I have an old couple come in with a broken computer. It turns out to be a bad hard drive, so the hard drive is replaced and installed.

Me: “Would you like us to install your operating system on the new drive?”

Customer: “No, we will do that ourselves; we’ve done it many times.”

We almost believe them for a second, until they ask our tech whether that is easy to do, in a pleading sort of “please let it be easy” way. I document their refusal very well.

I am working the counter again the day they come back: the OS is on there, but they can’t get Internet access, and their primary drive is I:\ instead of C:\ (bizarre).

Customer: “Our neighbor who is good with computers spent two hours trying to fix it! It’s not working!”

Read: who the f*** knows what has been done to this computer, at this point? Fine, no problem, we’ll take it back, wipe the drive, and redo the OS install for them. That’ll be a set price, just like we offered earlier.

Customer: “No. You’re going to do it for free.”

Our entire team has just been yelled at by our department head that under no circumstances are we to give away free labor, so there is no way that is going to happen. I’d lose my job.

There is no higher supervisor for me to foist this couple on because they are all in their weekly meeting. I spend an entire hour with the couple attempting to explain that we cannot warranty work that we did not do, nor work that the couple has expressly forbidden us from doing.

This old couple ends up trying to do good cop, bad cop. The wife keeps repeating:

Wife: “We just want to be happy. Why won’t you make us happy?”

I have to honestly reply:

Me: “I don’t think I can make you happy.”

This sixty-plus-year-old husband had a vein in his forehead that was doing the tango. He was red, and he was gripping the counter he was holding on to so tightly that I kept offering to find him a chair because I was very worried he was going to have a cardiac event.

They finally chose the hardware diagnostic option — literally the worst choice possible. I ended up writing over a page of notes to document the encounter in an attempt to cover my a**, and I talked to my manager as soon as she was out of the meeting.

Naturally, after having a conversation over the phone with that couple, my manager not only offered them free a free OS installation but also gave them a free copy and installation of security software, as well.

Note that I was exceedingly polite throughout the whole process with this couple.

I was forced, by policy, to endure an hour of being yelled at by customers — and pissing off other customers as well, I’m sure — in order to keep my job, only to have it instantly reversed by my manager, with extra free goodies.

Adding insult to injury, after all of this stuff we did for them, the couple still gave us a 0% survey, prompting our store manager to go headhunting for “the customer service representative who did this.” It was a great week in retail.

I have just finished serving a customer.

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

I call the manager over, and he asks how he can help.

Customer: “Your clerk told me to have a nice day.”

Manager: *Waiting for the issue* “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not having a nice day, and I am very upset that your staff is ordering me to turn my day around!”

You just can’t please some people.

I work at a licensed [Coffee Chain]; we aren’t owned by the chain, but we sell their products. A guy comes in and orders drinks for himself and his wife.

Customer: “Let me get a vanilla cappuccino for my wife.”

I make it, and he comes back a few minutes later.

Customer: “This is the wrong drink.”

I start to explain what a cappuccino is, figuring he meant to order a latte, which is what usually happens.

Customer: “No, I thought it was like a hot chocolate.”

After staring at him for a second, I make him a hot chocolate and go to charge him for it. Usually, I would have replaced it for free, but he’s been a jerk the entire time.

Customer: *Freaking out* “I shouldn’t have to pay for the drink when you messed up my order.”

Me: “My job is to make the drink you ordered. It’s not on me if that’s not the drink you wanted.”

Related:
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 7
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 6
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 5
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 4
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 3

I once received a private message from a stranger on Facebook.

Stranger: “You have singlehandedly destroyed my belief that British people are intelligent and witty based on your comment in [Group].”

The message was flagged as spam, and I didn’t find it until over a year later, so the most annoying part was that I couldn’t remember what the post was or what I had said!

A customer is trying to use a buy-one-get-one-free coupon.

Me: “Sir, you can’t use this coupon.”

Customer: “It’s valid until the fifteenth of October! It’s only October fourth!”

Me: “It expired on the fifteenth of October last year, sir.”

Customer: “Well, it should come back around and be valid again.”

Me: “I’m afraid I already tried to scan it and it’s not working. We do have the same sale happening again this year, though, so I can advise you to go online and get this year’s coupon and—”

Customer: “Oh, I have that, too.”

Me: “Then why did you try to use last year’s?”

Customer: “I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good coupon.”

The customer then fishes out THIS YEAR’S coupon, which works perfectly.

Customer: “Admit it: you underestimated me, didn’t you?”

Me: “Sir, I can honestly say you’re impossible to underestimate.”

Customer: “D*** right!” *Walks out triumphantly*

Related:
The Couponator 36: The Counter-Coupon Cashier
The Couponator 35: Dog Food Day Afternoon
The Couponator 34: Blast From The Past
The Couponator 33: The Double Cross
The Couponator 32: Attack Of The Rulebreaker