“Hold” On For The Prank

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at a home decoration store. We have a particular brand that is unreasonably popular and people line up at the front door for it. It’s popular because people get it with us cheap and resell it online. We’re not allowed to put it on hold for ANYONE, not even staff; if we do, it could result in termination. A customer is making constant comments about having some of this brand on hold. Fed up, my coworkers decide to prank her back because she always asks everyone and gets the newer kids who aren’t familiar with the rule to just bring her out new stuff. I’m not new, but she hasn’t asked or seen me yet, so she thinks I’m new.)

Me: *stacking shelves*

Customer & Friend: “Oh, my God, miss! Miss! We, um, we have some more [Brand] on hold for us in the back; could you go get it?”

Me: *pretending to look concerned* “Ma’am, we aren’t allowed to put that on hold for anyone anymore.”

Customer: “I want it. Could you maybe go get it for me?”

(My manager walks by at the right time.)

Manager: “Oh, wait, [Brand]?” *turning towards me* “So, you’re the one that’s been going in the backroom and giving it to her! That’s it; you’re fired. Get out!”

(I ran to the break room and looked back only once. I saw the woman frantically trying to explain, but to no avail. Needless to say, no matter how badly she wanted the stuff, she never asked anyone to get her her things “on hold in the back” again.)

The ABCs Of Being Late

, , , , | Learning | November 15, 2017

(My university has shuttles that transport students between campuses. [Campus A] is right across from my apartment, so I use the shuttle there to go to [Campus B], where I take another shuttle to [Campus C]. The [A-B shuttle] has been incredibly reliable for the past two years, but the guy who drives it when I go to my Tuesday/Thursday classes this semester always seems to be 15 minutes late for a 10-minute drive. At first, I think traffic is just worse at this time, but the shuttle tracker shows that he’s actually departing [Campus B] 15 minutes late. I’ve taken to asking the driver to call the [B-C shuttle] and ask them to wait, reasoning that I shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for accommodations when it’s their fault I’m late. One day, he’s even later than usual.)

Me: “Could you call the [B-C Shuttle] and ask them to wait?”

A-B Driver: “Actually, there was an accident on the interstate, so they’re running late, too.”

(He drives to [Campus B] and arrives just as the [B-C shuttle] departs.)

A-B Driver: “All right. If you stay on, I can catch him at the light.”

([A-B Driver] manages to get [B-C Driver]’s attention at the light, and I get on the [B-C shuttle].)

Me: *to [B-C Driver]* “Sorry! I asked him to call ahead, but he said it was fine because you were running late, too.”

B-C Driver: “Not as late as him, though!”

H2-Woah, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I run a private computer store associated with a larger company. We see a lot of customers each day with issues using their cell phones. Many have changed something on the device that they were not aware of, and it requires us to scroll through a number of different settings on the device to troubleshoot. This happens while I am helping a lady who appears to be in her 60s.)

Customer: “Do you by chance have a water fountain?”

Me: “No, but will a bottle of water do?”

(I keep water in our refrigerator for personal use; I usually buy bulk packs of mini bottles. I get a bottle of water from the back room, hand it to her, and bend over to the counter to look closely at the phone settings once again. She starts drinking from the bottle, standing directly opposite me, and basically right on top of me as I check her phone. She then gets some water down the wrong pipe, and does the biggest cough and spit take you have ever seen, showering me, the counter, and her phone. I take it all in stride, clean up what I can with a roll of paper towels we keep behind the counter, and get her taken care of the best I can, and she leaves.)

Coworker: “You have got the be the most composed person I have ever seen! She was shooting water out her nose, even! If it would have been me, I would have told her I had to go home and take a shower after that!”

(I didn’t really need to hear that part. Bonus points: she never said she was sorry!)

H2-Woah, Part 3
H2-Woah, Part 2

Getting Your Johnson In A Twist

, , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I work at the front desk in a hotel.)

Me: “Hello, checking in?”

Guest: “Johnson.” *or something equally as common*

Me: “First name?”

Guest: “Just Johnson.”

Me: “There are multiple Johnsons here, sir; I need to know—”

Guest: “My name is Johnson! Just Johnson! Just look for it. How hard is that?!”

Me: “You know what? Just give me your ID; I need to see it, anyway.”

(From then on, I just ask for ID first.)

Birth Control Your Child

, , , , , , | Related | November 14, 2017

(I’m having brunch with my dad when my phone alarm goes off to remind me to take my pill. I reach into my purse, keep my hands below the level of the table, and quietly pop a pill out of the pack. I palm the pill and raise it to my mouth.)

Dad: *cringes* “You shouldn’t take birth control in front of your father.”

Me: *annoyed because I tried to be subtle enough for him to ignore it, and also because I’m in my twenties* “Sorry. Would you rather I wait, miss taking it at the same time every day, and increase my chances of getting pregnant?”

Dad: *cringes harder* “No!”

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