(It is important to note that every state in the USA has their own laws about eyeglass prescriptions. It is most common in Iowa for optometrists to write prescriptions that only last for one year, though they could write one that would be valid for up to two years. One day, I get this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Optometrist]’s Office. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, hello! I ordered a box of contacts from you guys about a month ago, for my son, and he says these ones aren’t working. He’s got blurry vision. I know the doctor changed his script a couple times and I just want to make sure the most recent one was ordered.”

Me: “Sure. I’ll pull his file and take a look. Please hold.”

(I go to have a look at the file and my heart sinks. It’s April, and this kid had his eye appointment last June. Kids tend to have a lot of changes in their vision thanks, in part, to hormones. Not only that, but he came back three times with the same complaint of his contacts not working. All of that was within thirty days of his appointment, so his script was finalized in July. And Mom waited to order… until March. I steel myself and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. It looks like the most recent prescription was what we ordered for your son. It is accurate.”

Customer: “Well, he can’t see out of them! Can you take this box back?”

Me: “Is the box unopened? We can do a refund for the box if it is, but we can’t take back an opened box for hygiene reasons.”

Customer: “Of course it’s opened! He’s been wearing them! But they are wrong now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The order was placed correctly. We put the same strength that your son told us worked, and so there’s nothing we can do. At this point, he’s almost due for another eye exam, as it is.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying I’m just out, what, $75?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but yes. He saw the doctor last July, and it’s been almost a year. It’s possible his eyes have changed.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous! This is the worst service I’ve ever gotten. I’m never bringing him back to your office!”

(And she hung up on me. I’m sorry, but who waits eight months to order contacts and THEN complains? Next time, don’t wait so long!)

This story is part of the Eye Exam roundup!

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(My last name is also a first name. We’ll pretend it’s Jane McKenzie.)

Me: “I’m here to pick up my new glasses.”

Assistant: “Okay, what’s the last name?”

Me: “McKenzie.”

Assistant: *rolls eyes with exasperated sigh* “I said, I need your last name. So, that’s McKenzie what?”

Me: *sighs* “Yes, and I heard you. My last name is McKenzie. My first name is Jane.”

Assistant: “Your last name is a woman’s first name.”

Me: “My maiden name was always getting mangled in spelling and pronunciation, so I was happy to change it to a last name that was much easier to spell and pronounce when I got married.”

Assistant: “You should change it again.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.” *rubs temples* “Are my glasses ready or not?”

Assistant: *with heavy emphasis on my last name* “Yes, Mrs. McKenzie, they are ready.”

(After I got my glasses, I made sure to complain to the optometrist about his assistant’s behavior and insistence that I change my last name, and have never gone back to that clinic.)

(The store is jam-packed, and the systems and registers have been crashing. I get a customer who has been to the [Competitor] a couple stores down. Unfortunately, they are liquidating. A customer comes up to my register and I begin checking her out.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “I have, thank you. Rather pleasant in here. [Competitor] was a cluster-f***, though.”

Me: “Uh-oh.”

Customer: “Yeah. Since they announced they’re closing, everyone and anyone mobbed the place. Worse than Black Friday.”

Me: “And I thought we were bad today. We had several crashes, and the line has been long.”

Customer: “You think that’s bad? [Competitor] has signs that say, ‘All Sales Final.’ When I get in line, the idiot in front of me is arguing with the cashier about not being able to return an item. And you would think this idiot knew how to read?! Holy s***, no! Hell, they even brought up the manager and tried explaining to him that he can’t do anything.”

Me: *laughing hysterically* “Wow! That is bad. You win.”

(I cashed her out and then worked out a return for the next customer. Thankfully, my store will still exist at the end of the month!)

(I’m rushing through the college center to try to make it to a class. I’m also holding a scantron test sheet. Today the center is filled with canvassers. One stops me in front of the classroom.)

Canvasser: “Do you have time to talk about our environment?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m late for a class.”

Canvasser: “Since you’re already late, why don’t you give me ten minutes of your time?”

(At this point I just walked off, repeating that I had to leave. I get that canvassing can be frustrating when people brush you off, but don’t insist that they owe you any of their time, especially if it looks like they’re rushing off to take a test.)

(I work in a very well-known national opticians chain. They have run a two-for-one on glasses continuously since 1990. It’s a weekend, and although I do look reasonably young, the customer is only three years older than I am. As I’m helping her look for glasses after a sight test, the following occurs.)

Customer: “What offers do you have on the glasses?”

Me: “Well, anything that’s £69 or more is two-for-one, and we also have offers if you want to buy just one pair, which—”

Customer: “I don’t really want glasses today; will the two-for-one still be running next week?”

Me: “Yes, it will.”

Customer: “And what about next month?”

Me: “Yeah, it’ll still be on.”

Customer: “You can’t know that! How would you know that? You’re just staff working on a weekend!”

Me: “Ma’am, the two-for-one promotion has been running since before I started working here. It’s been running since before I was born.” *looks at record* “It’s been running since before you were born.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t mean it’ll still be running next week!”

Me: “This promotion has been running for 25 years. They’re not going to stop it anytime soon.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you; get a manager!”

(No, she didn’t believe the manager, either.)