Who Run The World? Girls!

, , , , , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(We have a staff vacancy advertised in the window. Two people in their early 20s come in: a guy in a torn T-shirt with the word “BROKE” in huge lettering, and a girl. The girl comes up to the counter.)

Girl: “Hi, can you tell me what the hours are like for the job vacancy, please?”

Me: “Sure. It’s a 30-hour contract, but there’s usually extra overtime available. Shifts vary from week to week, but we do need you to be available to work weekends. Do you want to leave a CV?”

Girl: “Oh, it’s actually not for me; it’s him that’s looking.” *to guy* “Babe, did you bring any CVs?”

(The guy has been on his mobile the entire time, walking around the shop, prodding things on the shelves. He doesn’t even acknowledge us.)

Guy: *on phone* “I properly f***ed up on that one, mate… Nah, he didn’t find it yet.”

Me: “Umm, okay, no problem. You can apply online if you go to our website.”

Girl: “That’s great. Is it just [Shop].com?”

Me: “That’s right; there’s a tab at the bottom that says, ‘careers.’”

(The guy is still on phone, even louder now. Other customers are staring at him.)

Guy: “You know what, bruv? You go ahead and smoke it. Might as well get it smoked, innit?”

(He holds the phone to his shoulder to mute it, turns to the girl for the first time since they came in.)

Guy: “We done, girls?”

(The girl gave me a look that says she knew how awful he was, and they left. But not before he clicked his tongue and winked at me. I rather wish he HAD left a CV, so I could have given head office a name to avoid!)

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The Comedy Becomes A Tragedy

, , , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(I work in the box office of a dinner theatre. When I was first hired, I was told that one of the perks of the job was getting two free tickets for each new show. They then took this perk away, which meant that if I wanted to see the show, I had to pay full price. Since the tickets are expensive and I am a poor student, I rarely do this.)

Customer: *on the phone* “I’d like to ask you some questions about [Show].”

(They ask me some basic questions, such as, “who’s in it,” “how long is it,” “what’s the plot,” etc. I answer all the questions based on the information I’ve been given by my boss.)

Customer: “Is it funny?”

Me: “Oh, yes. It’s a comedy.”

Customer: “Do you think it’s funny?”

Me: “I haven’t actually seen it yet, sir, so I can’t answer that.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, who can?”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m on my own tonight, so there’s no one else to ask. I could get one of my colleagues to call you tomorrow, if you like.”

Customer: “Never mind. Is there swearing?”

Me: “There is a profanity warning, yes.”

Customer: “What kind of swearing? The ‘s’ word? The ‘f’ word?”

Me: “I’m sorry; since I haven’t seen it, I don’t know for sure.”

Customer: “Fine.” *hangs up*

(I didn’t think any more about that call until a few days later. I came in for my shift and found a letter hanging from our bulletin board. It was a furious rant from that customer, saying how incompetent I was, how little help I’d been, and how he would never come to any of our shows if that was the kind of idiot they’d hire for their box office. The only upside was that he hadn’t gotten my name, and he didn’t specify the date on which he’d called. Good thing, too, because my boss went on a tirade about that letter, vowing to fire the person responsible. I quit shortly after that.)

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A Different Brand Of Bad Customer

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(It’s my last day at a large grocery store chain where my main job is changing prices and making sure they are right in the system. My coworker is asking me a few questions about a price that corporate put into our system. A customer approaches.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “That’s what I want to know! I’ve been standing here waiting! I want frozen pot pies, and they can’t be [Brand #1]; I hate [Brand #1]!”

Me: “Okay, well, [Brand #2] is right here and they have many varieties.”

Customer: *becoming more angry* “No, no, no! I hate [Brand #2]!”

Coworker: “Well, there’s [Brand #3]?” *turns to me* “I’ll just ask you about that price later. Okay-thanks-bye!

(She runs back to her department to leave me with the customer. I grab my handheld computer to check if there are any [Brand #3] in stock.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but it looks like we are all out of [Brand #3]. I see here we have three cases on order for tomorrow, so if you come back then, we will definitely have some in stock!”

Customer: “But I’m not here tomorrow! I’m here now, so I want them now!”

Me: “Well, sir, I can give you [Brand #1] — our most popular and expensive brand — for the price of [Brand #3], but I can’t get you [Brand #3]. We are all out of it. But we will have three cases tomorrow. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks for nothing!”

(He walks away yelling, “But I’m here now, and I want it now!” Afterwards, I go up to my coworker and tell her what happened.)

Coworker: “Dude, it’s your last day. You should have just told him to wait a second while you pulled them out of your a**, since he was so intent on having them now! Do people in this world not realize we can’t s*** miracles?!”

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You’re Finnished

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 7, 2018

(I’m Finnish, but I currently work and live in London. Some of my friends are visiting from Finland and we go to a nice, small café near my flat. We are chatting and, obviously, we use Finnish since it’s everyone’s first language. A man maybe in his 50s has been sitting near us and now approaches our table.)

Man: *rudely* “What are you talking?!”

(We are a bit surprised by his tone, but I assume he is just wondering what language we use, since Finnish is kind of rare and a hard one to guess. He’s not the first one to ask. So, I answer politely that we are speaking Finnish.)

Man: “No! You have to speak English! This is London! Anyone can’t understand you!”

Me: “I speak English when I’m speaking with other people, but we are all Finnish, so we can, in fact, understand each other.”

Man: *speaking on top of me* “NO! You need to speak English all the time! All the time! Other people need to understand you!”

Me: “Look, mate. I don’t see that this is in any way your problem. We speak English with other people, but Finnish with each other. We have been understood perfectly well by everyone, since we speak English to the people who don’t speak Finnish.”

Friend: “Yeah, so, please leave us alone.”

(By this point the barista and everyone else in the café have noticed that something is going on.)

Barista: “Excuse me, but is everything all right?”

Me: “This ‘gentleman’ is kind of bothering us.”

Man: “They need to speak English! Otherwise, people can’t understand what you are saying! You could be talking about anything! You could be talking about me!”

Friend: “Why on earth would we be talking about you?”

Barista: “Sir, there is no law that says everyone must speak English all the time. Have they in any way indicated that they were talking about you?”

Man: “Well, no, but they might! I was listening, and I couldn’t understand them at all, not one word! They need to speak English.”

Barista: “So, your problem is that you tried to eavesdrop on their conversation, and now you are annoyed that you couldn’t?”

Man: *pause* “No… Well… No… Other people can’t… Need to understand them…”

(The man went back to his table, took his things, and left. We thanked and tipped the barista. My friends just thought the whole thing funny. I can’t understand how a person can function in a multicultural city with hundreds of different languages and millions of tourists with that attitude.)

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How To A-Dress Someone Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(A lady comes into the store with her friend.)

Me: “Hi, how are you ladies today?”

Customer: “Your dress! I love it! “

(I am wearing a black tee with a black and white maxi skirt, not a dress.)

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Customer: “I must have it.”

Me: “Well, I didn’t get the top here, but I can certainly show you where I got the skirt, if you’ll just follow me.”

Customer: “Take it off and sell it to me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Go take your dress off and sell it to me!”

Me: “Um, I think I hear one of my other customers calling for me. If you’ll just excuse me…”

(Later on at the registers, I get stuck checking the two of them out. My on-duty manager is checking the merchandise locator for another customer, who is waiting at the opposite end.)

Customer: *to my manager* “You know, I tried to get this lady to sell me her outfit, but she just wouldn’t!”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just kidding, of course.” *turns to me* “You should really learn to take a joke better.”

Manager: “Ma’am, whether you’re joking or not, you don’t go up to a complete stranger and demand they sell you their outfit. Not only is it extremely rude, but it’s just plain weird.”

(The customer and her friend silently pay for their purchases and leave.)

Next Customer In Line: “Wow. You ladies don’t get paid enough for that kind of crazy!”

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