Has Some Holiday Daddy Issues

, , , | Right | July 9, 2015

(The store I work at has multiple signs advertising for Father’s Day promotions, which is next week.)

Customer: “Is tomorrow Father’s Day? I don’t want to miss it.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it’s next week, but I’m not 100% sure.”

Customer: “You don’t know?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I can check for you if you’d like?”

Customer: *very snidely* “How can you not know? What, don’t you have a father?”

Me: “No. Actually, I don’t.”

(He blushed, apologized, and left quickly.)

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Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

, , , , | NY, USA | Right | July 30, 2014

(I am the third customer in line. There’s a customer at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***?! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

(The customer turns around snarling.)

Customer: “Shut the fff… uhhhh…”

(She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

Cashier: “The almond is good!”

(The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”

 

See this story as a comic!

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Just Got Rid Of His Breadwinner

, , , , | Working | January 22, 2014

(The owners of the bakery I work at recently retired. Our new owner is a kid fresh out of USC whose father bought the business for him to run. It is our first meeting with him.)

Owner: “I’ve been looking at the books and I think I’ve figured out the best way to improve productivity. First of all, due to the recent recession were going to have to implement some cutbacks, starting with salaries.”

(He then announces that most of the employees are getting at least a 10 percent pay cut and the head baker, a man with over 30 years of experience, is seeing his salary cut in half.)

Head Baker: “Why the h*** should we get a pay cut? Business has been improving year after year for a solid decade here and the economic downturn actually lowered our operating costs.”

Owner: “You just don’t understand economics. Now, you can either take the pay cut or find another job.”

(The head baker walked out without a word. It took exactly two days for the new owner to realize that he had fired the only man who knew all of the recipes and who dealt with over half our regular clientele. After a particularly vicious scolding by his father over the phone he was forced to hire the head baker back at nearly double his original pay.)

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Just Brought Death To Her Career

, , , , | Working | November 11, 2013

(I’m showing a new secretary around the office. We go to get on the elevator, and when it arrives I see our chief operating officer (COO) in it. Our COO is very tall, thin, and has heavy scarring on his face.)

Me: “Good morning, Mr.—”

Secretary: “Ew, I don’t want to ride with him. Let’s take the next one.”

Me: “What?!”

Secretary: “He looks like the Grim Reaper. We’ll just take the next one.”

(The COO looks at her for a moment, then very calmly presses the ‘doors close’ button. I gape at the new secretary.)

Me: “What the h***, [Secretary]?”

Secretary: “What? He was weird-looking.”

Me: “You realize that that was the chief operating officer of the company?!”

Secretary: “Really? Ew.”

(She was fired before the end of the day.)

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Stark Raving Mad

, , | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | September 30, 2013

(An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

(The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red wine window.)

Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here; winter is near.'”

Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

Customer: “WELL, DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

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