Putting The Straightening Saleswoman Straight

, , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(My sister and I are window-shopping through our local mall, and we happen to walk past several kiosk salespeople with aggressive tactics. We follow proper shopper protocol: don’t make eye contact, don’t even look at the kiosk for more than two seconds if you don’t want to buy anything, and speed-walk away if noticed. However, this one lady at a hair-care booth sees my well-groomed and naturally curly hair and decides to ignore any body language that says I’m not interested.)

Hair Lady #1: “Hey, you girlies ever straightened your hair?” *judgmentally, and directed right at me* “I know you haven’t!”

(I have to restrain my sister from decking her on the spot! Fortunately, the other, obviously better-trained saleslady pulls her aside.)

Hair Lady #2: “Never, ever, try to shame someone into buying your product! What is wrong with you!?”

(We go to that mall on a regular basis, and [Hair Lady #1] has not been back since that incident. Good riddance.)

No More Hibernating Away From The Gym

, , , , | Related | October 7, 2017

(During dinner.)

Mom: *in scarf and long clothes* “Ugh, it’s gotten so terribly cold! This morning I had to wear my thick jacket!”

Dad: *pulls up t-shirt and motions towards his stomach* “Look at this! It’s gotten so cold!”

Sister: *blank* “That you’re accumulating winter fat?”

Dad: *glares* “So cold that I’m wearing an undershirt.”

Sister: *laughing her a** off*

(Dad started going to the gym soon after.)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 28

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I am on my lunch break, shopping at a fabric store. I am wearing a blue polo, khakis, sneakers, and my ID badge on a lanyard.)

Customer: “Sir! Sir! Over here! Sir!”

(I ignore the other customer, thinking she is calling for an employee. I keep browsing for the fabric marker I am looking for. Then an older gentleman puts his hand on my shoulder and violently turns me around.)

Customer’s Husband: “Hey, she was calling you!”

Me: “Why? I don’t know either one of you.”

Customer’s Husband: “She needs to know where the floral arrangements are!”

Me: “Then find someone who works here, dips**t, and don’t touch me.”

Customer’s Husband: “Oh, yeah? Let’s see that badge, smart-a**.”

(The customer flips my id badge around and sees that it is for a medical software company.)

Customer’s Husband: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, ‘oh.’ Why don’t you try someone wearing a red vest that says [Store] on the back? And try not to grab them; I hear you get better service that way.”

(The man apologized and went looking for an employee. I hope he calmed down and found someone to help them!)

A Case Of Elitism

, , , | Right | October 6, 2017

Customer: “Do you have iPhone cases?”

Me: “Yep, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Do you have a phone?”

Me: “Yep. So, what kind of case were you looking for?”

Customer: “You don’t have an iPhone?”

Me: “No, I have a Nexus…”

Customer: “Well, I want a case that’s going to really protect my iPhone if I drop it. Like, something that will make sure it doesn’t break at all.”

Me: “Okay, well, I would suggest a [Phone Protector].”

(I pick one up to show him.)

Customer: “But you don’t have an iPhone.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Is there anyone here who does?”

Me: “Um, probably. But I don’t need to have an iPhone to know what kind of case you should get.”

Customer: “I just want to talk to someone who has an iPhone.”

(He then turns around and finds my coworker.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you have an iPhone?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “What kind of case should I get?”

When Thinking Outside The Box Is Not Thinking At All

, , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I’m a supervisor in customer care at a call center for a major cellular provider. When we do warranty replacements, we send a phone out and require the defective one to be returned. If, however, it returns physically damaged outside of the warranty, we bill a damaged device fee. The following is one of those escalations.)

Me: *taking over escalated call from agent* “Hi, ma’am. I’m a wireless care supervisor; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I want my money back! You HAVE to give me my money back!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I’m looking at the pictures of the device you sent in, and the phone’s screen isn’t just cracked, it’s completely shattered. Our warranty doesn’t cover this, and I’m afraid we have to charge you.”

Customer: “No, you HAVE to get rid of this charge. There was NOTHING wrong with that phone when I sent it in.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. When we received it, it was pretty beaten up. Did you pack it well when you mailed it?”

Customer: “I packed it exactly like the other rep told me to! It was fine when it left here!”

Me: “Perhaps you could take it up with the postal carrier?”

Customer: “I thought it was weird, the way the rep told me to pack it, but I did it exactly like they said!”

Me: *curious where this is going to lead* “Okay, ma’am. What did they tell you to do?”

Customer: “He said to tape it to the box. I’ve never done that before, but that’s what he said to do, and I did. If it’s broken, it’s your fault!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, taping the phone inside the box is a good idea, as it does prevent the phone from jostling around and possibly breaking.”

Customer: *quiet for a moment* “What do you mean ‘inside the box’?”

Me: *thinking I see where this is going, checking the pics of the broken phone, and the box it came in, again* “Ma’am… did you tape your phone to the OUTSIDE of the shipping box?”

Customer: “I just did what the representative told me to do! That’s the way you guys package your return phones, and I did everything I was supposed to do!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You have to get rid of this charge! You just have to!”

Me: “Ma’am, you taped the phone to the outside of an empty box, shipped it to us, and you don’t know why the phone is broken?” *barely able to contain laughter at this point* “I’m sorry, but there’s just no way we can refund this.”

(The customer launched into tirade of profanity, yelled for my manager, and ended up getting disconnected for being abusive. And I don’t think she ever realized that she shouldn’t have taped it to the box.)

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