A Jedi Shall Not Know Love…

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 20, 2017

(I am a huge Star Wars fan, and after years and years I am finally buying the complete series, Episodes I – VI, on Blu-ray. I am 25 and have been single longer than I care to admit. This happens as I am checking out. The cashier is female; I am male.)

Cashier: *looks at my purchase “You must be single, right?”

Me: *not really paying attention* “What? Oh, umm… Yeah.”

Cashier: “I figured; you wouldn’t have time to watch all these if you had a girlfriend.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah. I guess so.” *dies a little inside*

(I couldn’t bring myself to watch them for about a week after I bought them because it just reminded me that I could be out on a date instead.)

Retraining Doesn’t Stop Customers From Being Themselves

, , , , , | Working | November 20, 2017

(I work for a home goods store. One of our manager’s duties is to do random observations of employees and rate us on a one-to-four scale in various categories; too many ones in a shift or a week can result in being sent for retraining or losing your job. On a day where we’re unpacking new inventory during regular business hours, a manager calls me over to show me my evaluation.)

Manager: “I gave you fours on safety and store maintenance, but I had to give you a one on customer service and a one on productivity. You were so focused on the new inventory that you ignored four different customers in your department. I need you to sign the notice that you will be getting retrained on customer service, since you had two ones in the same shift.”

(He points out the four customers; I recognize each one from earlier interactions, but I sign the slip, anyway.)

Manager: “Before we get this on the schedule, do you know how you could have handled the situation differently?”

Me: “Well, when I asked the customer looking at flatware how she was doing 20 minutes ago, she said, ‘Yes,’ and scurried away. The two in bakeware never looked away from their conversation long enough to acknowledge that I’d asked if I could help them find anything, and the one in table linens has been on her phone for the past ten minutes, and when I greeted her, she rolled her eyes, pointed at the phone, and stormed off.”

(I didn’t have to go for extra training.)

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Marriage Causes Pregnancy: It’s A Fact

, , , , , | Friendly | November 20, 2017

(My fiancé and I have been living together for five years when he proposes and I accept. Oddly enough, several people assume too much.)

Them: “Are you pregnant? When are you due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant. They know what causes that, now.”

Boiling Orange Juice To Match Your Boiling Blood

, , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I’m waiting tables at a restaurant and bar popular with foreign expatriates. I seat a middle-aged couple. One customer orders whiskey on the rocks, with ice, water, and soda all on the side. That makes four glasses for the one order, but this is fairly common behaviour from this demographic, so it’s fine. The other customer orders an orange juice without ice. This is also common, as people often believe they will receive more drink without it. In less than five minutes they receive everything, despite it being a busy Saturday evening.)

Customer: “You got the order wrong.”

Me: “What was left out? I’ll get it fixed for you immediately.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I asked for the orange juice without ice; obviously, I want it warm.”

(We don’t keep any juice that isn’t chilled; after all, this is tropical Singapore, and who on earth drinks warm juice?)

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Supervisor: “Tell her she has three options: we can nuke it in the microwave, steam it, or we’ll void it and she can keep the d*** juice if it’ll make her quiet.”

(I give her the options, and naturally she opts to have the drink for free. She does not, however, keep quiet or express gratitude for the free drink, and instead continues to insult me and my outlet for not having warm juice. As I walk back into the employee area, I launch into a string of obscenities over the comm-set and inform my manager I’ve had enough and need to chain-smoke for ten. Five minutes later…)

Manager: “[My Name], this customer is refusing to pay her entire bill; she claims you said they get their drinks for free all night as an apology. Can you come back in and talk to her?”

Me: “No; you know what to do. By the way, I’m clearing my half-an-hour break now, or I swear I just might find her some boiling hot orange juice.”

Manager: “Okay, you do that.”

Me: “Which one?”

Manager: “Both?”

(They ended up paying for everything.)

I’m Gonna Give You A Regular You Can’t Refuse

, , | Right | November 19, 2017

(I work at a convenience store. I am training a new person when I spot one of our regulars, a man with a bad reputation for giving employees grief. He’ll fight over the smallest details, though he never gets far once the managers get involved. That doesn’t stop him from being as condescending and rude as possible beforehand, though.)

Me: *to new hire who has just finished ringing up another customer* “It’s a lot for day one, but you’re getting the hang of it.”

New Hire: “Yeah, I think I’ll be oka—”

(She gets cut off by the customer, who is practically yelling into his phone as he throws his stuff on our counter.)

Customer: “You’re so stupid! Could you stop being stupid and just order the pizza?”

(I quietly nod for the new hire to step aside and proceed to ring up his items myself, not saying a word. Meanwhile, another customer has gotten in line behind him, and she watches him scream with raised eyebrows.)

Customer: *angrily swipes his credit card* “OH, MY GOD, it’s not Coleone’s, it’s CORE-LEE-OWNS! You can’t even pronounce Italian words right!”

(Meanwhile, I’ve bagged his items, totaled his amount and stuffed his receipt in the bag without saying a word to him. He rips them off the counter and stomps out, still yelling about the pizza place and how to pronounce it.)

Me: *to new hire once customer is out of earshot* “That guy is a regular, and he thinks he is the most important human being on the planet.”

Customer #2: *after setting her items on the counter* “Yeah, I think we all kind of got that impression. I wonder why the person on the other end didn’t just hang up.”

New Hire: “I’m also pretty sure there’s no ‘R’ in the last name ‘Coleone.’”

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