698

My Bark Is Worse Than My Gigabyte

, , , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I work in cell phone sales at a major department store. Although I work for a different company than the department store, we don’t have our own section; we’re stuck back in electronics. We are expected to help with electronics sales, despite not having keys for any of the locked cases. By the time this customer rolls around, my coworker is on hour two of his “fifteen minute break,” I’ve had two elderly ladies who believed in the “if I scream, I get discounts” policy, another guy who took it personally when he forgot his receipt, and almost no questions for cell phones. Finally, this customer comes up with a question I can answer.)

Customer: “Hi. I have 32 GB of space on my phone and it’s getting full. Do you know if my phone can take a memory card?”

Me: *genuinely upbeat at the polite tone he puts on* “Well, let’s take a look. May I see your phone?”

(He hands me his phone. I take off the case and start looking it over to see if the memory slot would be behind the back case or the slot where the SIM card goes, and he suddenly gets angry.)

Customer: “The slot is right here.” *points at the SIM card holder, almost knocking the phone out of my hand*

Me: “All right, one moment.”

(I go to pop out the little drawer and slide it out, seeing that there is indeed a space for a memory card. As I’m doing this, he tries to yank the phone out of my hands, screaming:)

Customer: “NO, IT’S HERE!” *he causes the tiny SIM card to go flying to the floor*

Me: “I’m so sorry! Let me get that…”

(As I’m rooting around for the card, I check a paper folder near where it fell and see it’s not there. The entire time I’m looking on the carpet he keeps screaming:)

Customer: “IT’S IN HERE! IT’S IN HERE!”

(He picks up the folder and tries to shove it in my face. I try explaining I looked there, then look again to appease him, but he is still screaming. Finally, I find it across the floor from where the folder was, nowhere near it.)

Me: “There we are. So, it does look like you have a slot for additional memory. Now, your phone only allows an extra [GB amount] of space, so—”

Customer: “I already knew there was a slot for it! I asked you how much space I could add!”

Me: “Well, you can go up to [GB amount] on this phone—”

Customer: “I knew that! I’m asking if I can transfer photos on there!”

Me: *at this point, I am no longer smiling, but my voice is still in customer service mode* “Why, yes, you can, and in fact, we can set it up so music and other media can be backed up on there as well—”

Customer: *now talking down to me like I’m the biggest idiot on the planet* “Just. Answer. My. Question. How much will this cost?”

Me: “Well, we can walk over to the storage devices and I can show you our selection—”

Customer: “That would be great. Where are they?”

Me: “Right this way.”

(I turn to walk two aisles down to the storage devices, make it all the way there, and realize he isn’t behind me. I wait a moment in case he went around the other way, then step back out of the aisle in case he didn’t see which one I went into, then I finally wander back in case he just left. Instead, he’s standing by the TVs, watching a kid’s toy promo. At this point, I’ve had it. I march right back up to him, and he turns to see me.)

Me: “You know, if you want to look at the storage devices, you have to actually walk the f*** over there yourself, right? This is a TV, not a memory card. So, are you going to f****** follow me, or can I get back to my job?”

(As soon as I said it, all my anger washed away and I was left in horror, but apparently it worked. He stood staring at me, completely silent, and then followed me over to the memory section. I showed him which ones he could use for his phone, he asked me about the prices, then declined getting one that day and left peacefully. He didn’t report me, I never got in trouble, and I felt much better after that.)

1 Thumbs
914

One Pig Died In The Forming Of This Friendship

, , , , , , , , | Learning | January 13, 2018

(At the time of this story, I’m in ninth grade. I’m a girl. Due to my introverted personality, two girls in my biology class have decided it would be fun to pick on me. We are doing pig dissections in class today.)

Teacher: “…and [My Name], you’ll be partnered with [Mean Girl #1].”

([Mean Girl #1] smirks at me as our teacher brings out the fetal pigs.)

Teacher: “All right, kids, pair off and I’ll give you your specimens.”

Mean Girl #1: “Ew! Like, that is so gross!”

Mean Girl #2: “I didn’t know we’d be dissecting, like, actual animals!”

Teacher: “LADIES! Yes, they are fetal pigs, and they were frozen. We went over this yesterday.”

Mean Girl #2: “That’s, like, totally gross and animal cruelty! I’m not doing it!”

Teacher: *heavy sigh* “Fine. Go to the library and tell [Other Biology Teacher] that you’re going to do the computer dissection.”

(They exit, making gagging noises.)

Teacher: “[My Name], your partner is [Popular Girl].”

(She comes over to my lab station.)

Popular Girl: “Do you mind if I do the actual dissection? I love this kind of stuff!”

Me: “Seriously? Uh… sure. I’ll take notes!”

Popular Girl: “SWEET!”

(She successfully dissects the pig, while I take notes and diagram the different parts. The group from the library comes back in as we’re finishing up.)

Me: “Hey [Mean Girl #1 & #2]! Look at this!”

(I pull some gloves on and point out the pig’s heart.)

Mean Girl #1: “OH, MY GOD! Why would you show me that?!”

Mean Girl #2: “You’re a freak!”

Popular Girl: *puts her gloves back on, picks up the heart, and waves it in their direction* “Look! It’s so squishy! Come touch it!”

(She advances toward them. They scream and run into the hallway.)

Teacher: *holding back laughter* “Okay, okay, no taunting your classmates with pig parts.”

(They never made fun of me again, and [Popular Girl] and I became friends!)

1 Thumbs
909