Cancers On Society

, , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I work doing door-to-door fundraising. At this moment we’re representing a cancer charity. I knock on the door of a house, but it appears that it’s going to be a “No Answer.” I start to head off, but I spot a man in his dressing gown coming out of the side door.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing? My name is [My Name]. I’m from [Charity]! We’re just doing a local campaign in your area.”

Man: “Oh. I thought it was something important.”

Me: “Well, cancer is important.”

(He headed back inside, regardless. You’d think if you’d bothered to walk all the way out of your house in your dressing gown, you might as well spent a minute or two hearing out my pitch.)

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Has Some Ill Willing

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I am ringing up a man and his family. He is probably in his 50s and his wife is a little younger, and they have a quiet teen daughter.)

Me: “Do you have any coupons?”

(He hands me one for 20% off of juniors’, which would apply to the $150 of the daughter’s clothes. I scan the coupon and the computer kicks it back.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.” *now reading the coupon* “This one starts next week; it won’t take it now.”

Male Customer: “What? Well, I need this stuff now; we don’t want to come back next week. Why would I have the coupon now if I can’t use it?”

Me: “We send the coupons out a couple days early so that you can have them ready, and they have the dates printed right on the front” *I show him*

Female Customer: *very nicely* “Oh, okay. Sorry, we didn’t read that part.”

Male Customer: “WELL, I DON’T CARE! It creates ill will with the customer when you send us coupons we can’t use and don’t honor them! I’m spending $150 dollars here, and I want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t apply it right now. We have other—”

Male Customer: *repeating* “No! It creates ill will with the customer and makes me not want to shop here. I want to see the manager; he just DOESN’T understand!”

(I called for the manager, who came and manually gave the customer the discount, to my disapproval.)

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Not So Handy In This Situation

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(In an effort to make people consider reusing bags, the United Kingdom requires all retailers, by law, to charge customers at least five pence per plastic bag used to carry home one’s shopping. Two customers approach my coworker at the cash register.)

Customer #1: “Just this, please.” *drops very large, very heavy book on counter*

Coworker: “All right, your total today is [price]. Would you like a large plastic carrier bag for five pence?”

Customer #1: “Yes, of course—”

Customer #2: *interrupting* “No, you will not! You shouldn’t stand for this! You are a paying customer, and being charged for a bag is ridiculous!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but, as you may know, the charge is mandated by the government. Giving away free bags is not just against store policy; it is illegal.”

Customer #2: “The law is stupid! There is no reason to pay for a bag!” *turns to friend* “Don’t buy one! That’s what they want.”

Customer #1: “Yes, you’re right.” *to coworker* “I don’t want one. I won’t pay for it.”

Coworker: “That’s fine. Without a bag, your total for the book is still [price].”

Customer #1: *suddenly hostile* “And how am I supposed to carry it?! With my hands?!”

Coworker: *dumbfounded* “Well, you said you didn’t want a bag…”

Customer #1: “Now I don’t want this, either! How dare you, making me hold it?! I won’t carry it!” *grabs smug-looking friend and storms away, leaving book on counter*

Coworker: *speechless*

Me: “I want to know where she intended to put the bag if she wasn’t going to use her hands.”

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Small Talk, Big Problem

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I work for a car rental agency as a sales representative. Part of my job is to make small talk with customers about their plans for our vehicle and their trip to ascertain if they would like certain services. A woman walks up to me.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer: “Uh, fine.” *strange look*

Me: “Do you have a reservation already?”

(She does, so I take her information and begin entering it in the computer.)

Me: “So, are you going anywhere fun?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Are you headed out on vacation?”

Customer: “What? No, I just need a car. It’s local.”

Me: “Oh, all right. Any particular reason? Did your car break down?” *a fairly common reason local residents might want to rent a car*

Customer: *in a sharp tone of voice* “It’s private.”

(I raise an eyebrow and complete the rental in silence. I do not offer her any services. She takes the keys and leaves. I go to lunch. I return. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Agency]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Were you the one that helped me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “I was just in there and this blonde guy helped me. Was that you?”

(I’m the only blonde male working today.)

Me: “Most likely, ma’am. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “I’m afraid there isn’t one on duty today.”

(It’s Saturday, we are painfully slow, and managers go home early.)

Customer: “Well, I just want to lodge a complaint with somebody. You were very rude, asking me about my business with the car. It made me uncomfortable.”

Me: “I apologize, but small talk is part of the job.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! You were prying into my personal life! I shouldn’t have to tell you anything! You have no right!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but asking small questions is how I find out what other services you might require. For instance, if you had never visited this city before, I would offer navigation. If you were renting to go on a bachelor party, I would offer something flashy like a convertible or a Cadillac. It’s part of my job.”

Customer: “You were rude, and you asked too many questions! When does the supervisor return?!”

Me: “He will be in the office tomorrow from 5:00 am until 4:00 pm.”

Customer: “We will see what he says about this!”

Me: “Drive safe, ma’am.” *click*

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Who Run The World? Girls!

, , , , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(We have a staff vacancy advertised in the window. Two people in their early 20s come in: a guy in a torn T-shirt with the word “BROKE” in huge lettering, and a girl. The girl comes up to the counter.)

Girl: “Hi, can you tell me what the hours are like for the job vacancy, please?”

Me: “Sure. It’s a 30-hour contract, but there’s usually extra overtime available. Shifts vary from week to week, but we do need you to be available to work weekends. Do you want to leave a CV?”

Girl: “Oh, it’s actually not for me; it’s him that’s looking.” *to guy* “Babe, did you bring any CVs?”

(The guy has been on his mobile the entire time, walking around the shop, prodding things on the shelves. He doesn’t even acknowledge us.)

Guy: *on phone* “I properly f***ed up on that one, mate… Nah, he didn’t find it yet.”

Me: “Umm, okay, no problem. You can apply online if you go to our website.”

Girl: “That’s great. Is it just [Shop].com?”

Me: “That’s right; there’s a tab at the bottom that says, ‘careers.’”

(The guy is still on phone, even louder now. Other customers are staring at him.)

Guy: “You know what, bruv? You go ahead and smoke it. Might as well get it smoked, innit?”

(He holds the phone to his shoulder to mute it, turns to the girl for the first time since they came in.)

Guy: “We done, girls?”

(The girl gave me a look that says she knew how awful he was, and they left. But not before he clicked his tongue and winked at me. I rather wish he HAD left a CV, so I could have given head office a name to avoid!)

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