Enchilada-rama

, , , , , | Right | January 10, 2018

(I am waiting on a group of elderly people.)

Me: “Are we all decided on what we want to order?”

Customer #1: “Where’s the enchiladas on here?” *she waves the menu around*

Me: “We don’t have enchiladas.”

Customer #1:Yes, you do!

Me: “No, we have never sold enchiladas. Can I offer you something else?”

Customer #1: “Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid! Get me your manager!”

(I go and get my manager and explain the situation. He lets out a long sigh and approaches the table.)

Manager: “What’s the issue I can help you with, ma’am?”

Customer #1: “I WANT ENCHILADAS! YOUR RUDE WAITRESS LIED TO ME; I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!”

Manager: “We don’t have enchiladas; we have never had enchiladas on our menu.”

Customer #1: “YES, YOU DO!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we sell burgers.”

Customer #1: “Stop lying!”

Customer #2: *in booth next to them* “You dumb b****, if you want Mexican food go to [Fast Food Place]. Leave these poor people alone. Not everyone should have to deal with your stupidity!”

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The Marketers Are Reverting To Baby Talk

, , , , , , , | Working | January 10, 2018

(I’m at home with my young son, who has just woken up from his nap and is happily playing with his toys. My phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hello, may I speak to [Son]?”

Me: *thinking she meant “about”* “Um, this is his father. What’s this in regards to?”

Telemarketer: “I need to speak to [Son], please. It’s quite important; is he there?”

Me: “Yes. But he’s also 14 months old. I seriously doubt you want to speak with him, at least until he’s capable of… you know… speaking.”

(I hang up, thinking that’s the end of it. However, shortly afterwards, my phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hello. I don’t think you realise how important this call is to [Son]. It’s vital that I speak with him on this matter.”

Me: *figuring I can get rid of her quicker if I take the bait* “Okay. About what, exactly?”

Telemarketer: “That’s private, I’m afraid, sir. I need to discuss this with [Son] personally. Data protection, I’m sure you understand.”

Me: “Listen. My son is 14 months — as in one year and two months — old. I don’t know what you want, but I guarantee he won’t be interested. So, I’m going to go ahead and decline your generous offer on his behalf.” *hangs up*

(Ring, ring.)

Me: “All right, what?”

Telemarketer: “You know, if I were the police I could have you arrested.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Telemarketer: *condescendingly* “If my call was a police matter, you could be arrested for obstruction of justice.”

Me:Are you the police?”

Telemarketer: “I could be! As I said, this is a private matter between [Son] and me. I can’t discuss it with you.”

Me: “And as I said… You know what? I’ll pass you over to him.”

Telemarketer: *smugly* “A wise decision, sir.”

(I put the speaker on and pass the phone to my son, who holds it, staring in wonder.)

Son: “Ah?”

Telemarketer: “Good afternoon, Mr. [Son]. My name is [Telemarketer]. I’m calling on behalf of [Not the Police], and we have wonderful news! You have been selected to receive our exclusive offers that you won’t find…”

(My son giggles and babbles to himself as he turns my phone this way and that.)

Telemarketer: “I’m sorry, Mr. [Son]. I didn’t quite catch that; could you say that again?”

(My son then put the phone right up to his mouth and yelled, “AAAAAAAAHHHH!” down the line, louder than I’d ever heard him. I could make out the unmistakable sound of an earpiece being thrown onto a desk, followed by the muffled voice of the telemarketer shouting, “Good f***ing God!” before the call got dropped. My son guffawed and then went back to playing with his toys. We didn’t get any more calls from them again.)

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They’re Entitled To Feel Entitled

, , , , , | Right | January 10, 2018

(As a couple is checking out I notice their interest in a certain item in our store. Up-selling is a big part of my job, so I let them know the price and bring the item down for them, which they decide to get. As I get to the register I notice that the price sticker is showing the item for half of its actual price.)

Me: “Oh, and it looks like the price sticker is actually showing a much lower price than it’s supposed to be, so I can go ahead and give you that lower price today.”

Customer: “Wait, that sticker says [lower price]; why is it ringing up for [higher price]?!”

Me: “The price you see is what the item is supposed to sell for. But since we put the wrong price on the item, I can give it to you for the lower price. I just need to key it in.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault you people mislabeled this! I demand to get the price on the sticker!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’ve already adjusted the price for you, as you can see on the screen.”

Customer: “I never would have gotten this if I had known it was so expensive! You’re just trying to fool us into spending more!”

Me: “Ma’am, I informed you the item was [higher price], and I am the one who told you we could give it to you for [lower price]. I really don’t understand the confusion. But your total is now [lower price].”

Customer: “I swear, I have to fight you people every time I need something done around here. You’re all just crooks.”

Me: *giving up* “Here you are, ma’am. You have a nice day.”

Customer: “See? It says it on the tag, right here, clear as day! Honestly, some people.”

(I don’t know how I offended this woman, but my manager decided to refuse her service in the future. So, that’s nice.)

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Perhaps The Dogs Knew What They Were Doing

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(A woman comes up to the register and complains about how her dogs’ food isn’t where it should be.)

Me: *trying to sympathize* “Well, we are doing a big reset on our dog food section, and it takes a couple days to take everything down and put it back in its new place. I’m sorry that you had a hard time finding it; next time you come in, it should be where it’s going to stay!”

Customer: “It’s always something here! I’m so tired of the drama in this store!”

Me: “I’m sorry if there was any difficulty with the food.”

Customer: “It’s not just the food! It’s the employees, the other customers, everything! Every time I come here, there’s drama. So, you know what? I’m not coming here anymore!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: *grabs items* “I’m never setting foot in this store again!”

(The customer leaves, but a minute later returns.)

Customer: “My dogs locked my keys in my car! I need someone out here to help me, now!

(The customer goes back outside. [Customer #2] is being rung up.)

Customer #2: “And she says the store has drama?!”

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Maybe Allowed You To BREATHE, For One?

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(As I’m ringing up a customer who is only purchasing a small item:)

Me: “Would you like a bag, sir?”

Customer:Of course I do; I don’t want to be arrested.”

Me: *fake smiles as I put his item in a bag*

Customer: “Why did you ask? Are you required to ask customers?”

Me: “No, but a lot of people either bring their own bags or do not want to waste a bag when they don’t mind carrying their items back.”

Customer: “That’s just preposterous! Why would they do that?”

Me: “Well, it’s just better for the environment.”

Customer: *scoffs* “The environment?! What has the environment ever done for me?!”

(I’m an environmental scientist major.)

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