Getting Into A Pillow Fight

, , , , , , | Related | January 15, 2018

(My in-laws are visiting and my mother-in-law comments on my new purse, so I show it to her.)

Me: “You like it? I made it myself.”

Mother-In-Law: “Wow, that’s really nice! Where’d you get it?”

Husband: “Mom, she just told you that she made it.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh? All I caught was, ‘See my new purse.’”

(I fight the urge to roll my eyes because that is NOT what I just said. She looks over the purse then looks at me.)

Mother-In-Law: “Can you teach me to sew? I have a sewing machine, but I don’t have the book for it. It was secondhand and the person who gave it to me lost it, so I don’t know how it works.”

Me: “Sure, if you bring it over one day I’ll see what kind of machine it is and look up the manual online. We could probably find one for free or very cheap.”

Mother-In-Law: “Okay. Then you can show me how to sew a purse like that, right?”

Me: *shakes head* “No, you should start with something simple, like a pillowcase or simple skirt, just to get the hang of it. This purse isn’t a beginner project, but we can find you a beginner’s purse pattern.”

Mother-In-Law: *scoffs* “If you can make it, how hard can it be?”

Husband: “That’s not very nice, Mom.”

Mother-In-Law: *feigning innocence* “What do you mean? She’s obviously new to this herself.”

Me: *calmly as possible* “No, I’m not. I’ve been sewing since I was 14 years old, and I am now 28, so I’ve been doing this for half my life. The pattern I used for this purse says that it is not recommended for beginners. After you have made a few simpler projects, I can help you make a purse like this in whatever fabric you like.”

Mother-In-Law: *sighs* “Well, I guess I could do that, then. Just let me know when you can teach me.”

(I don’t think I will have the time to teach her. Ever.)

Email Fail, Part 15

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I’m the front desk manager at a hotel. One night an irate caller gets put through to me.)

Me: “Good evening. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you tonight?”

Customer: *in a very rude and condescending tone* “Well, I don’t know; do you think you can help me? I called here last night to reserve a room. I was offered an email confirmation and I’m still waiting for it, so… Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Let’s see if we can figure out why you haven’t gotten it yet. Can I have your name, please?”

Customer: *sighs* “Yes. My name, again, is [Customer]. I reserved my room for next Friday.”

Me: “Yes, I see that here. Let me just confirm your email address. Is it—” *I read out her email address and confirm the spelling*

Customer: “Yes, yes, yes, that’s my email address. Now, the problem isn’t with the address; it’s with you guys not doing your jobs. All I wanted was an email confirmation of my reservation. I waited all night for it and I never got anything. I’m checking my emails right now, and I don’t… Oh.”

(At this point I’m looking at the email in our sent messages, and I see that it was delivered within minutes of her making the reservation. Before I have a chance to say anything else, the customer speaks again.)

Customer: “Oh, wait. Um… Yeah. Okay. I see it; I have it. Okay, well, that’s all I needed, then. Thank you.” *click*

(I never did get an apology for how she spoke to me at the beginning of the call. When she did finally check in, she acted just as entitled and rude towards my front desk clerk as she had been to me on the phone, so I quickly introduced myself and asked if she’d had any more trouble printing her confirmation. She shut up quickly and was pretty quiet for the rest of her stay.)

Email Fail, Part 14
Email Fail, Part 13
Email Fail, Part 12

They Weren’t Quick On The Draw

, , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

(My husband and I work for the same company. Our daughter is in daycare. Our daycare has a strict rule about parents picking up their children no later than 5:45, which is perfectly reasonable. When our company holds its annual Golf Day, it is traditional for the day to end with a drawing for several nice prizes. On this particular day, the drawing has been delayed, and it is starting to get late.)

Me: “We’re going to have to leave soon; otherwise, we’ll be late picking up [Daughter].”

Husband: “I know. I hate to miss the drawing, though. The top prize is a mountain bike, and I’d love to win it. My bike is falling apart, and we can’t afford to replace it.”

Me: “Well, let’s give them five more minutes.”

(Five minutes come and go. No drawing yet.)

Me: *to the event organizer* “We have to get going. If we win a prize, could someone else accept it for us?”

Organizer: “Nope. You have to be here to accept it. We want to discourage people from sneaking off early.”

Me: “We’re not sneaking off early, though. We have to pick up our daughter from daycare.”

Organizer: *shrugs* “Too bad. That’s the rule.”

Husband: “Oh, well. We probably wouldn’t have won anything, anyway.”

(The next day, we found out that my husband’s name WAS called for the mountain bike, but because he wasn’t there, it was given to someone else. The worst part? The person who won it didn’t like us, and he gleefully rubbed it in our faces that we’d missed out.)

Grumpy Grandma Gripes Over Girl’s Goggles

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I work at my local pool as a lifeguard. During this rotation I’m in charge of the slide. I notice a little girl about to go down with goggles on; we don’t allow kids to wear goggles on the slide.)

Me: *to the little girl* “Sweetie, could you take off your goggles?”

Little Girl: “Okay!”

(She goes down and doggie paddles slowly to the exit stairs as she speaks to her grandmother.)

Grandmother: *to little girl* “Hey, [Little Girl], where are your goggles?”

Little Girl: “The lifeguard said I couldn’t wear them.”

Grandmother: “Well, that’s outrageous.” *to me* “Why can’t she wear goggles?”

Me: “The slide makes the rider go too fast for the goggles to stay on, which causes them to fall to the bottom of the diving well. Then, I have to go get them.”

Grandmother: “That’s nonsense! You cater to us; it’s in your job description. Let the people have a fun time.”

Me: “Actually, my job is patron surveillance, not aquatic party planner.”

Grandmother: *storms up the stairs to the slide* “I’ll prove these things won’t fall off.” *goes down slide, and the goggles fall off*


Grandmother: “Would you get that for me?”

Parenting Doesn’t Have To Be Reserved For Children

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 15, 2018

(I’m standing in line with my toddler. There are a couple of young men behind me, who look to be in their late teens or early twenties, talking and joking with each other.)

Guy #1: *very loudly, leaning slightly toward me* “Y’know, some people don’t even look old enough to be parents, [Guy #2].”

Me: *turns around* “Well, I’m twenty-eight, so…”

(I turn back around, and the first guy stammers a bit while the other one laughs.)

Guy #2: “Haha! Serves you right!” *pause* “Oh, my God, dude, you’re turning so red right now!”

(Hopefully that will teach him to mind his own business.)

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