Will Not Be The Highlight Of Your Day

, , , | Right | January 15, 2018

Customer: *comes up to cash desk with a return* “Hi. I’d like to return this book.”

Me: “No problem! I should be able to do that for you!” *takes book and receipt*

(Upon flipping through it I notice that many things in the book have been highlighted.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t return this for you today. There are things highlighted in it.” *I show her the highlighted sections*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t do that!”

Me: “Regardless of who has done it, ma’am, I cannot return this item. It’s not in re-sellable condition.”

Customer: “Well, I probably bought it from [Different Location] like that!”

Me: “While I don’t know if that’s the case, I still can’t return it for you. Perhaps give it as a gift to someone else if you no longer need it?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *snatches book and receipt back* “I’m going to go back to [Different Location] and return it! They’ll do it for me!”

Me: “You’re more than welcome to, ma’am, but we are part of the same company and have the same rules. So, I doubt they will do that for you.”

Customer: *gives me a death glare and leaves*

Me: *sigh* “And I just started my day, too.”

The Wrapping Isn’t Free

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I am sitting in a restaurant enjoying a meal when I observe this exchange. It makes me feel good.)

Diner #1: *looking at the meal that has just been set in front of him* “What is this? There isn’t [price] worth of food here!”

Diner #2: *speaking from a third table* “Did you take in to account the cost of the restaurant wrapped around your plate?”

Waitress: *looking at [Diner #2], mouthing the words* “Thank you!”

Diner #1: “…”

Hands-Off Tamp-On

, , , , , , , | Working | January 14, 2018

(My coworker and I are putting items back on the shelves. I’ve got an armful of beauty products that I’m putting back, in addition to a whole cart full of items that a customer left. He’s just standing there, watching. He’s male, I’m female. We’re both in college.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a few boxes of tampons in the cart that go on this aisle. Can you put them back?”

Coworker #1: “Ew! No, you do it.”

Me: “Okay, then you come put all this makeup back.”

Coworker #1: “No way; that’s girl stuff!”

Me: “Then put the tampons away.”

Coworker #1: “That’s so gross.”

Me: “They’re not used, you idiot. They’re individually wrapped in a freaking box.”

Coworker #1: “I’m not touching those.”

Me: “What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: “She’s buying her own tampons.”

([Coworker #2], also a college-age guy, walks over.)

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], man, you’ve got to be kidding me. Dumba**.”

(He grabs the boxes of tampons out of the cart and puts them back on the shelf.)

Coworker #2: “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

(He high-fived me and headed back to his register.)

Crochet Away

, , , , , | Romantic | January 14, 2018

(I come up to the checkout with a few bundles of yarn and a crochet needle.)

Cashier: “Ooh, you crochet?”

Me: “Not really. My mum made a lot of my clothes as a toddler. I thought I’d challenge myself and see how hard it is.”

Cashier: “That’s nice.”

(She scans my items.)

Cashier: “So, my brother’s single, and he’s looking for a boyfriend.”

Me: *not really paying attention* “Is he?”

Cashier: “So…?”

Me: “Card, please.”

Cashier: “No, silly! My brother.”

Me: “What about him?”

Cashier: “Are you interested?”

Me: “Not really. I have a wife and kids.”

Cashier: “You aren’t a very convincing straight man, coming in here and buying your pretty things! I clocked the man-obsession the second you walked in.”

(I start walking to the exit.)

Cashier: *practically screaming* “Wait, don’t you want your things?”

Me: “I’ll look elsewhere, thanks.”

Cashier: “COME BACK ANYTIME! AND LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU COME OUT. MY BROTHER WILL STILL BE SINGLE!”

(I looked elsewhere, and in the end managed to make a decent looking beanie. My wife immediately stole it. I didn’t even get the chance to try it on.)

Your Story Doesn’t (Lip)Stick Together

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2018

(A customer comes in to return two items. She does not have a receipt or the boxes for either product. She looks like a hippie version of a Jersey Shore cast member.)

Me: “Without a receipt or the original boxes, we can only do an exchange or give you the money back on a merchandise credit.”

Customer: “Oh, no, that won’t work. I really need the money, and I can’t use these products on my face because my friend just started an organic skin care line. I only use organic products on my face now. Please, I just really need the money.”

(My manager is right next to me. I explain the situation and she tells her the same thing I did. She continues to ask if we can call someone else over. We call another manager over, who tells her the same thing.)

Customer: “Please, I need the money for my rent. Can I buy something with the merchandise credit and return it and get cash back?”

Manager: “No, we can only refund in the original form of payment.”

(She decides to take the merchandise credit, which is over $100. I ask for her email for our rewards program.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t trust computers, except for Facebook!”

(I show her some products she’s interested in. She proceeds to apply a lipstick directly to her lips without it being cleaned off and disinfected. Thinking this would be a concern, since she only wants organic products, I tell her I can clean it off for her.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t care!”

(When she checked out, she spent the whole merchandise credit, plus $30. I thought she “really needed the money.”)

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