My fast food job is right by a beach that hosts festivals all the time. One day, after some problems with homeless people abusing the bathroom, we are instructed to only let customers who bought something use it. (I don’t always enforce it for kids, pregnant women, etc.)

One day, the biggest festival of the year is happening, and we are all scrambling to get ready for the rush when the festival ends. (The line out the door often lasts until 2:00 am.) At around 9:00 pm, a man who looks surprisingly like Elton John comes in and asks to use the restroom.

Me: “Of course, although you do need to purchase something first.”

I recommend our cheapest item (under a dollar). He gets super pissed but does eventually buy it.

Probably fifteen minutes later, the man walks up and slaps a $100 dollar bill onto the counter.

Man: “This is for the rest of the customers tonight to use the bathroom. You’re a bad person and should feel bad.”

Then, he walked out the door.

My manager told me that I could take the money as a tip, but I decided to split it with the rest of the crew. We did end up letting most people use the bathroom without paying simply because of how busy that night was.

A customer tries to pay by check, but this customer has had two checks bounce before.

Me: “Sir, we cannot accept payment from you by check.”

Customer: “That’s racist!”

Me: “No, sir, it’s because your last two checks had bounced, so we can no longer accept checks from you.”

Customer: “It’s because I’m [Race]!”

Me: “Could you call your bank to verify the funds while you’re still here?

Customer: “You’re racist for wanting to check with my bank!”

We end up calling the bank while he is talking with someone else. There are insufficient funds for the check to clear, so we give it back to him and tell him why.

Customer: *Pulling out a credit card* “This is so racist!”

His credit card is declined.

Customer: “You’re racist for declining my credit card!”

I get a call from a lady.

Caller: “Is my phone ready to pick up? You were repairing it.”

I check.

Me: “It is indeed ready for your husband to pick up.”

Caller: *Becomes irate* “Why the f*** does it need to be my husband?!”

Me: “We have a strict policy on store pick-ups to avoid customer and legal issues. It’s your husband’s name on the service ticket.”

Caller: “My husband is a doctor! He’s helping all sorts of elderly who have slipped and hurt themselves on the ice!”

It’s early summer, and we haven’t had any ice since February, but okay. After explaining to her that we can only give the phone to the person who has their name on the service ticket, she begins to try her hand at insults.

Caller: “You are all just a bunch of dumb-a** eight-dollar-an-hour employees!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we make $8.50.”

I eventually go and talk to a manager. After hearing the name, he decides to make an exception (since they are in the process of buying $6,000 worth of home theater equipment). He says to just change the name on the ticket to whoever she wants to pick it up.

After informing her that we are prepared to make an exception, she says:

Caller: “Oh, no, thanks! It’s my husband’s day off. We’re just going to come in and do some other shopping.”

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 17
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 16
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 15
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 14
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 13

I work in a pet store. We have a policy where we basically have to accept a return no matter the condition of the product or the situation. Customers know this and take advantage of it.

A woman comes in with a ripped, completely empty bag — one of those HUGE dog food bags.

Customer: “I’m returning this because my dog didn’t like the taste.”

Me: “But… there’s nothing left. Your dog ate it all.”

Customer: “Yeah, but he didn’t like it!”

I work in Account Provisioning for a medical setting. I understand that some users are not very tech-savvy, so I spend lots of time using TextExpander (an app/extension that automatically expands things you type) to give information in as detailed a way as possible and to ensure I leave nothing to guesswork.

We have a rule that if we make three contacts with no response, then we close the ticket. I have contacted this user three times with a question about her request, and I’ve gotten no answer, so her ticket got closed out.

I then get a very snotty email stating, among other things:

User: “I didn’t tell you that you could close my ticket, and you never contacted me like the resolution states.”

The user then proceeds to answer a question I emailed to her, proving that she did, indeed, get the emails.

Me: “Did you follow the instructions I gave you in my first set of emails on how to map the drive you requested access to?”

In the emails, I gave her a snippet from TextExpander explaining everything as if the reader were in second grade. (“Example: Click on File Explorer [the icon looks like a manilla folder].”)

User: “I don’t know about all this tech garbage, so why don’t you do your job and help me?!”

Normally, if a user is struggling, I will reach out and assist, even though our standard operating procedure is to transfer tickets back to the service desk so they can help the user instead of our tiny team of five getting tied up.

Well, this lady didn’t get my help. Do my job? All right, I’ll do it to the letter of the law, then. Now she gets to wait two days for the service desk to get around to her ticket.

Meanwhile, she has been emailing me complaining. Well, lady, don’t bite the hand that manages your access to technology. Now, wait and suffer at the hands of SOP.