A Cold Attitude To Your Order

, , , | Working | August 6, 2018

(During a heavy snowfall, I go with a Tinder date to the epitome of first date destinations: a coffee shop. This is during the mid-winter months, and the shop is having a special deal on a Holiday-themed milkshake. The barista asks everyone ordering if they are interested in trying this.)

Me: *as it’s finally my turn to order* “Hi! I’d like a chicken sandwich and a large iced coffee with hazelnut, please.”

(The barista looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Barista: *snorts* “Really? Iced coffee?” *pause* “Have you noticed the weather outside?”

(Apparently it’s weird to order a cold drink other than milkshakes.)

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Her Eyes Are Going To Fall Out At This Rate

, , | Right | August 6, 2018

(Our rooms sell for about $60 on average. We are an extremely basic, no-frills motel. You get a bed, and a bathroom, and that’s it. A lady that is more well-dressed than the average customer walks to the desk. Her eyes are bulging out as she takes in our tiny lobby.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “I heard that there is free breakfast included?”

Me: “Right behind you.”

(She turns, and her eyes bulge out even more at our breakfast, which I admit, is pretty small; it’s just coffee and bagels. She takes tongs and pokes at a bagel, sniffs, and sets it down. Then she walks up to the desk again.)

Customer: “Do you have a comment card?”

(Comment cards are for the managers. I took one out and gave it to her, and she filled it out. I didn’t read it, but I told her that I’d give it to the manager, and she looked offended that I didn’t bother to read it. She left. In retrospect, I can see her point of view, but what did she expect from a MOTEL at less than $60 a night?)

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They Spit On Your Service

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2018

(I work in an ice cream shop.)

Customer: “Can I try this flavor?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I hand her a sample stick with the flavor. After she tastes it, she tries to hand back the sample stick with her saliva all over it.)

Me: “Oh… There’s a trash bin right next to your hand.”

(It’s labeled, “TRASH.” The customer just looked at me and rolled her eyes. I’m sorry I didn’t want to touch your saliva-covered sample stick when we have cups clearly labelled, “TRASH,” on the counter.)

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How To Get Daddy Issues

, , , , | Romantic | August 4, 2018

(I have been trying my luck on a dating site, with not much to show for it so far. I am near the end of date number two with this gentleman and the conversation has turned to our families. I mention my father has cancer and that we’re planning a large family vacation soon.)

Date: “Oh, man, I’m so sorry to hear that… Well, hey, at least I can be your new daddy, right? *winks at me*

(I went home and decided to give up on dating for a while.)

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Tasers And Batons And Sprays, Oh My

, , , | Right | August 4, 2018

(I work in a head shop, where we sell various knick-knacks, as well as adult novelties and smoking accessories. We have a beautiful sugar skull bust that sits on top of our humidor, which is not for sale. He is our unofficial store mascot, and we’ve named him Poe. Unfortunately for us, people have a hard time accepting that he is not for sale. We have a couple who comes in once a month and always makes a fuss about it.)

Woman: *gesturing to Poe* “I love this guy.”

Me: “As we’ve told you, ma’am, Poe is not for sale. We do have some sugar skulls over on the black shelving.”

Woman: “I remember. We were here about a month ago and I bought that sugar skull painting. I collect skulls.”

(I know all of this, as I’m the one who sold her the painting, and refused to sell her Poe then.)

Me: “We did get a new one in, down the bottom. It’s a bank.”

(The couple continues to shop while I watch them from behind the counter.)

Man: *trying to be funny and speaking loud enough for me to hear* “I could distract her, and you could grab him and make a run for it.”

Me: *getting really fed up because I don’t find jokes about stealing funny* “Go right ahead. But I will warn you: I have multiple tasers, pepper spray, and batons right next to me. I’ve been dying to try them out.”

(I flashed them my sweetest smile and pointed to the shelf. They both looked at me for a beat, then at the shelf full of weaponry right next to me, then continued to browse for another minute, before leaving empty-handed. I am happy to say, I haven’t seen either of them since!)

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