At A Loss To Explain The Coin Loss

, , , , , | Right | October 7, 2017

(I’m in line behind a man who has just paid for his coffee with cash.)

Cashier: “Here’s your change, sir.” *it’s a few coins*

Customer: “You mean trash.”

(The customer takes the change, tosses it in the trash can, and walks off.)

Me: *to the cashier* “Geez, ever heard of a tip jar? I think it’s illegal to throw money away. Was it just pennies?”

Cashier: “It was 29 cents!”

Me: “So, he got a quarter! I would have gladly taken it.” *in a mocking voice* “I’m too good for coins; I only use bills.”

Barista: “That’s what happens when you have too much money.”

Putting The Straightening Saleswoman Straight

, , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(My sister and I are window-shopping through our local mall, and we happen to walk past several kiosk salespeople with aggressive tactics. We follow proper shopper protocol: don’t make eye contact, don’t even look at the kiosk for more than two seconds if you don’t want to buy anything, and speed-walk away if noticed. However, this one lady at a hair-care booth sees my well-groomed and naturally curly hair and decides to ignore any body language that says I’m not interested.)

Hair Lady #1: “Hey, you girlies ever straightened your hair?” *judgmentally, and directed right at me* “I know you haven’t!”

(I have to restrain my sister from decking her on the spot! Fortunately, the other, obviously better-trained saleslady pulls her aside.)

Hair Lady #2: “Never, ever, try to shame someone into buying your product! What is wrong with you!?”

(We go to that mall on a regular basis, and [Hair Lady #1] has not been back since that incident. Good riddance.)

No More Hibernating Away From The Gym

, , , , | Related | October 7, 2017

(During dinner.)

Mom: *in scarf and long clothes* “Ugh, it’s gotten so terribly cold! This morning I had to wear my thick jacket!”

Dad: *pulls up t-shirt and motions towards his stomach* “Look at this! It’s gotten so cold!”

Sister: *blank* “That you’re accumulating winter fat?”

Dad: *glares* “So cold that I’m wearing an undershirt.”

Sister: *laughing her a** off*

(Dad started going to the gym soon after.)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 28

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I am on my lunch break, shopping at a fabric store. I am wearing a blue polo, khakis, sneakers, and my ID badge on a lanyard.)

Customer: “Sir! Sir! Over here! Sir!”

(I ignore the other customer, thinking she is calling for an employee. I keep browsing for the fabric marker I am looking for. Then an older gentleman puts his hand on my shoulder and violently turns me around.)

Customer’s Husband: “Hey, she was calling you!”

Me: “Why? I don’t know either one of you.”

Customer’s Husband: “She needs to know where the floral arrangements are!”

Me: “Then find someone who works here, dips**t, and don’t touch me.”

Customer’s Husband: “Oh, yeah? Let’s see that badge, smart-a**.”

(The customer flips my id badge around and sees that it is for a medical software company.)

Customer’s Husband: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, ‘oh.’ Why don’t you try someone wearing a red vest that says [Store] on the back? And try not to grab them; I hear you get better service that way.”

(The man apologized and went looking for an employee. I hope he calmed down and found someone to help them!)

A Case Of Elitism

, , , | Right | October 6, 2017

Customer: “Do you have iPhone cases?”

Me: “Yep, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Do you have a phone?”

Me: “Yep. So, what kind of case were you looking for?”

Customer: “You don’t have an iPhone?”

Me: “No, I have a Nexus…”

Customer: “Well, I want a case that’s going to really protect my iPhone if I drop it. Like, something that will make sure it doesn’t break at all.”

Me: “Okay, well, I would suggest a [Phone Protector].”

(I pick one up to show him.)

Customer: “But you don’t have an iPhone.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Is there anyone here who does?”

Me: “Um, probably. But I don’t need to have an iPhone to know what kind of case you should get.”

Customer: “I just want to talk to someone who has an iPhone.”

(He then turns around and finds my coworker.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you have an iPhone?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “What kind of case should I get?”

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