(It is somewhat late on a Saturday and I’m running the drive-thru when, without warning, the soda machine decides that it has had enough and quits dispensing carbonated drinks. None of us are able to reset the machine, or see any faults in the CO2, water, or syrup lines. Furthermore, it is in the middle of a late-night rush with only three people, me included, so none of us can go outside to post a sign, which would likely be ignored anyway. Ding!)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant], but before you place your order, I regret to inform you that our soda machine just went on the fritz. Howe—“

Customer: “Well, how soon will it be back up?!”

Me: “I am not sure, but we still have teas, non-carbonated drinks, and [slush drinks].”

Customer: “I don’t want any of them, and where’s your sign?! I wouldn’t have come here if I knew your soda machine was down!”

Me: “Again, I apolo—“

Customer: “WHERE IS YOUR SIGN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve been unable to po—“

Customer: “Well, then, you can either fix the machine or instruct the other customers in line to move!”

Me: “We are sorry, but we cannot find any fa—“

Customer: “Then tell your other customers to move!”

(I’m about to say something when my manager, who is also wearing a headset, cuts in.)

Manager: “We cannot instruct others to move their cars, sir.”

(I begin to tune out their back and forth while dealing with the cars at the window, tendering them out, passing food, etc., when I hear him finally pulling away. I forget about it for awhile until he makes it up to the windows and starts again.)

Customer: “Listen here! I want you to compensate me for my time that I wasted in line because you can’t fix your f****** machine! Furthermore, I will be calling your head offices about this!”

(I wait until he stops before speaking.)

Me: “First of all, even if we had a sign out there, you would still have had to wait. Furthermore, we are compensating understanding customers by providing a free upgrade to our [slush drink]. In addition, we have done what we could to check for issues, but we have to call our vendor tomorrow morning to figure out the issue. Lastly, please pull ahead, as we have other cars who were more patient and understanding about the situation than you are.”

(I then close the window and do my best to prep the next [slush drink], teas, food bags, etc., to aid my coworkers as best as I can without touching the food itself. As I’m doing this, he is laying on the horn like crazy. My manager finally has enough and opens the window.)

Manager: “Sir, we have done everything we can and you are holding up the line. Please leave!”

Customer: “Well, fine, then! F*** you, too, b****!”

(As he leaves and everything returns to normal, or as normal as can be with the broken-a** soda machine. Eventually, we make it through the rush and my manager starts to laugh.)

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Manager: “Oh, just thinking of how I’d handle that if I were you. You have some of the best patience I know working drive-thru.”

Me: “Well, s*** happens and people b****. I just let them be a baby and let you change their diapers if needed.”

Manager: *laughing* “Well put.”

(I am at work when a coworker with a customer right behind her comes up to me.)

Coworker: “[My Name], this customer said that you put [item we don’t have] away for her yesterday. Where is it?”

Me: “No, it wasn’t me; I wasn’t here yesterday.”

Customer: *yelling at me* “I KNOW IT WAS YOU BECAUSE I WROTE DOWN YOUR NAME!”

Me: “It wasn’t me. I wasn’t here and we sold out on that product last week.”

Customer: “IT WAS YOU! YOU’RE LYING. YOU’VE WASTED MY TIME! YOU SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED ME!”

Me: “No, honestly, I wasn’t here yesterday and I’ve never seen you before.”

Customer: “WELL, SOMEONE HERE HAS IMPERSONATED YOU THEN! THEY GAVE ME YOUR NAME WHEN I RANG UP YESTERDAY!”

Me: “You rang up? Oh, I think I know what happened. I’ll just check for you.” *picks up the phone and makes a call* “Hello. May I speak to [My Name], please?”  

(After I finish speaking with a coworker from a different location I turn to the customer.)

Me: “It appears that you called [Other Location] store and spoke to [My Name] there; she has your item over there.”

Customer: “I didn’t call [Other Location]! I called here! I got the number from the catalogue; I’ll show you.” *grabs catalogue and points to the number*

Me: “Sorry, but that’s [Other Location], we are [Our Location], the next store down. I can get the item sent here but it will take a few days.”

Customer: “A few days? I have to have it today. How in the h*** am I going to get it now?”

Me: “The only way is to go there yourself. It’s about half an hour away.”

Customer: “What? I have to go there myself just because I got the wrong store?” *storms out*

(I’ve been in my field for over ten years, so I have a wide skill set and knowledge base. Every few months, a staffing/contract agency tries to recruit me. Usually, a polite “no, thanks” turns them away, but once a while, I get this guy:)

Agent: “Hello! I have this great opportunity that you’d be perfect for. When would you like to schedule an interview?”

(I read the job description. It’s pretty obvious he just did a keyword search and didn’t read my actual resume.)

Me: “Um, this job is located in Ohio.”

Agent: “Will that be a problem?”

Me: “I live in North Carolina.”

Agent: “Oh, the company does require you to be on-site, so you’ll have to relocate.”

Me: “No, thanks. I have a permanent position I’m happy with.”

Agent: “But this is a fantastic opportunity! Will relocating really be that difficult?”

Me: “Only if I’m seven months pregnant.”

Agent: “Have a nice day.”

(I purchase two items at a department store, but the next day I decide I should really be saving money and decide to return them. On the day of my purchase:)

Me: “Just these two, please.”

Employee #1: “Because you’re spending $200, you get a $50 gift card to use at a later date!”

Me: “Okay, great. Thanks.”

(The next day, when I decide to go back and return my items:)

Me: “Hello, I’d like to return these two items I purchased yesterday.”

Employee #2: “Absolutely, let me help you with that. Okay, so, it looks like you’ll be getting $150 back.

Me: “Wait, what? I spent $200!”

Employee #2: “Oh, well, it says they gave you a $50 gift card for the future, so you get to keep that, and then the return is the remaining $150.”

Me: “What? No. I don’t want the gift card. Here, it is in the bag with the item. Take the gift card back and give me my $200 back!”

Employee #2: “We can’t refund the gift card.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Employee #2: “Don’t worry! You still have the $50 to use in the future at any stores or online.”

Me: “I don’t want the $50 gift card. I want my money back!”

Employee #2: “Well, we don’t do that, so it is not an option.”

(We went in a circle for almost fifteen minutes until I stormed out and called corporate. They seemed perplexed by the employee’s behavior and told me they were going to refund me and to just go ahead and keep the items. All’s well that ends well, I guess.)

(I need some wood cut for a project and go to the local hardware store. The employee is exceptionally nice to me and manages to alter some of the measurements to fit their wood planks better. While discussing the project, another female customer arrives, well-dressed and obviously annoyed by the fact he is taking some time to help me.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Is there someone willing to help me?!”

(She exclaims in a super annoyed voice.)

Employee: “Certainly. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Will you send someone over? I’m waiting and I have other stuff to do!”

Employee: “Maybe I can help you right now.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. I have a question. But you are helping her.” *looking at me like I’m some kind of alien*

Employee: “Just ask.”

Customer: “Fiiinnnee. I have these wood slices and I need them sanded. I want to put them on my table.”

Employee: “We can’t do that here, I’m sorry.”

(The employee starts walking away with me when the customer exclaims again.)

Customer: “I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION!”

(She’s now visibly annoyed that he couldn’t read her thoughts.)

Employee: *starts chuckling* “Go on.”

Customer: *her tune getting ruder and ruder, and more provoking* “I need something to varnish them! What should I take?”

Employee: “Just go to the paint department; they will be happy to help you there.”

Customer: *rams her cart around, nearly knocking over a basket standing in her way* “Ugh. FINE!”

(The employee and I go on with my planks. I excuse myself multiple times that he has to deal with my idea and my strange measurements and he assures me that he has seen a LOT worse.)

Me: “At least I’m not b****ing about everything”

(This gave him a huge grin on the face, while he couldn’t really say something, offending other customers.)