What Is This Culturally Monolithic Country Coming To

, , , , , | | Right | August 20, 2008

Me: “Good evening, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a good movie.”

Me: “Of course. I recommend Pan’s Labyrinth; it was excellent.”

Coworker: “You are aware that this movie has subtitles.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that?”

Coworker: “The words at the bottom you have to read. It’s in Spanish.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that? We’re in America; we don’t speak Spanish! I want it in American!”

(He storms off and promptly returns with ‘Apocalypto.’)

Me: “Sir, you do know this movie has subtitles, too?”

Customer: “What the f***? What is this country coming to? When did we become another country?! I want a god-d*** American movie! Where are the American movies?”

Me: “The store is full of movies made in America.”

(He walks back up about ten minutes later with ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ in his hand.)

Customer: “This is the movie by Clint Eastwood, right?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “And it’s really good, too.”

Customer: “Clint Eastwood is a real American. He knows what I like!”

(I gave a look to my coworker who didn’t say anything that time, and we rented him the movie. Too bad ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ is all in Japanese with English subtitles.)

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Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”

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Haphazardly Placed Vowels Does Not A Language Make

, , | | Right | August 12, 2008

(I’m a customer and see an employee is waiting on another customer. The employee speaks perfect English and actually looks Hawaiian.)

Customer: “EL POLO ICE-CREAMO!”

Employee: Umm… yeah?”

Customer: “I want some choco-lato ice-creamo. GRASSIOS!”

Employee: “I speak English fine. What size do you want?”

Customer: “Oh, you are doing so good. Good job, boy. Umm… I want a GRAND-AY!”

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Smoked

, , , | | Right | August 9, 2008

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I want one single cigarette.”

Me: “No problem. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “What? Do I look 14 to you?”

Me: “No, you look 18, but unless I get ID I can’t sell them to you.”

Customer: “Why can’t you sell me the beer and a cigarette?”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but I could lose my job if I sold it to you without ID.”

Customer: “Oh, I am sure your job is sooo great and pays you a lot?!”

Me: “I’m not the one who can’t afford more than one cigarette.”

 

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I Know You Are But What Am I

, , , , | | Right | August 1, 2008

Debtor: “It’s not my fault the payment didn’t go through; your system stuffed up.”

Me: “No, it didn’t; the message from the bank we have here clearly states ‘Invalid Transaction.'”

Debtor: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: ” Actually, it does. I see here your credit card has expired.”

Debtor: “No, it hasn’t.”

Me: “I mean, the one we have on file. I can update this right now.”

Debtor: “It’s not my fault. You refused the payment.”

Me: “The bank, your financial institution, reversed the payment.”

Debtor: “No, they didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, they did. Why would we refuse a payment? Your bank reversed it. We need to update those details.”

Debtor: “No, you don’t.”

Me: “Please stop simply contradicting me.”

Debtor: “I’m not contradicting you.”

Me: “Yes, you are.”

Debtor: “No, I’m not!”

Me: *eye-twitch*

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