Getting Shirty About The Shirt

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 6, 2018

(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line to check out at a store. We’re in our late 30s, and while I’m into a lot of geeky things, she’s not. While in line, a rather attractive younger woman comes up behind us. She’s wearing librarian glasses, a [Popular Old Video Game] pendant necklace, and a t-shirt printed with one of those parody [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment charts. I can’t help but notice and start to read her shirt, which means I’m staring directly at her chest. My girlfriend notices after a moment, grabs my sleeve, and gives me a nostril-flaring death stare.)

Me: *doesn’t get it at first* “What?” *gets it* “What? I was reading her shirt!”

Young Woman: *also doesn’t get it* “Oh, you like?” *pulls shirt out a bit making it easier to read*

Me: “Yeah, that’s really cool. Have a great day!”

(The girlfriend and I get through the register quickly, fortunately. Let’s say that her driving on the way home is a bit, um… aggressive. After she takes a turn that screeches the tires:)

Me: “I really was just reading her shirt. It was a [Role-Playing Dungeon Game] alignment chart, but with [Popular Space Movie] characters.”

Girlfriend: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “No, see, there’s this idea of a grid that your character can fall into, and that determines what you..”

Girlfriend: *cutting me off* “SHUT UP!”

Me: “But that’s–”

Girlfriend: *cutting me off again* “SHUT. THE. F***. UP. NOW!”

(After getting home, she shut herself in the bedroom. I have a feeling I’m sleeping on the couch tonight, all because I couldn’t not know that whole chart.)

1 Thumbs

Pestering Your Siblings

, , , , , , | Related | March 6, 2018

(My sister and I both have the day off, and we’re in the living room of our apartment. I’m in the middle of an online game when there’s a knock at the door. My sister goes to answer the door and finds a pair of pest control workers.)

Sister: “Hey, how are you?”

Worker: “We’re good. We just came by to ask if you’ve had any issues with pests lately. We were told a few of the other apartments have these issues.”

Sister: “Well, we just have maybe two or three ladybugs here, but nothing major.”

Worker: “I see.”

Sister: “Actually, come to think of it, I do have one pest issue.”

Worker: “Oh, yeah? What is it?”

Sister: “It’s this giant lump on our couch.”

Me: “Screw you, [Sister].”

(The workers did a quick look around, chuckling the whole time, and left for the next apartment.)

1 Thumbs

Charged With Anger

, , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(I always keep an extra phone charger plugged in at my desk in case I need it. My coworkers know this and tend to borrow it when they need to, if it’s not in use. I don’t mind, as we have a small office and I’ve never had an issue with anyone abusing it or not returning it. We had a new hire start about a month ago. He’s in the same office but a different department, so I don’t know him well. He comes and stands at my cubicle and puts his hand out.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Coworker: “My phone is dead.” *shows me his phone, which is a different brand*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you. I only have [Brand] charger; it won’t work with your phone.”

Coworker: “Seriously!? I was told to come to your desk for a charger. How could you only have [Brand]?”

Me: “I think there may have been a miscommunication. I keep an extra charger at my desk for my phone, which is [Brand]. I am more than happy to let other [Brand] users borrow it when I’m not using it, but I’m not the ‘keeper of the chargers’ for [Company].”

(I laugh a bit to lighten the mood, thinking maybe he thought that our work supplied chargers and I just held onto them. But no.)

Coworker: “Wow, that is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard. If you make something accessible to one group, you should make it accessible to all. Equality, you know? [Other Brand] chargers aren’t that expensive; you should have bought one to share with people who don’t use your stupid elite phone!” *storms off*

Other Coworker: *across the aisle* “Did… Did he just yell at you for not having an extra charger for a phone you don’t own?”

1 Thumbs

Listen To His Bad Advice All Overnight Long

, , , | Related | March 5, 2018

(My dad is at that stage where he can contradict himself just because he’s old.)

Dad: “How’s your new job? It isn’t overnight, is it?”

Me: *sigh* “No, Dad.”

Dad: “Good, because when you had that overnight job, you looked like a zombie!”

Me: “Stop picking on me, Dad!”

Dad: “It’s what dads do.”

(I tell him that it was the only job I could get at the time and he scoffs. Later…)

Dad: “I’m old so if I become sick, you’ll have to pay my bills.”

Me: “I can’t pay your bills on my salary. I’d have to get a second job.”

Dad: “Well, if that’s what you have to do, then do it. I didn’t raise you to be lazy.”

Me: “I’d have to take an overnight job. Didn’t you say to never take an overnight job?”

Dad: *pauses* “It’s time that you shouldn’t listen to me. Be a man and do your own thing!”

(I love when I throw his words back at him; it shows that he doesn’t know anything. And I’m a woman.)

1 Thumbs

Named And Shamed

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(I have just finished ringing up three adult women when one of them points to my name tag.)

Customer #1: “Hey, check out his name!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Customer #2: “Your name is [My Name]? That’s my son’s name, too.”

Me: “Heh. Sounds like you’ve got good taste in names.”

Customer #2: “Nah. That kid’s such an idiot. He’s three years old.”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs