It’s the early 2010s. I am serving a customer who was also in yesterday.

Customer: “I got this iPod replaced yesterday. It’s still not working, and I was told that if it didn’t work, you would replace it with the latest model, brand new.”

I look up the serial number and case information from the customer’s paperwork.

Me: “Okay, yes, I can see that this was replaced for you yesterday. I can also see that the person you worked with stated that this was a courtesy replacement since the device was already out of warranty and no trouble was found with the device; it sounded like it was all a software problem. Do you mind giving me some more information about the problem?”

Customer: “I was told that you would give me a new iPod Touch, and I want a new one.”

Me: “So, here’s the deal. I am 100% willing to honor that offer, but you have to tell me about the problem. If the problem is one with our product, you get the newest iPod Touch, guaranteed, since someone already set that expectation. But if the problem you’re having is due to something other than our product, you will not receive a new product. Do we have an understanding?”

Customer: “Fine. Yes. My iPod won’t sync with my computer.”

Me: “When did this start happening?”

Customer: “I don’t think it ever worked with this computer because my son used it with his. That’s where I got the music.”

Me: “Okay. What happened to the other computer that we know this device worked with?”

Customer: “My son took it to college.” 

Me: “So it sounds like you have another machine at home, and you want to sync this iPod with that one, but it isn’t working, is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s exactly right.”

Me: “Great. Do you have this machine with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Can you please give me more information about this machine? How old is it? What type of software is on it?”

Customer: “You people are all the same.”

Me: “If you do not know, just say so. That will be fine.”

Customer: “No, I don’t know. How should I know?”

Me: “Here are instructions to use to find out if your computer at home is compatible with this model iPod Touch. If the requirements of that machine do not meet or exceed these requirements, it will never work due to the software being outdated. Does this make sense?”

Customer: “You need to give me a new iPod. This is ridiculous. This was a gift and I intend to use it. You’re stopping me from using this and this is enough. If you can’t give me a new one, you need to give me my money back.”

Me: “It was a gift?”

I look it up in our system and see that it was purchased at [Electronics Chain].

Me: “Ah. I can see here that it was purchased and is still registered to a Mr. [Purchaser]. Is that the person who gave it to you?”

Customer: “Yes! You see! Give me my money back! Let me speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “Well, I actually am the manager, so I won’t be getting anyone else to oversee this conversation. And just to make sure I’m understanding you correctly, please allow me to break down this situation. You received an iPod Touch as a gift — as in, for free — from Mr. [Purchaser] over two and a half years ago. It never worked with the computer you’re attempting to connect it to now and you refuse to look into whether or not this computer has the capacity to work with this model iPod Touch. Furthermore, you think that I should give you — again, without cost to you — either a brand new model iPod Touch or the cash equivalent that was paid at the time of original purchase. Is that right?”

Customer: *Exasperated* “YES! Thank God! You’re finally understanding me.”

Me: “Good! I’m so glad I understand. I will not be replacing your iPod, nor will I give you cash back that someone else spent. Have a good night.”

The customer walked away swearing at me. The f****** balls on some people.

I work as a cashier in a takeout restaurant. A customer comes in and tries to open the door to the occupied one-person bathroom. She comes up to my cash register in a rage.

Customer: “THE BATHROOM IS LOCKED!”

Me: “The bathroom is locked because another customer is using it.”

Customer: “BUT THE SIGN ON THE DOOR SAYS, ‘FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY’!”

Me: “So then a customer is using it.”

Customer: “But I am a customer!”

Me: “We often have more than one customer at a time.”

The customer just stares at me in a rage as her eyes slowly come to terms with this mind-blowing truth that she’s just realized for the first time… as an adult.

Customer: “Well… you… should have fewer customers!”

I work in a very share-and-share-alike-style office. We often bring in treats to share with the office, such as pies, muffins, cupcakes, etc. I’ve brought my fair share of things to share with the office, as well!

But… I really like cheesecake. And I find, during my break, a huge fourteen-inch cheesecake that’s on clearance for only $8. I buy it and put it in the work fridge, intending to take it home and share it with my family, who also like cheesecake.

The next thing I know, all of my coworkers are walking around with slices of cheesecake. I realize I forgot to put something that says, “Not for sharing,” on the cheesecake! I rush to the breakroom… and find that only one slice is left.

With a sigh, I eat it before anyone else can get to it.

Later, I hear someone asking around about it.

Coworker: “Who brought in the cheesecake?”

Me: “That was me.”

They handed me a thank-you card from most of the office for the cheesecake.

So… I’m frustrated, but simultaneously, it’s a somewhat warm, fuzzy feeling. I’m conflicted.

I’ve been sick for about a week and have gotten several scam calls during this period — all appearing to be from the same scam effort. As my condition declines, so too does my tolerance for bulls***, culminating in this call.

Scammer: “Hello, sir, this is Microsoft Tech Support. I’m calling to—”

Me: “Could I ask you to stop right there?”

Scammer: “Sir?”

I move the phone away from my mouth for a moment for a sneeze that leaves my ears ringing like a gunshot.

Scammer: “Gesundheit.”

Me: “Thank you. One question: are you allowed to hang up on someone if they’re being abusive?”

Scammer: “I… Yes, sir.”

Me: “Glad to hear it. Now, I know it’s a scam, and I’m sick of you f***ers wasting my time while I’m trying to R&R. How many of you guys do I have to call a**holes before you add me to the do-not-call list?”

Scammer: “…Good day, sir.” *click*

I stopped getting calls running that scam.

In Norway, we have something called the “russ celebration”. It’s to celebrate when we graduate high school and is generally just a bunch of young adults partying and behaving wildly.

While the celebrations have escalated wildly over the last couple of decades, costing enormous sums of money for decorated vehicles, stereo sets, and going to festivals, one of the longest-running traditions is that the “russ” have to participate in our Seventeenth of May parade; that’s our Constitution Day. That also means that, traditionally, the night before is the biggest party night. For our American readers, this whole thing kind of becomes like spring break and the Fourth of July all rolled up in one.

When I was a “russ”, I wasn’t drinking much; I was one of the people organizing the parties rather than getting hammered all the time. (The legal drinking age in Norway is eighteen.) Some of the guys teased me a bit over this, but I felt like I didn’t really need to be on the sauce all the time. Therefore, while we partied all through the night on the sixteenth of May, I stayed relatively sober while my classmates got drunker and drunker. At this point, some of them really started teasing, saying ironically how much of a shame it was that I had to organize things and leave the drinking to them.

On the morning of the seventeenth, just before the big parade was due to start, most of the guys were hungover, probably still drunk. Then, it occurred to them that in order to drive their special vehicles in the parade, they’d have to be sober!

Suddenly, the light drinker was very much sought-after as I could fulfil the role of stand-in designated driver.